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PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 3:22 am 
Hey guys,

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible.

Something I've recently learned about inner work is better experienced than told. It's actually hard to quantify or measure. It's letting stuff go. For the longest time, I fumbled around in the dark with it. My attitude at first towards inner work was bellicose at worst and unproductive at best. I thought it was "hooey" as The Kidd!! would say.

I tried hypnosis before I found this forum. I even tried affirmations. IIRC, I may have even tried alpha or beta wave music, whatever puts you in a meditative state. None worked for long. Around the time I asked Meraki for the Pushups thread (use the search function if you don't know it), I also came across an article that essentially was a "pink" pill for letting go. Essentially, the article said, "Just tell yourself to 'let it be'."

Honestly, telling yourself to let it be is a good start. I did it for a while with mediocre results. You reap the seeds you plant. I planted mediocre seeds with no insight into myself. What I did notice was that by crossing the terrain in the immediate present moment no matter how little, which it is not much at all, it had a profound effect on my body. Most of the time, the energy from me would turn to heat. I would get warming sensations. I'm a hot head at heart. :lol: 8-)

Nah, in all seriousness I could feel the energy leaving. Sometimes your body needs to release the energy in different ways.

I actually gave up for a while when it stopped working, and I must say that the one thing you can't do is give up. I gave up because I thought inner work was too hard, but I acclimated to inner work when I realized that it doesn't come prepackaged in a certain form.

You won't find out how versatile inner work is and how in-fucking-your-face-in-the-moment it can be unless you put in the effort. Inner work is directly tied to the effort you put in and not the time spent on it. Although, having a regimented schedule is helpful for developing discipline because it's a muscle. Depending on the intensity of the emotions for the issue at heart and the level of conditiong, which at times can be bottomless wells of work/power/energy, you'll find a variety of intensity and topography, highs, lows, and everything in between.

The one thing you can be certain of when you let go of something seriously is that there's no charge or the entire mental, emotional, and possibly physical associations change to more palatable associations.

Why am I writing this:

I recently went through an experience so devastating(ly)? :lol: releasing that I broke out into a full sweat. This has only happened on a few occasions for situations that I've had an immense fear, aversion, and hatred for, incredibly painful emotions. Describing the release in the right way is to call it devastating. It laid waste and ruin to every mental image and picture I had associated with issue before hand. My entire orientation changed. Reconciling is too nice of a word to describe how you restore a hijacked mind and body. It feels good no doubt. There are tons of great feelings during and afterward. However, you have to tear down the barriers between your mind, body, and conditioning. This can feel "devastating" like an earthquake.

One of the main reasons I'm writing this is because when you get to "core" experiences you may have questions about what is happening with your alignment and balance. You may wonder why xyz happens in your body when you let go of something.

One of the things I remember Peregrinus saying in a thread a long time ago was that letting go doesn't have to be a slow process. In fact, it can happen anywhere from 1 second to 1 year depending on how you approach the issue. In the same vein, changing doesn't have to be a slow process.

If you're reading this for the signs that you let it go. Don't look for them. They're usually different from each other and depend on intensity. Some signs that it occurred though are: happiness (good for you); anger (you realized something important); crying (depends); hotness (you're releasing energy stored in fat and muscles, which can be tied to specific memories in your body :ugeek:); sweating (same, but way more intense); coldness (man that's some dark shit, you need to give energy to something that clearly needed your attention :lol:); stillness (way to go, you reached a new level, can you make it happen at will? Check and see how your conditioning stacks up); laughter (good one man); nothing (this happens as a default a lot, accept it).

All you need to do is let it go and be well. Simple as said, but simple doesn't come until you experience it. Until you let it go.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 7:16 am 
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Great post! I remember several years when I was fairly new to meditation I would often feel like nothing was happening, I was looking for results everywhere and not seeing anything tangible so I felt like it wasn't working a lot of the time...this just isn't the case though.

Here's a specific example that's actually really funny now looking back on it. I'm meditating and feeling like nothing is happening and I'm starting to get very very frustrated. All the sudden I spring out of my bed, rip my bedroom door open, slam it shut behind me and at the very same time I'm pulling it closed I put my fist through it. I felt an intense frustration and anger rise up in me in meditation and rather than sitting there and being with it which I now am conscious enough to do, the unconscious part of me that didn't want to deal with it projected it onto the meditation itself as being frustrating and "nothing is happening". Yet it took me back to a time when I was a teenager with raging hormones living in a home with my mom and sister just after my parents got divorced. I would find myself having episodes of uncontrollable rage where I punched more than 1 hole in a door/wall. Meditation brought this back up for me and many years later brought the same unconscious behavior back out of me. Immediately after punching the hole a wave of calm/tranquil energy washed over my whole body and it was like I wasn't even the same person that had just punched this hole in my door only a few seconds earlier.

Sometimes when you think nothing is happening, there's actually a lot happening, you just aren't conscious of it...especially early into you inner work. The important thing is to just stick with it. You will sometimes stir up energy in yourself that you aren't able to look at which will then manifest circumstances into your life which force you to look at the energy that came up in meditation that you weren't able to see at the time. This is a good thing, you're being triggered to deal with this emotion via reality reflecting it back to you. Embrace the highs and lows along the way, be consistent, and accept yourself and what you're feeling and thinking in all circumstances....it's in your experience so it's valid....Period


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 7:30 pm 
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Gem this thread please, I will post something later too


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 9:31 pm 
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Good points. Many get caught in the passive sounding nature of things like let it go, let it be, don't fight / resist, allow, as a type of sitting there and not doing anything. It is actually an invitation to stay with the most intense of emotions, because all of the labeling, describing, resistance, even many of the 'techniques' are actually strategies of moving away from the raw direct experience.

To sink fully into something does not have to take long as you said, that too can be just another way of tricking yourself into staying away from discomfort: "I'm working on it, I'm going layer by layer." Ultimately it is not up to you whether it takes a second or does in fact have more layers, but the willingness to stay with it will lead you to the most direct route.

It is a process of self discovery and not a series of rote actions you can repeat. All teaching around it (and I teach a lot around it) are, even at their best, pointers for you to experience it for yourself and learn your own way of how it is for you. The more you put into it the more you discover.

Also, once you start to get some first hand experience that:
1) Any experience, no matter how intense, has an eye of the hurricane quality to it at the core if you can move into it
2) All inner and emotional experiences happen inside if your own awareness, it is impossible for them to actually take you over, overwhelm you, harm you, those are only ideas your mind generates

then you develop the early stages of a type of imperturbability that recognizes that no matter what comes up, you are it's equal. In fact you are primary to it, it appears to you, not vice versa. This is true freedom and true power. The immature concept of power and freedom is one of being able to control circumstances and experiences so that they always match your preferences.

_________________
http://www.innerreconciliation.com


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 2:11 am 
Flow83 wrote:
then you develop the early stages of a type of imperturbability that recognizes that no matter what comes up, you are it's equal. In fact you are primary to it, it appears to you, not vice versa. This is true freedom and true power. The immature concept of power and freedom is one of being able to control circumstances and experiences so that they always match your preferences.
You know how to touch a heart. :lol:


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 4:04 pm 
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Great write-up Slim and great comments here. I'd just add one thing from my experience.

It's easy to fall into a trap of "letting go will be this great sudden explosion of energy that I'll feel and then it'll be gone" Things resurface, come back in different forms, and that's part of the learning process - truly letting go means not having a motive of pushing emotions and energy away, but letting them speak to you. Obviously, you have to develop the muscle of being able to see what's going on clearly, but this part is also key, I think.

I've had a rough month - waiting to hear back on an interview process that took 3 rounds and over a month of effort (great test of letting go of results and focusing on the present moment, cause that shit is hard in this type of circumstance), having my girlfriend living in another city because of a good job she found and waiting on me to come over to said city, finishing up my diploma thesis, teaching English almost full-time, balancing school with all of this..basically, it's been a hotbed for negative emotions, mainly frustration and anger at things not being as I want them to be, and stress doing a number on my head (migraines).

I've gone to my parent's for Easter to settle my mind instead of visiting my GF, been doing yoga and meditation quite a bit while finishing up the diploma thesis and doing a lot of letting go. Some of it was me being in a literal cramp with burning sensations in my throat, some of it was me breaking down in tears. But the most significant shift came from, I believe, a good 2 day session of being flat-out depressed. Laying in bed, watching Brookly Nine Nine and letting this energy hit me. It wasn't a sexy release, it was more like sitting out in the rain and watching storm clouds slowly tear apart and reveal the sunshine.

Basically, what I'm trying to say in this long-winded way is that the less preconceptions you have of what's going on in you, the more effective shit'll be.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 4:25 pm 
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It's insane how this forum gets distilled into information so valuable and pure it makes up for more than most self-help books out there.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 17, 2017 10:54 am 
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Aragorn wrote:
It wasn't a sexy release, it was more like sitting out in the rain and watching storm clouds slowly tear apart and reveal the sunshine.
Simply beautiful

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:52 am 
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I'm letting go of stuff right now but I struggle with my association with being vulnerable.

In my experience any amount of vulnerability has turned women cold, like even the tiniest bit. So naturally I concluded that being vulnerable is a turn-off.

Following a recent tragedy in my life I became a tiny (keyword tiny) bit more vulnerable with the girl I've been seeing for the past few months. I thought to myself 'life is short, give it a chance' but oh boy did that incremental change fuck that up real quick :lol: and I wasn't even being a symp or anything close. I was maintaining the same amount of space but my decision to be a little more vulnerable essentially turned her cold, upon analysis.

So now I'm keeping my distance and keeping that wall up permanently, you'd think I would have a learned a lesson from my last relationship but fuck it, we're only human.

Vulnerability sucks.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 12:46 pm 
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How were you vulnerable? Why did it suck besides a woman reacting to it?


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:11 pm 
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luciddream wrote:
How were you vulnerable? Why did it suck besides a woman reacting to it?
I'm usually guarded about my personal life and emotionally due to the past ones having used that against me so I built a wall. I just let her in a bit, it just felt like a natural step forward to connect.

It sucks because I abhor sympish behavior and their reaction to me even being that little bit vulnerable is the same as when a guy does something super sympish. They're basically treating me like a symp when I'm anything but.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 2:59 pm 
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Alchemist wrote:
luciddream wrote:
How were you vulnerable? Why did it suck besides a woman reacting to it?
I'm usually guarded about my personal life and emotionally due to the past ones having used that against me so I built a wall. I just let her in a bit, it just felt like a natural step forward to connect.

It sucks because I abhor sympish behavior and their reaction to me even being that little bit vulnerable is the same as when a guy does something super sympish. They're basically treating me like a symp when I'm anything but.
To her, a symp is like that all the time... So it takes a really big fuckup to be noticed.. Hence strangley if she is with him, he will appear to get away with more.

If you are solid, then any tiny crack will be magnified.. Hence you will see a stronger response to it.
It is because it stands out.. however that also means it can vanish again just as quick.

For some reason I am thinking your reaction to what you think was her reaction has more to do with this.

[Magnifying the effect and in effect telegraphing to her your internal state]

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:09 pm 
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So you mean like initially it wasn't because of me then ironically it ended up being me because I thought it was. :|

It makes sense that a tiny crack would cause such a reaction, considering how I've been the rest of the time.

I would welcome it vanishing again, second chances are rare in this though.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:43 pm 
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How would you feel about having felt/been that vulnerable had you just been sitting at home doing inner work or hanging out at the beach by yourself? Does it still suck, if so does it suck as much?

Vulnerability is just a word that describes a feeling of not being able to handle what is coming at you, be it physical or emotional. But there are other emotions, even ones you would label negative that you feel and do handle and just let go of immediately even in crowds of people. What's the difference? Vulnerability is a just another word that you're creating a story around to make yourself a victim and recreate the scenario over and over again. It's the very thing that's getting in your way of simply feeling and letting go. If you felt whatever you had felt, then reacted however you reacted, and the girl then said to you....OMG, that's so sexy how you dealt with that/handled that. We would be having an entirely different discussion here.

When you say vulnerability sucks you have to take a look at what you're really saying which is....my inability to choose a response I prefer to certain emotions I feel, rather than automatically react to them in some knee-jerk kind of way which makes me look/feel like a SYMP is making me feel like shit about myself. Just keep following the feeling, the words are only gonna take you to the water, you still have to drink up.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 4:32 pm 
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I had an experience a couple weeks ago that I'm not going to post full details about or even create a separate thread for but I will post about it a bit here. It was the most "vulnerable" I've ever felt in my life. Grinus knows the full story and it's hands down the craziest, most amazing, scariest, experience I've ever had in my life. It taught me a lot about myself once I got my bearings back which took a few days to even get my head straight and the rest of the week to get right but now I'm back and stronger than I was before it.

There's a girl I had a FWB relationship with. We hooked up maybe 12-15 times total and despite the fact we never really got to know each other that deeply on a conversational level, I was more open and vulnerable with her than I've ever been with any other girl. I was more myself, I fucked her the way I wanted to and was more comfortable with that than I had ever felt before. Being dominate sexually wasn't comfortable for me to start being even tho I intuitively knew I had to become more dominate. This was the girl I really began to unleash myself on, I fucked this girls brains out and got to see how much she responded to it. TBH I think we just had some higher level connection that can't even really be explained exactly. But ultimately I still had to let her go and truthfully I'm really the only one to blame in the matter but she showed me some things I needed to see and that was our purpose together.

So a couple weeks ago we hook up again and I have taken mushrooms before she even arrives which I told her I was going to do. She has a double shot of whiskey which she sips on before and during sex. I'd done it before with her awhile back and we had the wildest most intense sex I had ever had. This time blew the last time out of the water. It was the wildest, roughest, craziest sex I've ever had. Around 90 mins in we both fully let go and connect subconsciously, I almost just feel like I'm watching myself have sex in a way, it's like the entire act of sex between us is just doing itself and I'm just watching it all happen. It's really intense and lasts another hour or so. It ended with me just instantly going limp and having a horrific feeling of anxiety come over me. We laid in bed and I had this realization that it was OK to feel everything and as long as you're here to experience it I know at the deepest level that I'm OK. It wasn't like I was having a heart attack or something that required action, I just had a feeling that I didn't prefer, and I realized it was OK to feel it and it just sat there for a little bit and I just watched it and then it went away. I discussed my realization with Amanda let's call her and Amanda was basically like, yea duh. To me this was a huge realization and she was just like, welcome to the club. Some things happened that were pretty mind blowing to me during this whole process and even after.

What happened next was me riding high on this insane level of confidence, I felt invincible and my actions and words were completely in line with the feeling. I was speaking and dancing around my room like I was about to conquer the world. My confidence was riding so high I was ready to get on the go and start making some shit happen right then. Amanda and I got up to go do what I had just spoke so highly of myself about and my capabilities and all the sudden as I'm gathering my things I'm hit with a massive wave of anxiety and feelings/thoughts of judgement about me. It has me running circles in my head and it's just constantly bombarding me to the point I can't hardly think straight and I can't get my composure to get my things together and get going. I finally do and when I get to where I'm going I am feeling even more judgement and just really can't function at the level I had spoke about. I feel like Amanda is reflecting back all the things I just said to me in a way that is showing me the equal level of negative energy that I must be able to endure, stay solid thru, and be able to handle if I wanted to BE the person that was going to DO and HAVE all the things I had been ranting so confidently about 30 minutes earlier. Basically I was attempting to make a major shift in my reality and she was reflecting back to me what I would have to deal with if I were to BE the person I had just attempted to speak into existence.

A little later I buckled, I caved in to a feeling so strong that she was reflecting back to me that I just reacted and asked her to leave. When she resisted I raised my voice and said, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. I felt such an intense level of fear and anxiety that I couldn't even barely move. I just walked around my apartment for like 20 minutes trying to get underneath this feeling. I felt completely "vulnerable" and all I could feel was this eerie, cold, feeling of what felt like death to me. I laid in bed and just felt it and accepted it. I felt like I was dying but I knew that there was no logical thing I could be dying of, I had taken mushrooms but wasn't tripping that hard anymore, but this feeling had consumed me. I laid there for awhile and eventually fell asleep. The next day I didn't leave my house. The following day I only left to get food. The next day I was like, well I'm still alive so fuck it, as long as I'm still here I'm gonna keep charging ahead and I'm only getting stronger and stronger.

The things I see now after this experience are deeper and more subtle than before. My observational skill are picking up deeper levels of subtlety and feeling. Being vulnerable isn't bad, it's just an experience. And becoming the person you want to be doesn't happen overnight. It's a process of letting go. I was shown how much negative thoughts and feelings I would have to deal with and let go of it I was going to get to feel the positive to that same level and I wasn't ready to handle it....YET. But I had a major growth none the less and my life is already reflecting that back to me.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 5:15 pm 
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luciddream wrote:
How would you feel about having felt/been that vulnerable had you just been sitting at home doing inner work or hanging out at the beach by yourself? Does it still suck, if so does it suck as much?

If you felt whatever you had felt, then reacted however you reacted, and the girl then said to you....OMG, that's so sexy how you dealt with that/handled that. We would be having an entirely different discussion here.

Yeah except we don't live in a universe where that would happen. :lol:

I've been sitting in it by myself, keeping my distance until this feeling goes away.

Maybe it's not as bad as I feel it is, maybe I'm giving it more power than it deserves, thus fueling it like 'Grinus said.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 5:51 pm 
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If you want to fuck hot girls you're going to have to feel everything, it just comes with the territory. Sometimes you're simply going to react to a woman, learn from it and keep charging ahead, your judgement and thoughts about it are the only thing giving it any energy, LET IT GO.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:45 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
Alchemist wrote:
luciddream wrote:
How were you vulnerable? Why did it suck besides a woman reacting to it?
I'm usually guarded about my personal life and emotionally due to the past ones having used that against me so I built a wall. I just let her in a bit, it just felt like a natural step forward to connect.

It sucks because I abhor sympish behavior and their reaction to me even being that little bit vulnerable is the same as when a guy does something super sympish. They're basically treating me like a symp when I'm anything but.
To her, a symp is like that all the time... So it takes a really big fuckup to be noticed.. Hence strangley if she is with him, he will appear to get away with more.

If you are solid, then any tiny crack will be magnified.. Hence you will see a stronger response to it.
It is because it stands out.. however that also means it can vanish again just as quick.

For some reason I am thinking your reaction to what you think was her reaction has more to do with this.

[Magnifying the effect and in effect telegraphing to her your internal state]
Also 100% agree. I've seen this from my own experience. Women are only ever reflecting back to you who you're being, any negative reaction or judgement that you feel is yours to let go of and yours alone. You can't blame it on the girl ever, it's always your burden to bear. The girl doesn't really matter, she's only there to show you what you need to let go of. Realize she's interchangeable and she's there to serve a purpose which is to show you what you need to work on. Once the value of that relationship has ran it's course it's time to let go of it with grace and find another girl, or multiple simultaneously when you can handle it.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:48 pm 
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You're right, I've been staring at that pole and crashed into it, I'll focus on the road.

Thanks guys.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2017 2:42 pm 
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luciddream wrote:
Women are only ever reflecting back to you who you're being, any negative reaction or judgement that you feel is yours to let go of and yours alone. You can't blame it on the girl ever, it's always your burden to bear. The girl doesn't really matter, she's only there to show you what you need to let go of.
Alchemist, this is key... She in a sense is a mirror.. She reflects back what you give off.

[A note, if there isn't much to be reflected back, the attention may be focussed on that, whereas if there is a lot, it will all get lost in the fog... Hence the small crack and the big stinking pit of mess]

Here is a suggestion.. Watch a few episodes of the 'Dog Whisperer', detach from it and just watch it, no judgment, no attempt to understand, purely observe.
Between each episode remind yourself of the above, then carry on watching.
luciddream wrote:
Realize she's interchangeable and she's there to serve a purpose which is to show you what you need to work on.
Hence the mirror...

Everytime you interact with people, they are holding a mirror up.. You can test this very very easily yourself.

You are also holding a mirror up to them.
Alchemist wrote:
You're right, I've been staring at that pole and crashed into it, I'll focus on the road.
'Its like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.'

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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