Natural Freedom

Myself lately and I have come to a dire conclusion about myself I am self conscious and the confidence I have is at best when I'm at the gym (and even that is equal to a crumb) I've noticed some behaviors that I'm very sure are out of conditioning and habit of approval seeking (I guess mostly I'm suppressing my hate and anger about everything now) which I know is damaging me but I'm not sure how I can stay true to myself but also phrase things in a more eloquent matter so that its more under the radar for the majority of the population.

From this point forward since all relationships and interactions comes down to how much value you can benefit from one another I rather tweak it so I can get as much value as possible. (If anyone has any ideas or books I can read so I can do this please let me now thanks)

Anyway I think I'm going to sit isolated from society to start dealing with these issues and I'm going to start writing them down so I can uproot these issues once and for all. I will keep track of all these things in this thread and let you know of my progress.

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

This what I do:

1. Download or purchase a software called ZenWriter.
2. Disconect internet from your PC.
3. Close all the programs in your PC.
4. Leave open only ZenWriter software, and turn on your speakers on with a mild or low volume.
5. Just type whatever comes to your mind, and then start see your own patterns of bullshit.
6. Kill the fuckers, with logic by seeing through them.
7. Repeat the process from 4 to 6.

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GMST

Where can I download this product

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Every interaction I have I'm doing this (doesn't matter if it's with women or men). This let's me 'screen' which people are worth my time and energy and which aren't. You don't need any book- just practice it....

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

It's not a negative dog-eat-dog thing either dude, unless you're in a hostile environment.

It's not hard to discern who's worth your time and who isn't, especially when you have shit to do.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."

So I realized what a prisoner and slave I have been to my own emotions and to my own mind. I have noticed a total difference between my Birthday and today and I came to a very important conclusion. I don't love myself very much but now I know there is no such thing as love I really don't know what to do about this.

I also realized everything that has happened to me was of my own self fulfilling prophecy. Because I don't like myself I made my own self suffer because subconsciously I feel this is how I should be treated which is why I have issues of ever fully becoming confident. I talk like I can be alone but in reality I only tolerate it because its what I have chosen out of fear that others won't accept me, I also notice that when I am not around others I don't do it on purpose but that little voice inside my head that the so called monks and gurus of spirituality talk about, its very real I notice if I don't have any thing distracting me that when in total silence my mind does the distracting for me.

It repeats to me the things that are wrong with me and how worthless I am in life. Maybe my hatred came from this all along and my recent understanding of how society truly is was just an excuse to put it outward. But still I don't like what has been nothing but a lie I've been living all this time is nothing more but an absurdity.

I tolerate being alone but I have much inner turmoil going through me I will work towards attaining inner peace and a peace of mind.

I have become like the dude I am very interested in going to the depths of my psyche and learn to turn these programs and brainwashing that my enemies make them my friends. I will start to use that program Dali thanks for the recommendation will keep updating.

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Yeah this is a thing I'm working with: "Being alone because of choice or because of limitation" But I know it's by choice. Because I have the options in terms of friends or girls, but my inner work isn't done yet. I have some other demons to stretch my hand and give them a hugh, or the minor ones that can be sliced, but they're terryfing sometimes.

Ohh boy and that's good, just a week ago I felt so useless and inapropiate just being, and doing that typing, just rantings of the mind... That the futility of all just hit and did a furious bam in my system, and I was ok with that. The good thing is that this was a big release, and a deep acceptance of the previous fact of futility. I literally cried like a frightened baby and felt an intense emotion very very sad and that emotion went through me (remember letting the emotions passing through you), but actually I was seeing the experience of sadness passing through me, that was weird!!. This is nothing bad, this is a measure of advancement from the perspective I had. It feels so bad, but it's actually good.

Btw: I'm so grateful for this site and the animosity of guys helping each other, and the guideing.

PD.: Keep us updated, bro.

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GMST

Been waiting for this event, Resonance. Now the real progress can be made.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised you and Grinus read everyone else like a book why would I be any different...

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Huge. That means you have taken one step backward to a broader perspective. You are NOT the emotion but are able to observe it moving through you. You have moved beyond seeing your entire self AS that sadness and emotion which is how the vast majority experience life.

When you can witness it moving, can "you" ever BE sad? This is the window into true peace.

If you can observe something, it can't be you.

All sorts of horrible as well as beautiful pictures will show up on the screen - the TV doesn't give a shit and is completely unaffected by any of it.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

A little mis-quote error from your part, but don't worry... Anyway...

Yeah flow, like not me at all. I don't know how it happened, but I was like witnessing the event of sadness, but at the same time fully living it, like huge grief experienced both 3rd person 1st person at the same time, kind of paradoxical. Now, that's some trippy shit, "weird" I don't have another word for it. Maybe was just a coping mechanism of the psyque for some emotion which is too strong to handle. I really don't know what happened there. I wonder how will emotions will flow with this rare perception thing that happened, I don't know if this shit would be abiding, nor do I care if it doesn't.



Thanks for the feedback.

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GMST

Nice progression

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.