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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:18 pm 
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For those who have been curious about the on goings between my keeper and I since my first post speaking about our 'break' (if you need to be brought up to speed: viewtopic.php?p=18324#p18324 ), this is for you. 8-)

I discovered (via my gut then thru interrogation) that my keeper had become sweet on someone else in her class about a week after the break was initiated. At that point I initiated dating protocol...I told her that it was pretty fucked up that she tried to put it on me like I was somehow the person in the wrong, but that I understand that's how people do things sometimes when faced with awkward situations. I told her that from that point we would consider ourselves to be dating and, as a courtesy, to let the other party know if either of us decide to become sexually involved with someone else.

Then, I made myself scarce...not TOO scarce mind you...but I became much less proactive than I already wasn't, if you get what I mean. ;) During this time I flirted a bit, but I'm just really at a point where I'm just over having sex for the sake of having sex...I have a fondness for connected sex (see here: viewtopic.php?f=17&t=329 ). Now, SHE wasn't aware of all that, so whatever her imagination concocted that I might be doing with my free time, she didn't ask and I didn't volunteer.

NOW...in most cases like this, I would jettison the flotsam and get on with it...HOWEVER...my keeper is a bonafide x-factor. That being said, no one is perfect, and so neither is she. I EXPECTED something like this to happen and had already planned FOR it to happen, being that she is young, hot and impressionable. BECAUSE I was already anticipating something of this nature to happen sooner or later, I have been preparing from the beginning and planted countermeasures in place the whole time. In a way...I kinda feel like this NEEDED to happen...kinda of like you HAVE to touch the stove to know that it is indeed HOT. :geek: Here is where the title of this post comes into play. ;)

FOUNDATION

[ img ]

This chart should look familiar. She is 23...I am 38. Our peaks are almost in sync...difference is her's still can go up till about 25-26, whereas mine is already starting it's slow, gentle decline. So although in the longer term our graphs level out almost equally, she still has yet to peak. This means that it is no surprise that this has happened...my girl gets hit on all day, every day! Good news is, she HATES getting hit on randomly in the street/club/etc...BAD NEWS is, she is susceptible to familiar surroundings/people. I met her at a family BBQ...her defenses were down. This yahoo that was getting at her is a classmate...her defenses were down. I'm not making any excuses for her...she did what she did and now she has her work cut out for her (more on that later), but I can see how this could happen.

Anyhoo...did I throw a fit? NO. Was I jealous? Not going to lie...somewhat...BUT!!...did I let HER know that? NO...I kept my poker face on at all times. Did I go out of my way to do anything different to attempt to convince her to 'pick me'? NO! Some of you may thinking, "Well why not?"...it would be a knee jerk response for most men to step up their efforts in this type of situation. The reason why I didn't, is because I knew that my FOUNDATION would do most if not all of the work for me...and you know what? It DID. :ugeek:

The FOUNDATION that I laid down with her from day one...finishing how I started...combined with the PATIENCE to not over compensate or act on my jealousy and the discipline to give her the SPACE to work through this HERSELF is what ultimately led to what happened yesterday afternoon. :geek:

She came over after school saying she felt very emotional and wasn't sure why. I prodded and got it out of her: She realized that she was a selfish bitch for putting her wants above her needs and jeopardizing our relationship. Turns out, once this dude caught wind that she was somewhat available (I was still fucking her occasionally), HE became super insecure, jealous and possessive, even though they were NEVER an item.

All I had to do was give her the SPACE to let HIM fuck up. :mrgreen:

She told me the last straw was when he told her that he had snuck and gone through her phone and then confronted her about why she was still talking to ME. She has had ENOUGH of men like that...which is part of the reason why my relationship with her is the longest relationship she has ever been in. She also volunteered that as he became more silly, she made a pros/cons list for both me AND him...of course my list blew his out of the water (BEST OPTION). I won out not only because of FOUNDATION, PATIENCE and SPACE, but also because I've always focused on her NEEDS and not her WANTS. This guy was ultimately more focused on HIS wants more than anything...and that is weak sauce compared to anything I was doing or had ever done. :geek:

So now...she has to make it up to me. :mrgreen: ...she knows my birthday is coming up, for starters. I asked her how does she want us to be...she said that she wants us to be married :lol: ...I told her I mean as far as RIGHT NOW. :mrgreen: ...she stated that she knows she needs to work hard to get us back to how we used to be, but that I'm worth it...she knows how badly she screwed up (mind you those two hadn't even KISSED...I guess you could call it an emotional affair? :| ) and will do everything in her power to make it right...I told her I hope you are up for this. :mrgreen:

So as it stands now, we are still 'dating'. Eventually I will tell her that if we are to get married, she will be the one proposing...this way I know that she is serious. Whatever that was agreed to regarding marriage/engagement prior to this event is now null and void...SHE fucked that off. By her doing what she did, it puts all the onus on her and she knows she's behind the 8-Ball...I basically got to turn in all the evidence she gave me for bullets and shoot her in the face with my once-dusty-yet-still-oh-so-trusty Front Blaster...and get to totally re-write the contract to boot! :D

The moral here is this: NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF...NOR QUESTION YOUR SELF WORTH. I didn't have to do anything but wait for her to figure it out while my 'competition' basically pushed her right back to me via his actions and vibe. Like I said...I knew she wasn't going ANYWHERE...it just makes life that much better for me once SHE figures that out, whatever the means may be. 8-)

Going forward, she will be forever much more aware of her susceptibility in situations such as this...and will deploy her own countermeasures to insure she doesn't fuck up the best thing that has ever happened to her in her life again...'cause one chance is all you get...with The Kidd!! 8-)

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Last edited by The Kidd!! on Thu Apr 05, 2012 11:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:57 pm 
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what a great story :)

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:30 am 
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I've been in the dumps for about a week now, but reading this has lifted my spirits a bit. :mrgreen:
finish how you start , mmm?

Kidd, kwik kwestion.
what if in her emotional state she had kissed or went further with this other guy, do you think she would reveal it?
I am asking this because I assume she said that they didn't even do that. :geek:
Quote:
Anyhoo...did I throw a fit? NO. Was I jealous? Not going to lie...somewhat...BUT!!...did I let HER know that? NO...I kept my poker face on at all times. Did I go out of my way to do anything different to attempt to convince her to 'pick me'? NO! Some of you may thinking, "Well why not?"...it would be a knee jerk response for most men to step up their efforts in this type of situation. The reason why I didn't, is because I knew that my FOUNDATION would do most if not all of the work for me...and you know what? It DID.
did you experience a pang of Jealousy because she was giving her time to another?
based on what you wrote below that I can tell that you weren't in insecure state where you felt like you had to simp to get her back. the guy had enough rope to hang himself with.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:21 am 
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The jealousy stemmed from MY ego lol...I just couldn't believe she would even try me like that. :lol:

I'm pretty sure it didn't even get that far just from my intuitiveness...but even if it did, it ultimately doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. As far as I'm concerned, everything is going according to plan. 8-)

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Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:36 am 
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Awesome read Kidd. I guess it goes back to what you posted in your section (can't remember where), where you said that giving a girl space simply lets her figure out how awesome you are. When she talks to other dudes, they'll come off as needy and trying to fill space whereas you're just chilling and indifferent on the whole thing. Let them do the dirty work. :ugeek:

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 1:12 pm 
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as always, a great read Kidd, thank you for posting. I have been waiting for this since weeks :mrgreen: .
I was pretty sure that your foundation will make her come back to you, and that it was a matter of time only.

Quote:
I won out not only because of FOUNDATION, PATIENCE and SPACE, but also because I've always focused on her NEEDS and not her WANTS.
could you please elaborate more on needs and wants? I searched for this a lot in the forum but never managed to find anything.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 4:56 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
In a way...I kinda feel like this NEEDED to happen...kinda of like you HAVE to touch the stove to know that it is indeed HOT. :geek:
This is very true. I have many personal examples of this.

I have had a number of women push me to my limits and beyond them.

My personally set limits, which are far below a lot of men I know. These are not my 'limits' as such, they are the lines I have drawn as what I consider to be acceptable to me, over years through experience. My true limits are far far beyond these, why let yourself get that far though, set reasonable limits for yourself.

This is part of having healthy boundaries for yourself. Not letting people walk all over your boundaries and having ones that are utterly bendable.
Decide what they are and which ones are bendable and which ones are not and live by them. Also be confident in expressing these to others, when people get close to them or try to cross them.

-

They had to see I would walk away and not put up with it. Until I showed them that, they did not fully believe I would. Until they saw that, it was merely a thought, a question, rather than hard facts and reality. The ironic thing was, by the time I had, it was too late for them (in their mind), then they backpedal as they realise that I am what they thought I was and go 'oh shit!'.

At some point they have to touch the stove and feel that heat, otherwise they will never believe it is hot. They may think they do, they do not. Only once they have felt that heat do they truly know it is hot and will burn them.

Only then will they treat the stove with the respect and caution that it deserves, for the effect they now know it can have if handled incorrectly.

Until they have seen you walk and the way you walk, they never truly believe you will. Once you have and they have seen that, they know it. The way you walk is as important in my mind as walking.

The ironic thing is, once they have pushed you that far and you have walked, although they are now sure of who you are and that you will do it and have healthy boundaries, they have also put themselves out of the game - why would you want to walk back when they have shown a lack of respect for your boundaries and a lack of awareness of them.

-

I have articulated this also : 'I feel this needed to happen, you kept pushing until I walked. You were not going to stop until I did because you needed to see that I would. You would have kept on until I did, going a bit further each time until you hit that point where I did. If I had not of walked you would have just kept pushing further and further to check that I would not. The mistake was that you miscalculated at what point I would walk, so it caught you by surprise. The bottom line is, you needed to see that I would walk and not look back and not give in. Now you have seen that, what have you learnt, really... Now you have the answer, are you happy with the methods by which you got it and the result....'

Then sit back give them space and listen.

--

NOTE: Walk can be literal, it can be emotional and it can be relationship wise, while still speaking to them. It works in all those senses, in isolation or combined. It all depends on how far she stepped over your line.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:21 pm 
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I was watching some rsd video and guy was saying something like this:

"Your brain wants proof, not promises."

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:26 pm 
peregrinus wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:

I have articulated this also : 'I feel this needed to happen, you kept pushing until I walked. You were not going to stop until I did because you needed to see that I would. You would have kept on until I did, going a bit further each time until you hit that point where I did. If I had not of walked you would have just kept pushing further and further to check that I would not. The mistake was that you miscalculated at what point I would walk, so it caught you by surprise. The bottom line is, you needed to see that I would walk and not look back and not give in. Now you have seen that, what have you learnt, really... Now you have the answer, are you happy with the methods by which you got it and the result....'

Then sit back give them space and listen.

--

NOTE: Walk can be literal, it can be emotional and it can be relationship wise, while still speaking to them. It works in all those senses, in isolation or combined. It all depends on how far she stepped over your line.

OOOOOHHH! SHIT! That's icy. You could freeze hell over with that shit.

You're thinking about yourself in that shit soooo much, but there really isn't ego in that.

:arrow: Pratting at its best.

*Taking notes*

I'm actually about to figure out how to save and print this post.

Sniper, could you add that feature to the forum. Peregrinus's rapping was phenomenal, but I don't have a way to print this thread.

It's been the first time in a long time that I thought a thread on here was exceptional instead of informing and good.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:31 pm 
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Shockingly, 'Grinus, you and I are as alike as we are different. The way I walked away was via emotional engagement. I basically treated her not much better than any other chick I may have a 'friends with benefits' arrangement with...with is quite a stark contrast compared to how I was when she was my actual girlfriend. I'm sure that her feeling THAT difference...as well as the other dude occupying all of the space is was turned the tide...and turned it relatively QUICK too! This while event took about a month and a half, start to finish. That was the 2 things I couldn't predict:

1) How long it would take for her to realize how high the stakes were and

2) What would be the catalyst to force her hand to feed herself a hearty serving of humble pie. ;)

Everything always happens so much faster than I think it will. :mrgreen:

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:33 pm 
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Rkd, just highlight the text, copy/paste it to notepad or a MS Word document and print it. Simple. 8-)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:48 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Rkd, just highlight the text, copy/paste it to notepad or a MS Word document and print it. Simple. 8-)
Looks better on here though 8-)

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:16 am 
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Well there is a "print view" option between bookmark topic and e-mail friend ;)

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:03 am 
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Merrick wrote:
Well there is a "print view" option between bookmark topic and e-mail friend ;)
It looks "cleaner" when in that mode, might read treasure chest that way ...
Nice feature, I like it, thanks.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:05 pm 
OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHIIIIIIIT!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
rkd1990 wrote:
peregrinus wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:

I have articulated this also : 'I feel this needed to happen, you kept pushing until I walked. You were not going to stop until I did because you needed to see that I would. You would have kept on until I did, going a bit further each time until you hit that point where I did. If I had not of walked you would have just kept pushing further and further to check that I would not. The mistake was that you miscalculated at what point I would walk, so it caught you by surprise. The bottom line is, you needed to see that I would walk and not look back and not give in. Now you have seen that, what have you learnt, really... Now you have the answer, are you happy with the methods by which you got it and the result....'

Then sit back give them space and listen.

--

NOTE: Walk can be literal, it can be emotional and it can be relationship wise, while still speaking to them. It works in all those senses, in isolation or combined. It all depends on how far she stepped over your line.
OOOOOHHH! SHIT! That's icy. You could freeze hell over with that shit.
.
Yeah so I froze hell over with that shit. I paraphrased what you said Grinus, and I felt that shit so internally at the time.

Ol' girl sat there stunned, and I conveniently had an appointment to get to at the time so I dipped giving her lots of space.

She went haywire on the texting and calling tip.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:10 pm 
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I had said something along those lines in the moment...she ended saying that basically she had no idea who she was fucking with until I had to show her. :lol:

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 9:28 pm 
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rkd1990 wrote:
OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHIIIIIIIT!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
:D

So simple yet so effective.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 5:54 am 
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UPDATE: She has agreed to my engagement terms: When she is ready, she will propose...depending on how we are, I may/may not accept (between us, I'm accepting! :mrgreen: )...then we will go to a jewelry store and pick out a ring. She will pay for HALF the cost of her own engagement ring as a symbol of her INVESTMENT IN OUR FUTURE...as well as pay for my ring as well. Then, I told her that I will allow her to paint the picture that I bought the ring to save face with her family and friends...but her and I will know THE TRUTH. :twisted:

Here is a text she sent me yesterday evening after I spent the day helping her study for her nursing school exams...she wanted to tell me this over the phone but I was busy entertaining an old friend...so you guys lucked out. ;)
Quote:
I'm going to crash out .. but I just was going to call you and say thank you for being an amazing person... I truly truly appreciate everything you do and how you are with me .. I know I am a little immature at times with my decisions but you are sooooo supportive and I'm so thankful to have you in my life... I m still working on the person you need me to be .. but truly I am trying as much as I can for the moment... I know when you look at this alll your going to see is me talking about me me me but I hope you are able to see that this is more about me thanking YOU for being the wonderful amazingly supportive person YOU are...
...should everything remain smooth sailing, the end result would be the reason why I embarked on this mindset quest years ago...to prove to myself that I can beat the system and have a desirable, productive, hard working woman on MY terms in a relationship...and so I will continue to match onward...expecting the worst but continuing to hope for the best. :mrgreen:

Oh and by the way...we are still on open relationship terms. ;)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:30 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Then, I told her that I will allow her to paint the picture that I bought the ring to save face with her family and friends...but her and I will know THE TRUTH. :twisted:
Trump card?. :twisted: :twisted:

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:32 am 
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Alchemist wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
Then, I told her that I will allow her to paint the picture that I bought the ring to save face with her family and friends...but her and I will know THE TRUTH. :twisted:
Trump card?. :twisted: :twisted:
Hardly...just leveraging something she cares about. ;)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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