Making Connections - Esther Perel & Christina Pierpaoli Parker
Love it when women explain how to approach people.
You can see her falling apart just demonstrating because she's so uncomfortable even just pretending.
Goldenboy IMHO it sounds like you're trying to find the one perfect way that entails no possibility of rejection, feeling uncomfortable, or even being anxious.
The one thing that young psych gets right - is that yes, we all feel anxious at times - especially when we don't know what will happen. Her point to focus on process is also good.
But let me ask you some questions:
You obviously want to talk to her, to see where things might go - but what are you doing to solve this?
Listening to interviews, coming on the board to ask questions, read, read, read?
How has that worked for you?
In my opinion, it sounds like you're struggling with avoidance and anxiety.
The way out of that is to practice staying with unpleasant feelings - like anxiety - and learning to move your focus to the situation around you, and to try different things while feeling that way
, not by making the feelings / thoughts / sensations go away.
If you try do something that is too overwhelming - which might be talking to the girl on the bus right now - you might not be able to keep your focus where you like, feel worse, and end up avoiding more again.
Of course, if you feel like you can be anxious and it's no biggie to say 'hello' like Grinus says, go for it!
Otherwise, go slowly, you can practice stepping into anxiety at home for say 5, 10, 15 minutes and really feeling it completely; or you can practice doing things that make you feel a little anxious but not too much, and from there practice being more flexible with your behaviour.
The theory / readings should help you to move your focus off of trying to control the outcome IMO, and to enjoying yourself rather than trying to get anything. (IE enjoying the process with the anxiety/excitement that comes from the unknown). If they're aren't doing that, but just making you feel
better when reading, then are they really helping?
Just my 2C.
You're commenting on a 10 year old thread.
Man. The looking back at this thread. I remember the bus situation.