Natural Freedom

The only reason I asked this girl was because it was hard to do it. My best friend has been hounding me to go and friend took at shot at me. Really I didn't want him to 'win' so that was a big motivator.

She thought it was extremely cute I asked her I knew she was attracted, but her response was more than I imagined. I knew she was attracted to me. I went in trying to go out of my comfort zone. Now it seems like every emotion I've had about her has come to the surface.

I had texted her Tuesday regarding prom stuff. No response. Friday afternoon called her. Nope. Saturday ran into her at work. She immediately responded to the question. I could not find it in me to check her. She knew she should've responded. She usually happy and bubbly and her smile is contagious. I just became happy and couldn't maintain any anger against her. I needed to check her, she even expected it.

I don't know what to do about that now. I can keep my cool with girls until they know I like them and they respond positively to that. Then my emotions go crazy and I have a hard time being myself or have any game.

Sounds like a personal problem.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

expand foofatron

Come on, a tiny weeny bit more info

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

What is the point in taking the time to write a 4 paragraph long post with almost no information?

Is this some kind of competition amongst the posters? Write as much as you can, give as little info as possible!

Though, to be fair footy, you did give more information than most of the other guys.

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Sparkling All Over

Yeah, I feel there's something he's not telling us...

Her behavior seems like that of a girl who's been pestered by a needy guy.

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden

No I don't text her. I've only made contact with her via phone when I had to. She has taken me to the college I'm going to to check it out. Her brother goes there and she offered. She's taken me to a get together with people from work. I offered her money and she said essentially for you never. She made me hug her goodbye before I got out of the car last time. This is the girl who told me I was far more attractive than her winter all date. She has definitely lost interest over time because I did not make a move. She was choosing me for a small time, but I was to nervous to do anything with it.

My theory is I sound nervous over the phone. I hate talking over the phone period. My emotions are now surging out. I think the whole play it cool, don't ask girls out thing has become a crutch. See when I ask girls out I can be rejected so when I play it cool I'm in far more control because it's not like I'm in a position to be rejected. Now the more attractive I perceive the girl the less cool I am. I find myself become more attracted to girls just because they like me and become nervous when I wasn't before. Running into her at work was definitely the hardest time to be around her in person ever. My vibe has changed.

Her behavior, I think is a reaction to my behavior now. No matter how much I read and try to internalize when it comes to girls I actually like I get nervous. If they like me then I become really nervous. Maybe I'm afraid of messing up something that's not there yet.

Btw I don't think I have ever said hello to her first once we did so at the same time. I never went out of my way.

According to my experience on this:

It is fear of rejection you have. Even when the girl clearly likes you, your self image prevents anything from happening (good or bad) and rejects the experience to her first, so it won't hurt if she does it improptu. This is a control issue from your part and so is an insecurity problem. This stems from a lack entitlement (deservedness problem, you feel that you don't deserve this "kind" of girl, even less when she reciprocates).

Do you keep telling internally:

- She's out of my league
- Yeah she's probably playing games...
- What does she wants?
- What does she sees in me?
- She's probably the same with all other guys

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GMST

I have definitely questioned why girls like me.

I have thought what does she want a lot. If a girl likes me I'm like why. You don't even know me you, just think I'm cute. That may be more of being angry that they are users and so am I.

I'm constintly afraid the girls that reciprocate might leave. I was thinking every day what if this girl leaves and I can't get another girl, then I'd be a loser! I was constantly afraid. So yeah I must have been telling myself she's just playing games. Like she was just barely saying yes and may leave at any moment. If a girl actually rejected me I'd take it so personally. I cried when the last girl left me :/. She even admitted she just used me to feel good. The thing is the fears are what ruin my relationships. When I become nervous, needy, and afraid it pushes them away. Self-sabotaging really.

have you ever asked yourself "why do I like girls, that I encounter for the first time?"

you should be honored that someone "used" you to feel good.
treat people in kind! if you do like her, but sees that she's trying to game you, reverse game and satisfy thyself


(ok, I'm going back into my black ball now)

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"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

Oh, no! I haven't had my cootie shots yet!

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden

Yeah I use them too.

No amount of weightlifting, positive responses, or other people have seemed to boost my self esteem in those situations all that "progress" seems to fall by the way side. Meditation and having realizations feel good, but I'm still as weak as ever in those moments. Is that just a cause of attachment that can't be avoided?

I'm not sure why I have low-self esteem. I had low self-esteem since I can remember like 4. Can't find a cause. How did you guys deal with your self-esteem problems?

search your feelings, look deep with. if you know what low self esteem is you should have no problem finding "enforcers" of this "low state". it stems from many roots, and only you know your life.

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"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

Thats problem #1 right there... Fuck what your friends think, don't pay any attention to hounding or goading.
Ok, so what if this happened? Would you die from being a loser? Is there anything at all that you can think of in the world that you would enjoy and have fun at even if you were a "loser"?

Would you spend the rest of your life moping in a depressed stupor, or would you find things to do that you would love and at least some of the time you would feel happy and good?

Think long and hard about these questions. Let your gut answer, not your head.

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho

Wow, I just realized that I responded here to something in another thread.

My bad.

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden

Being a loser would not prevent me from enjoying life. It means nothing, it is simply a social put down and judgement. I would still enjoy walking on a nice day, lifting, etc. Does it even force me to change how I relate to others? No. The only thing I struggle with is if I'm a loser then I'm less than others. I have yet to realize it doesn't matter. I appreciate your post and I'll see where it goes.

If you buy into being a loser, it would affect your enjoyment of life.

If you buy into being less than others, that becomes your story.
It isn´t about worthiness or unworthiness, it´s more like because you accept
the story, and live yourself into it, you feel this way.

Change the story. It´s faster to live from a totally different context than trying
to change your worthiness/unworthiness.

In order to be UNHAPPY, you´ll have to accept a negative program.

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♫♫♩♫‿◦

Yes! Very nice Jared. When I first came to this forum, your posts seemed cryptic and obtuse. Now they are some of my favorites.

One nuance I see is that "changing your story" is not necessarily about adopting a new story that you think will be better. You also (consciously or unconsciously) chose the story that is now causing suffering, what makes you think that choosing a new story will lead to a better place?

No, the way I see it is its about letting go of the story you hold onto now, and instead of replacing it with a new story, be open to finding out what the truth really is.

Sit and look, and see what is really there. Don't buy into any story that comes from your mind. Instead, inquire and find out what is really there. Sit and ask yourself why being less/more than others is so important to you. You have a mental understanding that it doesn't matter, but you don't feel that it doesn't matter yet. Keep asking why, why, why. Keep asking, ask your gut, dig until you have dug up the whole root. Then see what naturally fills the space on its own.

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho

We are programmed too much to define ourselves in this world. From an early age, we are prodded to find a role, a space, and fill it. At least in America, this type of self-categorization seems to permeate all aspects of life.

But what if we broke the chain? What if we just were...how can you define something as dynamic as an individual's life?

I find in my own lifetime, I have reinvented, defined, categorized myself so many different times as a result of my experiences and my change in demeanor/outlook that has resulted from those experiences.

Though let me tell you, every time I have associated myself with a specific niche, clique, category, type of person - whatever - every time I have done this, it has only held me back from truly being myself and realizing my potential.

Every time you focus on that end result of being _____, you lose sight of what is really important and that is just being.

EVERY TIME! I get the most out of life whenever I am in that limbo period of not being anything in particular, just being myself...because myself could be anything or it could be nothing.

Ya digg?

I went last night and it was fun. I'll break it down to good and bad in my view.

Bad: I did not talk much to her directly except when we were alone. I waited for my friends date to say something to chime in. She was talking like non stop. I find that phenomenon interesting how neither of us talk much to each other unless we are alone. We talked in the group conv. Some comments on the dance floor. There was some distance between us, revealed while not dancing, that I believe was caused by not talking to her directly much. I wanna step up my mouthpiece. She'd talk if the ball was rolling. I didn't like how she was talking to my friend more than me. However he is far more talkative than me. I knew I'd like her even more after. My friend's symping, like his 'promposal' didn't help me either. I had just had to stand there because I knew I couldn't win such a battle verbally. He kept saying you're not learning fast enough! Which was wired because that was a bit of a role reversal for us and he knows where I stand. I knew I could not get anywhere verbally on that.

Good: She's been to 5 proms now and said this was her best. She said because we didn't care how we looked and danced. That was apparently a big thing for her. She made a few comments that I took as interest, but really I think after knowing her for a while with not much happening between us makes it harder. I didn't feel much romantic tension, except in the beginning. That could have just been general nervousness. I did mostly what I wanted, she didn't follow twice, but she didn't feel comfortable both those times. I wanted to dance under the gazebo, but she was like we can't go down there. Then a cop came towards me and I was like ok maybe not. We could and did, but didn't dance. Sometimes I wanted to dance with her and other times I wanted to do my own thing so I did. I kinda like dancing because I like moving my body to the beat I guess. She admitted the long delay was bad on her part.

Honestly tho most people were just grinding the whole time. I thought you payed $65 to just grind? How fun can that be to grind for 4 hours for either party. I liked facing her sometimes and just dancing. I don't grind and we did some fake grinding lol, close but not her on my d. Sometimes I felt limited by her and just wanted to dance by myself. It's still way overpriced in my mind.

It's been a while since I've had a girl in my life. I've never had a proper girlfriend and still think I'm missing out. I feel like I'm young so if I date it wouldn't be serious just for fun. Then it wouldn't matter who I dated as long as I liked them and had fun. My mind does not agree. I think you guys would not agree either. Women give me a feeling that I don't feel on my own.

Whenever you truly see (not understand, but see) what is actually happening that makes this statement appear to be a solid fact, you will break out of an endless loop.

As long as you believe that they are the source of what you feel around them, it will be futile, and even seem stupid to try to 'let go' or be 'indifferent' - the healthy kind - in any true way.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4