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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 12:54 pm 
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I had a post pointed out to me, reading it I wanted to post it here..


Quote:
melonsle:

Let's point our lens at you and zoom out, then zoom in, then zoom out again, then do a little dance, and see what we can learn about you.

When you're approaching people, you're doing it with the expectation that something will happen. You're "trying to make something happen". I recommend you think a lot about the default state you're in prior to / during the approach, and how you're thinking to change this state.

I'm going to use a word that can have some shame attached to it, but doesn't have to, it can be seen as just a neutral word: manipulation. Manipulation really means originally, etymologically, moving something around with your hands, attempting to change it.

What I think you will find, if you look deeply at yourself, is that your 'default state' with respect to how you view yourself, people in general, your chances with others, how others accept you - your view of all these things has significant negative streaks in it. I don't doubt you can smile and be kind at times, but you are probably carrying a significant burden of toxic beliefs. This for me is confirmed in your last line: "People suck".

This is the state you're attempting to change, using other people as a means of changing how you feel. You are implicitly, and perhaps sub-consciously, saying to them:

Prove to me my beliefs are wrong, let's get a positive social vibe going here! I want things to be fun and social, I want to connect with you!

But your default state is also being broadcast, and it's saying something like:

I don't trust you, I need you to congratulate me, I need you to like me, please prop me up by showing me I have friends.

People are strange beasts. I suspect you caught a mental social virus, that I also caught, that says something along the lines of "dudes who stay at home by themselves and don't have big social circles, really suck as people" - or some variant of that. Part of this subconscious 'default state' that I'm telling you you have, is that you are ashamed of your solitude, your aloneness, your otherness, standing on your own, and just doing dudely batchelory things by yourself.

So you're saying:

I'm ashamed of myself. Please help me fix this. Let's get social.

Well, as I think you're finding out, people rarely have the extra energy to share to help pull you up from your default state, into the higher state you're trying to achieve, by validating you. They sense, instinctively, the energy suck that you are trying to perform, and because they have their own problems, are not able to help you. Doubly so because you are a stranger.

This is why, in a total paradox, a good way to become better at socializing is to spend a good chunk of your early 20s largely alone, pursuing whatever hobbies interest you. Yes, I said it, lock yourself in your apartment and play videogames and watch movies. Gasp! The horror! What a terrible thing to tell someone!!! Everyone please stop reading what I'm saying right now!!! Just get out and CoLd ApPrOaCh YoUr EnTiRe CamPuS BroZ!!!

But I learned to socialize properly by spending years on my own, being anti-social. How did this work? Basically, I learned to like/love myself in my default state, to appreciate myself for all the porn-watching, video-game playing, chinese-food eating craziness that is me. All these things that guys love to hate in themselves, I also wanted to "hate out of existence" or "hate into evolution" - but after a while, it didn't work, so I decided to love myself for these things.

As I did this, my soul became satisfied. I was doing the things I want - without shame - and building a life that, whatever people were in or not in it - was fulfilling to me. Did I want more for myself? Sure. But ultimately, I was learning how to become content.

This gradual filling of my soul up with love for myself, brought me tremendous benefits. Some of the benefits were even spiritual, and not something other people would easily understand. I became closer to the heart of the world. But I'll not get too poetic here, I know we love staying grounded in visible reality, so I'll just say: I became very comfortable with myself.

When my default state improved, through self-love, I found out I could interact while placing less and less burden of expectation onto others. My vibe began to say (and NOT because I was consciously trying to exude this vibe):

I'm really ok if you don't like me. I like my life. I like what I'm about. That is all.

And people can take it or leave it.

That change results in pretty magical effects, the first of which is, I stopped applying subconscious pressure to my interactions to "just get them to work". I also stopped flipping out if things didn't work, saying things like "people suck". They don't suck. Its just, not everybody is meant to be my friend.

This is what it means to fall in love with solitude, and with yourself. The result is, socializing is very easy. I don't need things to work. If I go home to myself, it is a joyous thing. I don't need other people in my life as a shield against my own self-hatred.

Look at yourself in terms of these things and see what you can see. See what your default state is, and what it means to you to come home alone to an empty house - is love or hatred there? What pressure are you putting on others, because you need their approval to be ok with yourself? Asking all these questions and meditating and spending time alone, will move you in the direction that I described. And its not about 'status', in any way, shape, or form. Its about self-love and whether you are peaking your head out of an internal tropical paradise, or reaching out while you hang over an abyss of self-loathing, and asking others to save you from it. Good luck.
It is from reddit, /asktrp/comments/87zjds/approaching_fails_bc_my_social_status_is_too_low/dwhbfif/

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:06 pm 
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A very enjoyable read so much valuable gems of information.

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:20 pm 
Midas approved ;) 200%


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:23 pm 
Resonance wrote: *
A very enjoyable read so much valuable gems of information.
dont enjoy it, understand it..

what if this answers your own questions from your own post?


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:37 pm 
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Nice article grinus!
Quote:
But I learned to socialize properly by spending years on my own, being anti-social. How did this work? Basically, I learned to like/love myself in my default state, to appreciate myself for all the porn-watching, video-game playing, chinese-food eating craziness that is me. All these things that guys love to hate in themselves, I also wanted to "hate out of existence" or "hate into evolution" - but after a while, it didn't work, so I decided to love myself for these things.
I think the word he meant was *a-social*

There's:

pro-social (going out connecting with people, doing things for and with, people)
a-social (just doing your thing by your own, not trying to do anything for others)
anti-social (things that actually repell others by the virtue of the word anti-, say harm, shame, rudeness, coldness etc.)

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:44 pm 
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Midas wrote: *
Resonance wrote: *
A very enjoyable read so much valuable gems of information.
dont enjoy it, understand it..

what if this answers your own questions from your own post?
I do understand quite well! It does and it doesn’t because I already knew my objective from the outset. From my perspective and experience there are times you need to make things happen if I never reached out to slim we probably would never see one another again and I don’t want to wonder what if, especially from the indicators I previously missed beforehand.

From my experience just letting things happen to you can be wonderful and it could be devastating. Bottom line is to me you need to have intention in some area of your life or you will always be at the bottom of the barrel. You should read the 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey he explains this well! Another great one is The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy they have a track record of why developing skills is necessary.

Especially people skills! Nothing is more valuable in life than your health and fitness, mindset development, independence, reputation, and people skills. They are the foundation for life positive and negative. Do you want to make things happen or are you left wandering WTF happened? Do create a world better than you found it or do you just accept the world that is given to you?

Just like what is emphasized in the matrix it’s all about choice

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 7:13 pm 
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Good read


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 7:42 pm 
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Amazing read! Very recognisable... Thanks for sharing Peregrinus!

BTW the link you provided didn't work for me. Here's another link to the original post on Reddit:
https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comment ... s_too_low/


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:54 am 
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This is a great post.

@Resonance you're absolutely right. You definitely need intention and action, but I don't think the author of the post was saying that you should just sit back and do nothing. Or to "just let things happen"

I think he was more saying that it's all about the place you're coming from. (And I know you get this, I've read a lot of your posts)

But to be really content with yourself. To be truly ok with whatever happens either way. It's actually more freeing. You actually end up taking MORE action, because whatever outcome is ok to you.

Personally, I've found that when I'm truly content with meself (I get glimpses of it from time to time but can't get it to freaking last), I take a lot of action. But it's not like runnin around making a bunch of cold approaches type of action. It's more like inspired action. Like I feel it. Like even if I do "cold approach", it's because it FELT like the right thing to do in that moment and I didn't question it. (And I usually never cold approach. I prefer the Kidd method of just picking from who is jocking lol)

But I feel you on the wondering what if thing. The funny thing is, the times when I've felt "the juice" as I like to call it, and would make "cold approaches" they would go really well :lol: and I would go crazy trying to recreate it next time. Failing I might add. Cause as soon as you start trying it can be felt a mile away. I read somewhere about the energy we give off. Like when you see a homeless dude walking towards your car. He hasn't said a word yet but you can feel that he wants something from you. You can literally feel that "wanting" energy coming off him. I imagine this is a similar energy the author of the post was talking about. That when you're content with self you're not giving off that wanting energy. Or giving off less of it. Whether it's wanting approval, wanting sex from a woman, wanting to seem "cool" or whatever it is (I'm making progress on a lot of this shit myself, digging around in there)

This:
Quote:
I found out I could interact while placing less and less burden of expectation onto others. My vibe began to say (and NOT because I was consciously trying to exude this vibe):

I'm really ok if you don't like me. I like my life. I like what I'm about. That is all.
This:
Quote:
I stopped applying subconscious pressure to my interactions to "just get them to work". I also stopped flipping out if things didn't work,
And This:
Quote:
I don't need things to work. If I go home to myself, it is a joyous thing
Sorry for the long post, it's late and I've been burning that blue dream hahahaha :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2018 12:21 pm 
alk47 wrote: *


@Resonance you're absolutely right. You definitely need intention and action, but I don't think the author of the post was saying that you should just sit back and do nothing. Or to "just let things happen"

I remember i had this intention to get rich. I took action and played the lottery. My old neighbour saw me doing this, he said: "My son you will definetly get rich! Rich with experience!" ; )


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2018 2:46 pm 
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@alk47 like the pursuit of happiness and all emotions they are temporary. Trying to make something last will cause more suffering than you are already going through. You must learn to just be ok with all emotion for they are a part of you just learn to not identify with it. Even on my worst days I accidentally catch the attention of women it still very interesting on why that even happens.

To my understanding learning to be at peace with all of your emotions is the next step to being comfortable in your own skin, but glad to hear you are having results in life keep at it.

@Midas, good nothing like actual application and involvement of life to have true understanding ,reading about it will only get you so far.

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2018 5:09 pm 
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alk47 wrote: *
But to be really content with yourself. To be truly ok with whatever happens either way. It's actually more freeing. You actually end up taking MORE action, because whatever outcome is ok to you.

Personally, I've found that when I'm truly content with meself (I get glimpses of it from time to time but can't get it to freaking last), I take a lot of action. But it's not like runnin around making a bunch of cold approaches type of action. It's more like inspired action. Like I feel it. Like even if I do "cold approach", it's because it FELT like the right thing to do in that moment and I didn't question it.
Nods
alk47 wrote: *
Cause as soon as you start trying it can be felt a mile away. I read somewhere about the energy we give off. Like when you see a homeless dude walking towards your car. He hasn't said a word yet but you can feel that he wants something from you. You can literally feel that "wanting" energy coming off him. I imagine this is a similar energy the author of the post was talking about. That when you're content with self you're not giving off that wanting energy. Or giving off less of it. Whether it's wanting approval, wanting sex from a woman, wanting to seem "cool" or whatever it is
THIS ^



Tangent: I believe this second quote is what happens with cats.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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