A part of my holds on so tight because I don't want to feel like a failure. I feel like I should be able to make this relationship work and make it phenomenal. I know I have many options, but even leaving makes me feel like I failed. I want a long term relationship and have never had one so not being able to make it happen makes me feel like I'm not good enough.
This is where you need to focus your work.
This underlying drive is not even about the relationship, but is going to greatly color your ability to see clearly and make wise decisions.
It is like someone insisting they finish running 4 miles because they'll feel like a failure if they don't meet this arbitrary ideal they set (which your definition of "long term relationship" is btw, because everyone's is,) while they have lost all form, body is contorted, probably doing lots of damage, but they don't want to feel this constructed sense of failure. They are blind to everything except this. Ever see this? It's physically painful to watch people running this way, and the "accomplishment" is arbitrary.
hint: the feeling of failure is already there and it has found something in this relationship to give it a context, which we crave for such feelings. If you reach the point where women and relationships stop being some kind of goal or project with a big carrot at the end and just become the natural part of life that they are- and they are a nice one, that feeling would project onto something else: Career, money, some other invented thing.
Also note that most people are responding to energy of what you are saying and the vibe you are putting forward, not the minutiae. You are focused on a lot of details that don't matter nearly as much as you think. It's not the type of thing where you can say "but she sends me a lot of texts that she misses me" and everyone is going to say "well, this changes everything!" Because:
I generally come to this form to post about relationship issues or receive insight into things I don't understand and therefore a lot of what I've said probably makes the relationship sound crappy.
It doesn't sound crappy but your relationship to the relationship is what I would venture to say people are having a gut level reaction to. ItNote that everything you are describing is perfectly natural for people especially this young. A lot of it is also a type of personal hell, which is impossible to realize until you are on the other side of it and know what it is to be free of this. It is worth it. You don't lose any of the good, you don't stop caring about people or enjoying intimacy- you just get the direct experience of it without all the bullshit overhead and ego out of the way.