Natural Freedom

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 4:23 pm 
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https://bryanreeves.com/choose-her-ever ... leave-her/
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I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.

I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.

I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.
Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her.
I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less.

Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.

She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.

To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.

I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.

Actually, I did abandon her.
By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.
Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.

I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.

It’s torture for everyone.

If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:

“Why am I choosing my partner today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.

But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.

Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

You do, too.
Choose wisely.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 6:24 pm 
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This can be used with anything.. Job, hobby, etc

It is amazing, thank you


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 6:33 pm 
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I NEEDED IT EXACTLY TODAY. Thanks Grinus.

I will let it sink for an hour or so and read it again. And again. And choose wisely.

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 5:30 am 
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I read the comments on his article.

Mostly women not chosen by their husband. Plus, the message there is for them to choose themselves first to let a man choose her later.

I think it applies to us men too. Choose yourself, then choose a good woman that chooses you too.

Will read it again once.

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2015 4:47 pm 
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Location: Foundation/Root
needed this...

work is murder...

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"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 4:14 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 6:49 am
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I've read this before somewhere...good read.

Like I've always said...take stock of who is choosing you, then YOU choose the one you like BEST. 8-)

Reciprocation, reciprocation, reciprocation ;)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 24, 2021 11:24 am 
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Up again.

Really important self-awareness and self-respect story. :geek:

Made me think of the : Your Girlfriend Is a Product, and You Are Too
Quote:
You are a product. You sell yourself to a prospective buyer in exchange for her product – herself.
If you think that getting the girlfriend experience she’s offering you is worth giving her your boyfriend experience, you make the trade.
If you don’t think it’s worth it, you keep looking for a better deal. This is the “dating market”.

If, one week or one month or fifty years after making the trade, you find that the product no longer fulfills your needs, you return it and start looking for a new product.
That’s what you’re supposed to do, anyway, but a lot of people don’t do that.

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler


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