Yeah, Flow is right.
You can all probably guess what it means.
Basically, I just felt her as a mother for the first time in a long, long time. We basically did a recap of the last 6 years, not in an angry or hostile manner, not even placing blame, but just clarifying the mindset behind some of her and my reactions/decisions.
She even said something along the lines of her being worried when I moved to a new high school, because she could see the same need for approval in me that she often feels, and how she was afraid when I made some dumb decisions to try to fit in (way too many to count). Hearing that was huge on a lot of levels (but the honesty behind it, mainly).
I could barely exchange a couple of sentences with her, and don't remember the last time we made eye contact. That talk though, we sat across from each other for almost 2 hours and just talked about things. No I forgive you was needed, it was implied and understood by both.
Same night, I:
1.) Thought I lost my wallet in the bus and got my bus ticket picked up by a middle aged smiling lady, without me even saying a word to her. It was like 5 euros, which is an incredible level of generosity for a stranger in Central Europe. Found the wallet buried in my backpack, thank god.
2.) Went out with a group of girls, all of whom were dtf. That's never happened to me before. Felt like Hugh Hefner.
3.) Didn't have enough money to pick up a bottle of liquor at the store. Didn't matter, lady behind the counter said I could bring back the rest anytime. We ended up drinking a couple shots when I did.
4.) Had the most mind-blowing and intimate experience with one of those 3 girls. Fooling around, but also periods of just looking into each others eyes for an hour and sharing some very personal things. It sounds sappy, blue-pilly or whatever, but, again, I've never had that level of intimacy with a girl before. I've hooked up with a few, but it was glorified masturbation.
So we'll see where this all goes. The road ahead is observing the attachment I have to that one girl and accepting it for what it is (I've been trying to push it out of my system for the past couple of days).
Anyway, this thread got very derailed. Or maybe it didn't.