There's something that has been eating me up for years. Sometimes I think I'm cursed no matter how hard I try I seem to can't find a girl. I don't know what it is. Its just downright depressing sometimes not to the point of where I want to kill myself or others. I just want somebody to share my thoughts with and it's seems like as soon as get close with a girl either something comes up or we weren't really feeling each other or some non sense that didn't make the relationship happen.
Like this situation that happen I'll say like 9 months ago I was still in high school. Me and a couple of friends we skipping school to smoke some trees and one of my homie invited a girl. So she came up looking at me up and down then our eyes meet and we held it for like while I'm talking about instant attraction. So I got the number blah blah blah she would text me all the time to hang out but I never did I always had an excuse but they were legit.
I didn't had a car or a job I was just broke
So after I graduated I was in hustle mode tryna find a dolla and eventually got a job. So finally my only friend at the time girlfriend had a car and they wanted to go to the movies
and I was cool let me hit up ole girl who's been trying to chill with me for months now.
Guess what happened she started making excuses oh I can't go because of... I was like cool so I just third wheel my friend and his girlfriend to the movies. I know I should've got some more girls but I didn't because I just didn't care at the time to get girls and I had so many opportunities I didn't take...but anyways. Every time a opportunity came for me and this chick to hang out she always had an excuse. One day I just told her "If you're seeing another guy just stay with him and leave me alone because I don't have time for all these games" or something along those lines. of course she denied it
after that I just stopped contacting her.
This is not the only misfortunate situation I has with females I had a girl one time that wouldn't date me because her friend said that I was black and that it will look bad on her and heard this from friends of friends and that fucked me up a little on the inside and when I found this out it opened my eyes a lititle bit of how fucked up females are because she will just run up to me
telling how she is mesmerized by me and just staring at her with so much disgust. Eventually we stopped talking to each other.
Right now in the military I want this cycle to end I don't wanna go through the shit I did in my school dayz. Of course I still have females jocking me this is nothing new
to me. It has come to the point where i dont trust females. I just want something different I don't know what I'm doing wrong I try to keep things as simple as possible
but it turns out being so complicated with these females.
I am satisfied alone but I'm not happy that's probably my problem. I distance myself away from males too I have a few friends but one real friend that I consider a brother. The funny thing is I used to be really social until I found out how shitty people are.
Yeah I need to work on my inner being. I feel like a girl is just gonna pop up one day and all this is gonna go away but it won't. This is a cold world I'm living in.
I need some clarification