Yes, The Kidd!! mentioned that I'm to staunch with myself. In the phase that I'm in, I waiver with openness and slight attachment. I'm not completely indifferent. After I do certain things like take them to court or check them I feel indifferent, I don't act indifferent. However, I'm not indifferent or something internally that keeps me from being carefree with myself.
I'll let Kidd respond to this, if he wants to. I don't know the context or what he meant when he said that you're too staunch with yourself.
I think you can be closed on the outside and inside.
I think you can be open on the outside and closed on the inside which prevents you from acting on things you see all the time. Hence, you'll talk to women or men that talk to you first, but when you reach out you do it incorrectly sometimes.
I think it is impossible to be open internally, but closed externally. However, I have not crossed the bridge that would let me see this idea with the aid of experience.
Yeah, I'm not sure its totally parallel, but thats not a bad way to think about it either.
Along with internal staunchness question, what made you quit being staunch?
Well, honestly it was taking a step back from trying to work on tactics and trying to get results and instead spending some time just investigating the more spiritual/philosophical internal questions, without feeling like I needed to see concrete external results from the energy I was putting into it. It was just being curious about bigger questions, like 'what am I,' 'why are we here,' 'what is enlightenment,' 'how do I make sense of this experience of being human,' 'why do I not feel like everything is ok as it is?'
I did a lot of exploring by reading/listening to stuff from GP Walsh and the Balls Project, Adyashanti, Greg Goode, Osho, and others here and there.
You know, at some point you realize that being focused only on perfecting your abilities with women is shortsighted. Like you can have hot women hanging all over you, desperately trying to please you, always thinking of you before themselves, and that might feel pretty damn good for a little while, but that satisfaction is going to run out at some point. You'll start to feel like there's something missing, something gnawing, something just not quite right, because you've only really been paying attention to external, not the internal. Or if you have been paying attention to whats going on internally, its been predicated on doing it because it will lead to the external results you think you want.
But if you focus on internal just for the sake of focusing on internal, just because you're curious about those big questions and you want to know the answers and it doesn't matter if knowing those answers makes you better or worse with women, then thats what might lead you toward greater inner peace.
And when you're internally peaceful (or at least mostly peaceful), when you're satisfied with your life as it is right now, and you don't
need anything to be different than it already is, then being staunch doesn't really make sense anymore.
Thats what being indifferent really truly is. Its not just being indifferent about a specific woman, or women in general. Its about being OK with everything exactly as it is. Being indifferent to things being "better" than they are, or "worse" than they are, because everything is fundamentally OK as it is.
http://blog.tarabrach.com/2011/10/absol ... table.html
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“Enlightenment is absolute cooperation with the inevitable.” - Anthony De Mello
"And the basic thing to remember is: if life is not becoming a celebration, then something is wrong with you, not with life itself. The old religions said life is wrong. I make you responsible, not life. Life is God. And from there the whole process changes; then something has to be cleaned in you. Something that is hanging around you has to be cut. Chunks of conditioning have to be dropped. You have to go through a surgery." - Osho
"Don't seek relief, seek wisdom and truth." - GP Walsh
“The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth then hold no opinion for or against. The struggle of what one likes and what one dislikes is the disease of the mind.” ― Sengcan, Hsin Hsin Ming