Fair enough Slim.
My best advice is what star already said.
Too many beautiful women in this world to stress too much over any one of them. I don't mean to just drop her all staunch and such.
Just reassess the situation as you see fit.
And just like that you checked yourself while you were telling me to check that girl.
Do you realize what happened? Instead of telling you that you were just repping your ego with that response to what I said about why questions I let you set yourself up by listening.
You showed me your hand and that hand (the statement you quoted) has very little to do with the effects of what transpired that night.
The same thing happened with the girl. I listened to her and she created a line that had very little to do with what I said. Read what I wrote if you don't believe me. I gave her the space to reflect on that by being silent and looking away. She checked herself in the same way that you checked yourself. However, what's different about this case is that I actually have to give you more information because you didn't read closely enough the first time. I said, "already," that literally means what has happened in the past.
As for your response about focusing on the why you are still wrong, and I hope you have the humility to listen. When you focus on why you don't get to the mechanics of things. You get the theory of things. You can often times deduce cause and effect from logical why questions, but that takes you out of the present moment for one. Second, often times the logic of why is laden with emotion. Hence, it will be nearly impossible to find the why out without understanding the how and what of actions that preceded it. Further, the how and what often answers the why question. So, the why question becomes redundant.
Take a situation of a person that doesn't like ice cream but likes milk. Asking why will lead you down a series of stupid questions. If you ask that person how ice cream tastes versus how milk tastes you get to the root of their beliefs.
The question of why is often ego driven and asking why all the time is definitely egoistic. You're only caring about yourself or limiting to your needs because the why question only fulfills what you're thinking about. If someone is thinking trains rule and you ask why they might not be thinking about the train at all. They might be thinking about the tracks, the scenery, the buildings, the seats etc.
Further, it might be good to reflect on what Star's advice entails. How is it possible for me to demonstrate the level of self-respect that Star is advising without dropping them? How many women have you dropped that have turned you down after an incidental meeting? If so, how many missed opportunities do you think have occurred? If you haven't missed any opportunities but you have dropped a lot of women because they didn't agree to your incidental meeting but want to talk more, how many women do you currently have? It's not about how many you have been with but how many you currently have because that mindset breeds bad habits. It is obvious that she likes me, but I saw her on a SATURDAY night. Is it possible that she has other plans? Is it possible that her 20 something year old daughter is home and she doesn't want to show me off to her daughter for a 1am affair? Is it possible that something hasn't happened yet that she believes is necessary to a fulfilling sex based relationship?
There are a lot of questions to ask. Now focusing on myself and my self-respect is extremely egoistic. What's damaging to my self-respect about getting turned down from a RANDOM meeting that only happened because I happened to stop in at the bar at the RIGHT time? Remember, she was nursing an almost empty beer for 30 minutes or more talking to me. There's a time and place for everything. Have we even found out that I cannot dictate the time and place for sex? I've never asked her out, tried to setup a meeting a public place, nor have I asked her to come to my place or vice versa.
If you read the later posts then you know that we haven't talked in 3 months because of my doing. I told her to call me and she gave me resistance. So, I didn't text her and deleted her number. She's probably even tried to reach me in between then with her attitude. Who knows, I have a DO NOT ANSWER list that she may have been on before I deleted her number.
Now who's self-respect might be challenged by our 1am affair? She's worked at the construction site for the library for 3 months and we haven't talked once. She even mentioned how close my dorm was to the site. She may have tried to contact me and I blew her off because I was so staunch that I took her not trying to call me at 12am as a sign of disrespect. Now, after 3 months I casually ask her to come back to my place.
Last, are you really sure that I'm stressing about this woman? Or, might I just have been curious to find out some more things about myself?
Also, thank you Grinus for helping me see what really happened. It took three clues but that's three clues enough.