Wow, I knew this forum would have a great deal of value. This approach is pretty different than all the others, and there are some pretty good points in here.
She invited you to Thanksgiving?
That's a holiday. If you have any priorities then you spend it with your family.
If you have any type of principles relating to personal time off, such as holidays, then you only spend them with people that you consider FAMILY.
guess what that means....
I hope you didn't go. I can't remember the original post in this thread and what the story is though.
You have two options. Make her shit or get off the pot. It's killing you.
Well, my family is all across the country. I had generalized plans for Thanksgiving and pretty much knew the basic crowd with whom I would be spending it, but my plans hadn't solidified as of yet. When she asked, I bought a couple days to get back to her. I then ran it by a close friend of mine. His advice may not be as advanced as what I would get from y'all, but he thought that since the girl and I had a friendship, she at the very least was just wanting some company. Or, that it may have been a "good sign" (his words), maybe she wanted to put me in the traditional BF roll without the risk. Like a test, or reassurance, or something.
So I did go. I wanted to see for myself what it was all about. Maybe it would bring her closer, maybe she gets over whatever her barriers are to us being together. I'll wait for you to stop laughing, but these are the thougths that came to me. It was the invitation for a private drink at her place after we drove back to our side of town that I really wanted a reality check on ... that story is all at the top of the thread.
But your point, shit or get off the pot, is VALID. I have to do it first! By that I mean, either sucome to being her platonic "plus one" and life in the friend zone, if that's her intention, or give her the ultimatum. I don't want to spend the next 5 holidays hearing her answer to the inevidible question, "we're just friends." Fuck that.
After I fucked a girl a little while back, I couldn't accept that it was just a one time thing. SHE HAD BEEN CHOOSING ME FOR FOUR YEARS..... Today, I decided to walk over to her room to apologize for my attachment because I didn't treat her fairly and check her as much as should have been done. Plus, I didn't give her the space she needed.
I'm not super clear why your treatment of this chick was not fair...she chose you for a 4 year period and you ignored her? Then when she got off you and chose the 37 year old dude, and you were pissed, you realized that you were pissed for no legit reason? Just wanted to make sure I had that right.
Try writing the letter. See how that makes you feel. It seems like it's difficult for you to adequately process your emotions right now. This will help. Nothing is off limits in the letter, your fantasies, hates, anything. Unload it all.
So write her a letter, tell her everything that is going on in my mind. Everything. OK ... that might serve as a catharsis, maybe a profound one...I'll think about it.
If that doesn't do the trick. Take the letter with you and read it to her. It will be the scariest and most exciting thing you've thought to do in the last month. I guarantee.
YIKES! I'd never see or hear from her again, but for the wrong reason, I thnk. She'd freak out that I dumped all that emotional shit on her. As of now she knows only that I once mentioned us becomming more than just friends (and was thoroughly excoriated on this forum for doing so). Not one additional word about us as a romantic possibility has been mentioned again.
Then, if that doesn't work, wait about 2-4 weeks and randomly show up at her house when you think she might be home with a second letter created that talks about what you learned and what you want to apologize to her for that wasn't fair to her, that didn't treat her ACCORDINGLY.
I don't see what I have to apologize for, unless I really did read a hate letter to her...I don't see that happening. I'm not blaming her for this...I may be pretty pissed about it, but that anger is not directed at her. She is just a demonstration of some crap going on in my mind, some past loss, something I still haven't identified. At least that is what I think.
We have a decent friendship ... she's a woman and therefore crazy in the way all women are, but I like her company. As far as girlfriends go, she would be a good one for as long as it lasted. Or so it seems from my current perspective. I'm not ready to vaporize the friendship yet. I would like to be able to convey that ultimatum, shit of get off the pot, without vaporizing the friendship. But that's probably not possible.