This all stemmed from StephenP's thread
All part of the game I guess…
I had a question for peregrinus about one of his responses's there and below are snip-its of that conversation.
Maybe some of this will be helpful to others.
Later that night she texted me and said she was an idiot. To be honest, even though it was a messed up situation, I didn't feel like she did anything wrong. But she kept apologizing too me over it and I kept telling her it was fine and not to worry about it. We ended up hanging out again and she made it up to me. This was only possible though cause I didn't care.
Ask yourself why she kept apologising....
There is a damn good reason why and it has little to do with you…
My initial question and response:
I've been digesting this and am curious to why she kept apologizing.
I have a one or two thoughts.
1) She wanted to get a reaction from him, but I don't see how apologizing would do that.
2) She apologized and wanted his acceptance to clear her consciousness for her wrong doing (if one was even present for her)
3) She was trying to force her frame onto him and make him CARE for her. (THIS one sounds right).
Any thoughts?
After some trial and error I came up with:
she kept apologizing, because she realized (he) was the best option.
Peregrinus responded with:
Getting warmer
Some more trial in error and I thought of things like:
Was she trying to "ball steal"?
She apologized, because she liked the emotions/feelings she was getting from apologizing and chasing StephenP.
Then a breakthrough:
I go to the front part of the bar (a separate room) and order a beer and chat with the bartender that I am acquaintances with, when the girl and this guy walk past me and leave the bar together. Chatting with the bartender I only happened to notice once they were past me with their back to me walking out the door.
Did she possibly do what she did at the bar to groom and "break" StephenP (a crazy manipulation game she thought would make StephenP want her and chase her, losing his power)
A hell of a lot warmer
Now, why did she apologise so much afterwards?
Then some more:
She apologized so much, because she was trying to fix her mistake
Now what was her mistake?
She apologized so much, because she was trying to fix her mistake without any repercussion?
After further deliberation and knowledge dropping peregrinus wrote:
She realised she messed up.
It was her..
She lost him..
She also realised what he was, too late..
.
She lost her self in the presence of a MAN.
Showed her spoiled little girl attitude.
Pushed the envelope too far and got burned.
Peregrinus quoted an earlier comment from another thread to bring it all into perspective.
Here's the link to that thread:
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 581#p19581
They had to see I would walk away and not put up with it. Until I showed them that, they did not fully believe I would. Until they saw that, it was merely a thought, a question, rather than hard facts and reality. The ironic thing was, by the time I had, it was too late for them (in their mind), then they backpedal as they realise that I am what they thought I was and go 'oh shit!'.
At some point they have to touch the stove and feel that heat, otherwise they will never believe it is hot. They may think they do, they do not. Only once they have felt that heat do they truly know it is hot and will burn them.
Only then will they treat the stove with the respect and caution that it deserves, for the effect they now know it can have if handled incorrectly.
Until they have seen you walk and the way you walk, they never truly believe you will. Once you have and they have seen that, they know it. The way you walk is as important in my mind as walking.
The ironic thing is, once they have pushed you that far and you have walked, although they are now sure of who you are and that you will do it and have healthy boundaries, they have also put themselves out of the game - why would you want to walk back when they have shown a lack of respect for your boundaries and a lack of awareness of them.
This I especially liked.
why would you want to walk back when they have shown a lack of respect for your boundaries and a lack of awareness of them.
I had one further question:
This all brought up a question for me.
Why would a women test a man, when he shows solid congruent actions? (Especially a test as intense as what happened to StephenP)
In the case with StephenP, she only ruined her chances...greatly!
StephenP did mention she was intoxicated, yet alcohol does bring out deeper things at times.
I think it was a sign of a female used to getting her way all the time with guys and then uneasy with a non-manipulative MAN in her presence...aka she was being a spoiled girl.
Right... You seem to see it now..
It would have worked with a proportion of the male population.
However, with someone being true to himself it would not.