Man, I go away for a few hours, and the thread blows up.
Great insights PMT. I'm sure you're already doing it, but definitely come back an re-read this thread several times. You will continue to find useful things in analyzing what you yourself wrote, as well as what others have said.
Indeed, there is no cage and there is no friend zone.
Excellent - you're seeing it. When you limit yourself in some way, you put imaginary bars around yourself, but they are purely in your imagination and don't really exist. That includes the vow, but also even the idea of a 'friendzone'. Can you show me the friendzone? Is it a box painted on the ground that you are forced at gunpoint to stand in? Or does it exist only in your mind...
Hence try putting people in the friendzone (righteously / honestly, not as a tactic), to see some women try to get out of it somehow (think Patrice O'Neal and his gf 'You're so pathetic and in need of a true friend, that I'm willing to be a friend for you to teach you life" then she proceded to seduce him) (paraphrased)
Nice GB. You summed it up well. Only thing I can add to it is that you don't put your label on them - you don't go tell them "you are in the friendzone." You just act as you are going to act (ie. in a friendly but non-romantic way), and you let them put whatever label they want on it. It can be helpful to do what Patrice did in explicitly telling his gf that she is pathetic and in need of a true friend, but you have to act appropriately first. Words must be congruent with actions. Not the other way around.
Coz she surely have friendshiped you to see how you reacted and see if you were congruent.
She called your bluff, and you folded.
1. To jump her bones quickly would not have been congruent with my character
"Congruent with your character" - can you show me your character, or is that a concept that only exists in your mind, just like the friendzone? Another box you put yourself inside?
Trying to be something (or of a certain character) is not being it. I can tell you I'm on hunger strike until so and so does such and such, but if I'm stuffing my face with potato chips while I tell you I'm on hunger strike, my words aren't going to mean very much. Actions speak louder than words. Your behavior is what is really going on and is plain for all to see - 'character' is imaginary.
The tree metaphor makes perfect sense, now that I think on it. Fruit and leaves grow and wither, birds come and go, but the tree remains in place, accepting rain, snow or shine. It seeks not but to stand tall and grow.
The tree metaphor is probably my favorite metaphor. It is such a perfect way to describe it.
To be honest, I was pretty disappointed before. However, now I'm actually almost glad that this didn't work out because I've learned so much from it.
Excellent!
She's offered friendship and you can make use of that like girls usually do to guys. Take out all of your issues and emotions with her, let her be your emotional tampon, talk about all the stuff that you haven't told anyone else. One or both of you should be bawling in tears at the end of it. Start with your abandonment issues and end with whatever hangups you got about sex.
And what would be the benefit of doing this?