I recently finished a 90 day challenge inspired by this (thanks AlexJ and Pere):
viewtopic.php?f=19&t=2906
It was a mental boot camp of sorts.
Difficult, depressing, energetic, powerful, sad, lonely, and...a list of other emotions.
But, when all the distractions are gone, the 'problems' have nowhere to hide.
Things I took away:
a) There are vibes people unconsciously pick up on; my libido was on high gear and had a lot of energy…certain women could sense it.
b) I don’t need a women or anyone for that matter in a life.
c) Sex is
pleasurable, not a means to boost my esteem or ego anymore.
It was a great ride and journey, those three months. My last night, spent it with myself of course. It was pleasant.
Then…I saw a girl.
She's younger than me, but down to earth. Met her on a bus, in which she initiated the conversation.
Fast forward and for the first time before sex or anything I laid the framework of the relationship out to her.
I found out what she was looking for, boyfriend.
Rather then bs my way, "maybe down the line it could happen", I snipped it in the bud quickly.
Her: What're you looking for:
Dude: Non-exclusive dating, nothing serious you know.
Her: Oh, ok.
Dude:
She didn't dig it at first.
Guess what though it didn't bug me.
She could go or stay.
Guess what happened.
She stayed, and wanted me even more.
While hanging out though she was trying to get us to be more with her actions and content. I'm impressed by what I picked up from here. I could read past her words, and really read her messages, and why she was doing what she was doing.
She consciously was trying to put herself in my life more.
I was surprised. I was dodging her blows in slow-mo; Matrix style.
If I didn't read and reread all the stuff here, I would've got played into a situation I didn't want.
She threw a list of emotions at me, but nothing stuck.
I told her specifically I was not looking for a girlfriend, and on our second meeting she get's all deep and emotional with me.
If I didn't have my foundation straight I would've felt a range of emotions and probably felt it my OBLIGATION to help this girl.
"Oh shes a girl, she needs help. I need to help her, or I'm not a good guy," type of deal.
I also seeked out to know her sexual health. She get's tested and SAID she was NOT sleeping with anyone else.
My gut grew suspicious. Things did not add up.
A little nervous and not fully confident, I disregarded my gut feeling.
We went on and hooked up.
It came up later somehow, she was talking about the other guy who she was seeing as potential bf.
I asked her if she slept with him, she paused, yes.
I was
.
Not of jealousy or envy. Out of her putting my health at risk.
I told her what was on my mind, and it wasn't cool.
I let her know if she ever was dishonest with me again it was over.
We'll see what happens.
She did what guys usually do though, lie to get some ass.
Felt good and eased the anger.
Said she didn't know how to say it, and she never really had an open relationship before.
Moral of the story: LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.
_________________________________________________________________________
NOW...the very interesting part for me.
People come into your life at times for a reason...
You guys will help one another out in a way if your in tune with it
Or, it could be a parasitic relationship. Who knows.
Her journey resembles mine. Not the content exactly, but the journey itself.
When I made the observation of our resemblance I laughed at how funny life can be.
And, I could have EASILY missed this observation if I wasn't aware.
It's strange, when I listen to her talk sometimes, when she's emotional and where's the victim mask, I see myself, sort of, from not too long ago.
Trippy. Gave me a chill when I first realized it.
Little background on this girl for the stories sake
She's got emotional issues and hangups
Stuck on the past; victim mentality
Wants guidance, wants to be happy
Facing her demons
She moved out recently. Lonely. Sad. Doing bad with school and confused in life.
I felt the same thing, a little different, but same shit really.
I could see my journey in her.
Where she is now, is similar to where I was back then.
We came into each others life and we could help each other in ways we may not even know or understand yet.
She said she needs some guidance, so I'm down to give some.
I'm going to calculate my guidance, and not rope myself and set myself up for this girl getting attached to me.
Always breaking the illusion that she may need me.
My reason's for wanting to guide her:
a) When she unleashed her victim stories on me. I could see through all of them, mostly, and identify the core issues. (Also reminded of me and how much I held onto the past)
b) Journey's are alike.
c) It will be fulfilling to see her grow if she does take the guidance (i wanted to be a therapist early in life)
d) In guiding her I may or may not learn some things myself.
And on and on it went, with the 'teacher' and 'student' roles switching constantly
This reminded me of :
The teacher is the one who gets the most out of the lessons, and the true teacher is the learner
--
The moment a teacher stops learning from the students they are lost.
Hence all teachers are students and all students are teachers....
In an ideal world.
What she really want(s), besides my dick
, is either someone to listen to her stories or some actual guidance.
Either a good friendship will form, or it won't.
I'm curious to know if others have ever had any such experience with such a thing, such a girl, or both.
I''ll see where it goes.