Ahk, your doing it again. You really should stop assuming.
In the space of a conversation she went from all that to silence and withdrawal and then not caring if other girls hit on you, not even saying goodbye.
I never said she didn't care when the other girls were hitting on me. In fact I think it bothered her immensely. I think thats why she left actually - she didn't want to watch it, but she didn't feel like she could do anything to stop it. It doesn't help her that she's pretty introverted and not super comfortable at parties to begin with.
I think she definitely not the kind of girl you're thinking of. I don't really know what kind of girl you imagine her to be, but from your posts I'm pretty sure you are not imagining her correctly. She's doesn't have model looks (she's cute but not that hot). She's not a party/club girl. She hasn't always been in high demand. She has a lot of demand more because of demographics and the particular hobby/sport she does (and me and all my friends do). Its a male-dominated hobby/sport. She's very very good at it - top 1% of women and better than most of the guys around here, and she's cute, so therefore she's in demand. But in high school/college she wasn't in much demand because demographics and activities weren't on her side, so in many ways she's not used to the abundance of men available to her. She's got plenty of insecurities. She still is uncomfortable and embarrassed about her own body, even though clearly there are many guys who think she's cute.
The framework I'm coming from is 'Women outhink men and run circles around them' and 'Everything out of her mouth is a test'. The framework you and most others (even here) seem to have is 'women are inferior, illogical creatures who like drama and dont know what's good for them'
The way I see it, there are a small percentage of women who actually do out think normal men and run circles around them. However I think 90% of women don't consciously out think men. They just out-act them. They don't consciously think "hmm... I need to test this guy - what test should I throw at him now?" Rather they just act based on what feels right, which is mostly trained into them by watching their mothers do the same to their fathers, by TV and movies, by culture in general.
Now just because 90% of women don't out think men, doesn't mean that the reverse is true. I don't think that 90% of men out think women. Rather I think that 90% of women and 95% of men don't think much about their romantic relationships in general. They just do whatever they were programmed to do, and therefore neither of them can really be described as "out thinking" the other.
The actions of a hot girl shutting up and withdrawing dont seem congruent with a woman having an inflated ego either. Wouldn't an egotistical woman be more likely to make a scene and grandiose statements of her worth/value?
I actually don't think her ego is particularly inflated. Like I said, she's got plenty of insecurities, and she doesn't think she's that attractive, or that her shit don't stink, etc. I think the way she thinks about her past year or two is that she's had plenty to needy insecure chumps who want to date her, but very few real men who she's actually attracted to. In fact, I know the one guy she actually really wanted to date in the two years before I came along turned her down because of his religion. The rest of the guys she's dated have been guys she hasn't actually been that attracted to, hence the easy to dump them, because she was never really into them.
So it all feels very incongruent to me.
This was the part of your post that I agreed with the most. If things feel incongruent to you, maybe you should check your beliefs. Maybe they're not matching up to reality. Oh, and maybe you should check your assumptions too. Maybe you don't know what you don't know.
For me it has nothing to do with inferiority or stupidity but rather a totally different perspective. It often SEEMS to make 'no sense' to a guy why a woman would seem to get so emotional about something, that it is just random, pointless, unintelligent etc. From the standpoint of nature a lot of it does make a type of 'sense' to me - but not in a point where I would ever assume I could relate, be able to control it, that it is all based on me etc. These two very different views of the world and priorities in life for me means certain elements of what we call 'drama' will be inevitable over the course of a long term relationship where lives start to come together.
Good points. Think about humans thousands of years ago - many babies never made it to adulthood. From the standpoint of nature, whatever her mom did behaviorally seemed to work pretty well because clearly she made it to adulthood. Therefore, as long as she just does whatever her mom did, she probably has a better chance than average to have her own kids make it to adulthood. Also, she can watch other women in her "tribe" (ie. culture) who are successful to see if she can learn from them and add it in to what she's picked up from mom.
The fact that a girl tests a guy doesn't mean that she has a conceptual, logical understanding of what she's doing, or even what a test is. She may just be doing it because it feels like the right thing to do at that time.
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She texted me around noon yesterday (actually while I was writing up the original post in the thread, but I didn't check my phone until 5pm). Here's what went down:
Noon:
Her: Sorry I didn't say bye last night. Hope you enjoyed the rest of the night.
5pm:
Me: Yeah, had a good time. You did leave pretty abruptly. You still unhappy, or are you done with that now?
Her: I'm over it
Me: Cool. blah blah blah talking about some other things.
Did she come to her senses because she saw those other girls hitting on me? Maybe. Was it a conscious "oh no, he's got other options so I should really re-consider whether what I'm doing is a good idea or not." Probably not, but who knows?. She's heading out of town for a few days, so we'll see how this all goes down when she gets back.
what percentage of it is spontaneous emotional response and how much of that is incredibly cunning, calculated, smarter than we assume with clear agenda (or both?) I wouldn't assume to guess!
This. ^^