Welcome, and I truly wish you all the best in your journey, and that you take the time to savour each step you make, even the painful ones.
I'd also welcome some general advice. If anyone was in a similar situation, what was the turning point? What actions did you take?
Three things:
1) In your post you were brutally honest with yourself. In my opinion that's already a damn good fucking start. Props for that. You've already taken the first step, and may not even have realised it yet. Provided that you haven't omitted anything crucial, you may have given yourself the blueprint for where you need to work on.
2) Read read read. Whatever your blocks are, there is a wealth of information on this forum. I have read countless books on spirituality, and a few on self-help, and there are very few things in those books that I have not found on this site, and they are gone into more in-depth here as well. There are also things in here that I have never come across outside of this site, that are invaluable. But it's a LOT of reading to do. The sooner you get started yadda yadda yadda........
3) Therefore there's nothing for me to advise you on. Still
, I can't resist pointing out how Kidd!! & Grinus' advice to be your own best friend and to do what you like by yourself has pretty much changed my life. For me it started with going to the movies alone (for my experience with this, see
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 054#p29926). The point is that practicing being your own best friend isn't dependent on going out to clubs (I don't really like 'em either) - or any of the usual stuff that "everyone" does socially. Don't do movies either? No prob - what do YOU like to do that involves leaving the house? Don't say that "there's nothing". That just means you haven't done it. Anything you like to do at home, there's bound to be an activity OUTSIDE that deepens the experience. Me, I am not an art fanatic or anything, but I like to buy books on art and while at home I enjoy looking at the works contained therein. But then I realised - hey! there are art galleries around here. Why not go to one and look around? ALONE? Also, like you, I have always genuinely enjoyed spending my time alone. Surprising how, despite this, you're still clingy, isn't it? Same goes for me. I found out why this is the case, and I postsed about it. As you explore this site, you'll either find my post on this, or someone else's similar experience.........
When all is said and done, find your own way. There's plenty of shit in here to read, and if you have any questions, Kidd!! and Grinus are excellent guides. [Watch out for that fucker Flow83 as well - he's blown my mind on more than one occasion as well.
]
Enjoy the ride. Welcome.