Natural Freedom

Hey, I'm basically writing this as a way of organizing my thoughts. If you think it's incoherent and out of place, well... That's a you-problem .

I met this cute girl at the end of November last year. I first met her in the line for a club where me, my friend, she and her girl friend were the only ones waiting. I basically was in a very good mood so after saying hello I picked her up and spun her around for a bit (she liked it). Anyways, after entering the club, I left her alone and me and my friend went to the dance floor and starting busting some moves . After a while, I realize that she's next to us on the dance floor and, long story short, I got her number. She was a bit hesitant, since she had a boyfriend but she gave me her number anyway.

A few weeks later I hear from her, so I invite her over to my place for some wine. She's still with her boyfriend, but tells me she'll get back to me in a few days when she has decided what she wants (she was in the process of breaking up with her long distance boyfriend). Anyways, she gets back to me and tells me she's wants to hook up.

She gets to my place and soon we're conversing without clothes .

She left for her home town during christmas, but she messaged me the day she got back and another encounter took place with more or less the same outcome (that was a week ago).

I called her yesterday, but she didn't answer. An hour later she calls me back and I told her that I was just going to ask her if she wanted company, since I was in town anyway. Then I ask her when I'm going to get to see her place. She is a bit hesitant and says that she's very busy this weekend. Maybe next week. I say OK and tell her I gotta run since I was about to cook some food.

My plan for now is to avoid initiating contact with her. I very easily get attached to these girls. Part of my gut tells me I should go out and be open to meeting a new girl. Part of me just wants to cuddle up with this girl (which I like, but don't really know so well) and be all lovey-dovey.

Can you relate to this dilemma of wanting to put all your chips in one stack and go for ONE girl, when you also know, with some part of your mind (the part that's been influenced by visiting forums such as this one), that this move would make you seem desperate, and what would probably be the more strategic play, from a completely detached perspective, is to socialize with some other chicks...? Does anything in my story strike you as something you wouldn't do, and perhaps going against the philosophy of indifference?

I guess I should confront the fact that:
a) I made it pretty clear that I want to see her again
b) She didn't seem as interested as me (could be my imagination, some other unknown factor [she could be having her period for instance]). Could also be that she just got out of a 3 year relationship and wants to keep her options open for a while

Id est: I should probably go out, have fun, be open to any possibilities and see if she calls me next week.

Of course, any feedback is welcome !

What a motivating way to convey us to answer
Yep <- Face of a man who wants a committed relationship ...
*Listen to your guuuuuutttttt, when it's calling for you*
^ You instinctively know pursuing equals desperation ... and you instinctively DO NOT do it.
WHY ?
If you socialize just for the strategic play, that's not detached.
On the other hand, someone who doesn't socialise is a recluse.
Yep, pursuing girls who're not sure what they want (or if they don't seem to want you) ->

Also, at your age, you should focus on observing all the women chasing you
THIS AND THIS

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"You can tell a lot about a person by how they react when someone dies." - Charlie Kirk

I concur with GoldenBallz...good job.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Yeah, I know what you mean.. I used to get like that and it failed every time. Getting the "she's the one" type of mindset thinking they'd feel it, but they can always smell it and always get turned off. Just how it is.

I can still get like that at times when I meet a cool female, but I quickly catch myself and check my emotions.

Just direct your attention elsewhere and with other women and she will stay around.

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And what is fear of need but need itself?

Your community I see lol, all good.

The base drives behind what your feeling about wanting to put all your eggs in one basket and it being a case of " oneitis" is feeling a sense of lack. Having multiple options won't save you from being dependent on others for happiness.

You would be far better served to make peace with yourself. That way if there is only one girl and she wants to bounce or whatever you won't be attached regardless of how many other options you have.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Thanks for the thoughtful responses! I'll lay back on this one and come back with new developments, if any.
My community? I don't follow...

Macaco slow your speed.
Reread ALL of this thread again; carefully.
GoldenBoy and Morpheus gave you enough knowledge to take you deeper into YOURSELF than any pussy could ever do.
Go apply it.
And that doesn't necessarily mean going out to a club.
What do most people fear...Loneliness.
Go be alone.
+1
a.k.a Chumps Dooms Day
+1
++1

So the girl just messaged me on Facebook, telling me that she "didn't want to continue seeing me the way we have been seing each other" and that it was "too soon, since she just broke up". My interpretation is that she met somebody else she wants to fuck, and she got the (probably correct) impression that I was looking for something serious and committed. And since she's a nice girl she wants to call it quits with me so she can see other boys with a clear conscience. I'm disappointed.

So I guess it's time for more push ups...

I've been feeling a lot of anger lately, and also a lot of bitterness to women and people in general. I think I see a pattern where I'm having these "negative" feelings when I'm not getting what I want with women (or the ONE WOMAN I'M USUALLY PURSUING AT THE MOMENT -- my usual modus operandi ). Of course, I try and act cool and tell myself that I'm giving her space etc, but fact is I too easily "fall" for a girl. I don't know why I do this.

Yesterday I almost got into a fight with some idiot in a club. I was having a good time dancing and suddenly this guy takes my hat and tries to pretend like nothing. So I get in front of him and he immediately hands me my hat and starts making fidgety excuses (I guess he thought I wouldn't see him take it). So I bully him back in front of his friends and pull his hood over his head and shove him away while telling him not to do the same thing again. I'm fucking 33 years old and have to deal with childish shit like this!? Seriously, I'm worried I'm going to hurt some idiot one of these days. Interestingly enough, most idiots seem to be real afraid when they see that I'm not the least bit scared of them.

Also, I'm dark skinned (my father has mixed origin and my mother is Swedish) and I look a bit different from most people. I guess this makes me stand out a bit and some people want to pick on me because of that.

This anger I'm having is not only negative. I think it gives me alot of clarity and have been acting very up-front in a lot of situations lately. It's like I more often than not have a witty come-back when someone says something and I instinctively know what people are "about". Of course, I could be going crazy and be imagining most of this, but this feeling of aggressive clarity is something I feel I could use for good purposes.

It's a razor's edge though, since I sometimes get too fucking angry and bitter and just start being rude to people. Especially when drinking.
Easier said than done!? I don't know how to make peace with my self. I'm not about to become some isolated monk that is totally happy with everything for no reason. I want to fuck girls and I want girls to want to fuck me.
This is interesting. But I'm not sure I agree. Are you saying it's wrong to want to have a specific outcome in mind when you do something? Do you mean it's not "real" if you're avoiding seeking eye contact with girls that know they're attractive just to get them to be curious about you? I've been "experimenting" a bit lately with behaviours such as these, to try and see if I get different results. Be aware that I'm not afraid to look into a girl's eyes, but it's fun to see how people treat you differently just because of small changes like this. I've also experimented a bit lately with speaking openly about my "hate for women".

Part of this hate is "fake", since in fact one of my problems is that I love women too much and idealize them in my mind to be something greater that they are. But part of the hate is real and I guess in reality it's directed more at myself for believing in shit I just made up, instead of observing reality and drawing conclusions from that.

Now I gotta go to the gym and get in a better mood. I hope I made some sense with this post, but writing down how I think is something I do mainly for my own reasons. It's therapeutical. Input is very welcome .
Don't talk down to me, biatch

Way to go to base your emotions on things you can't control
This is something to look into.
I'm sure some may expand to romanesque length (flow ? roark ? ), but you have to ask yourself what feeling / sensation are you running after in doing so ? See below
Yes you know how to make peace with yourself.

You seem to associate making peace with yourself as having nothing going on in your life and living like a monk ... Interesting, ain't it ? But true ? Everytime ?

Do you prefer to pursue 1000 girls into fucking you, or living your life the way you want it <- making peace with yourself, being your best friend ..., and fucking 10 or 50 or + or - girls IF YOU WANT, not because it will make good stories to bros, not to use them as cum-dumpsters, not to kill time, not to prove ..., but JUST because it went that road anyways ?
If you choose the first one, please check PUA books on any other forums
I haven't put any emotions in my statement.
No right or wrong, just words.
If you don't socialise, by definition you are a recluse.
The fact you put a negative connotation on this term has nothing to do with me.
Tell me what's wrong with being a recluse ?
Now, do I ask you to be one ? What's good about being one ?

Surely you know if you're more naturally introvert or extrovert, the qualities and drawbacks each one encompasses.

On the 'detached' part, it is equally without connotation.
If you do something WITH a particular outcome in mind, you're not detached to the outcome.

You are nonetheless free to choose the outcome you want.
In example : you look into bitch's eyes NOT so that she miraculessly falls for you (otherwise if she doesn't you'll feel as though 'you lost', 'you're shit', 'she rejected you' ...), but TO SEE how she reacts, AN OUTCOME THAT IS ALWAYS 'POSITIVE' (feedback - experience).
That's my definition of outcome detachment, doing things (IF YOU WANT !!) in the name of science, to see how the situation evolves.

Side note on your last phrase : Go to a bar and honestly talk shit to women ('I hate bitches', ...), some will fuck you that night if you want it (Black Phillip Show speaking, not personal experience, but I trust them enough )

Check the three mighty books to change this ... (2 Vilar books + Chinweizu is the cure for pedestaling women )

The foolish reject what they see and not what they think; the wise reject what they think and not what they see. Huangbo
What is a bad mood ?
Is a bad mood bad if you recognize why it is bad

This came out longer than I expected ...

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"You can tell a lot about a person by how they react when someone dies." - Charlie Kirk

^^^ THIS! (emphasis mine). This is a great way of putting it. Thanks, GB. To me, both have equal value, but either can be a problem at either end of the scale.

Me, i'm an introvert, always have been, not only made peace with it, but learned that it was also an attractive quality. Still had to learn how to interact with people, however. (University followed by working in various different fields taught me how to do that.) Every introvert should learn to do this. Even if your main focus is the spiritual path, personal interactions are the only way to experience & apply what you have learned through introversion & introspection. Otherwise all the spiritual stuff is just theory.

On the other hand, extroversion is cool too. Like introversion, extroversion is attractive in and of itself as well. But if you come to rely purely on social interactions for your self-esteem, then the high points WILL bring happiness, but the low points (no one wants to hang with you this weekend, etc.) will bring suffering with it. Bear in mind that these low points are inevitable, and so is the sadness that comes with them. However, the amount of SUFFERING that comes with (and actually prolongs & amplifies) the sadness, specifically the feelings of inferiority, unattractiveness, etc. are a result of not developing the kind of self-knowledge and self-reliance that is promoted heavily on this site.

Therefore, just as it is healthy for an introvert (like me) to go outside and interact with people, it is correspondingly healthy for an extrovert to go inside and introspect.

It's like the yin-yang symbol ('Grinus uses one as his avatar) - the black section contains a small element of white, and the white section contains a small element of black.

In both cases, it is only a problem if you make it into one, or if you are one at the total exclusion of the other, or if you make it into an identity (eg roark thinks he's the coolest guy on the planet because he's so introverted and loves his own company. Well actually I am but that doesn't make me better than anyone else )

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

........rorriM

Just fuckin' with ya...

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

Also: Just offering some incentive: the path that the guys tout around here will help you to see through & deal with assclowns like this without you having to stress yourself, hurt anybody, or even lift a finger. People used to fuck with me like this A LOT; Now if they do, it's easy for me to give them SPACE (that goddamned word again!) to make an ass of themselves, and come out smelling like a rose. Actually, I don't even have to anymore; the more I get to know myself, get centred, and create space within myself, the more invisible I seem to become to assholes like this. Funny how that works.......

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

Clarification: when I spoke about introversion above, I now realise I was probably projecting, since no one was making this out to be an issue anyway......Still, what I wrote could be of value or use to someone.

That's why I like posting - the shit I write tells me a lot about myself; that's also macaco's reason for starting this thread in the first place, I believe.

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

Incredibly accurate

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Oh yeah. I actually periodically review my posts and am regularily appalled at the ego and projecting I can find in them. Then I remind myself of what is becoming almost a mantra with me:

"Oh shit! Ah well, fuck it. At least I can see it."

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

Yes, and seeing it is what makes it interesting for us ...
People completely seem to ignore mirrors and projections.
I first reviewed all my posts last month, it was very interesting indeed, will do it more regularly ...
It's a beautiful combination with reading this forum / 'your' posts, the double-edged sword if I may.

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"You can tell a lot about a person by how they react when someone dies." - Charlie Kirk