Create,
I'm so glad I posted that quick reply, because this is REALLY good stuff.
As I was reading your question, this is what I was thinking and then you wrote this:
"That's the night when I realized what hopeless desperation was and that I'd been doing what she was doing that night, for years..."
The REASON you found the less grounded woman more attractive was because you were resonating at the same frequency. Everything is energy and communication is more than 90% non verbal. She was literally more your frequency. And because you are open and seeking answers about yourself as a man you were able to get the incredible gift that is always present in others as a mirror. You were able to see that part of you as reflected in her. When we are ready, we can see what we need to see about ourselves in others. This is really wonderful to me. And as you heal and grow, you'll find yourself no longer attracted to the same kind of woman that you used to be.
To answer your question about if you could have helped her, it really depends on whether she, too, was seeking, or stuck in the external persona. I recently had a powerful revelation about how we connect with others on the soul or persona level. the more we work on ourselves, the more aligned our soul and persona become, so there is less of a schism. People who tend to have this alignment are more those who are examining themselves and seeking to grow. It sounded like she is trapped in her persona, so you could have tried to tell her how you felt about her being attractive and having nothing to worry about, but it may not have found an opening. She may not be ready to receive that as truth. But my philosophy is to ALWAYS try, and to share it with love. No matter what, you received a gift, and perhaps, somewhere down the road, she would remember your words and maybe something would shift.
I'll give you a simple example of how I try to encourage men in their true masculine.
I was at the gym the other day and we have a cafe there. I was standing at the counter to order, but there was no one behind the counter, and no one was coming. There was one guy sitting at the counter eating, and he saw me looking for someone to help me. I made some efforts to see if someone would come out, by calling out. After standing there too long and no one coming, he actually got up, went to find the guy and brought him there. What I saw in his effort was beautiful to me. Most men would have sat there and just kept on eating. He sensed, in a masculine way, that a woman needed assistance. Silly as it may sound, there was an energy to this moment that was very powerful to me. So he got up and DID something to help me. So when I was leaving, I didn't want that moment to go without acknowledgment, so I walked up to him and I told him how nice it was for him to have gotten up to assist me and that I appreciated it, and that it was something that many men would not have done and that as a woman it was really nice to experience that. I could FEEL how that elevated him to be acknowledged for something so simple. And I know as I walked away, it had done something to him in how he felt as a man.
So next time, yes, it can't hurt. And keep on seeing you in everyone you meet. The reflections you see will blow you away at times.
love & blessings,
gina