Yep...that's why you're here.
You can't change the past...so stop soaking in it. Do what NEEDS to be done...the answers are all over the damn place in here.
Just enjoy the part about chilling with the bitch and start thinking that you're cool with not getting anything extra.
When you get to that point you'll see what I mean.
It's great re-reading old threads. It's interesting in this case, the OP, to see how I 'thought' I wanted help to change, but my main intent was to be 'heard' and tell my 'story'. Kidd & Slim both pointed me to the direction, but I ignored it. Quite comical. When you're ready you're ready. Growth of oneself is pretty to watch.