Natural Freedom

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:24 pm 
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You're right.. But most pissed I'm at the fact that some guys don't have to do ANYTHING. That's get me demotivated the most


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:04 pm 
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The more they have going for themselves, the less work they HAVE to do. Plus, you're not privy to the behind the scenes action...meaning you don't know what they did or had to go thru to get to that point. :ugeek:

If you ever saw me in motion, you would think I just had it like this since birth...and that couldn't be after from the truth. :geek:

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:15 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
The more they have going for themselves, the less work they HAVE to do. Plus, you're not privy to the behind the scenes action...meaning you don't know what they did or had to go thru to get to that point. :ugeek:

If you ever saw me in motion, you would think I just had it like this since birth...and that couldn't be after from the truth. :geek:
I very much asked the same question, is it worth enduring all the momentary pain and the deeper analisis of things, why? to which place I want to land?... Then I remembered this place is called Freedom.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:15 pm 
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I'll write my 2 sents :

@Dali : Freedom is your default state ... You can't land on it ... You just have to remove the bullshit you (and society ...) put on it ... you go round and round searching for it, just stop and you'll be free ...

If you mean being financially, materially secure, then forget what I said, otherwise stop looking for this.

@fufe : I think you just have to find something you enjoy doing, you should NEVER work imo (meaning doing things you dislike just for an amount of money - But maybe I'm in a 'spoiled/rich' position, so ...).

If you like what you are, then there is no conflict ...

There is no needyness if you don't create it in some way.

When they say to work on yourself, be sure of what they mean when they say this ...

The key (and Kidd said it, and everyone says it) is to find what YOU LIKE, and TO TURN IT into loot (to use the same term) and FIRST cover your needs, then your wants (if you have some)

You maybe have to differentiate on which scale you 'better yourself' :
- Society ? (being rich, famous, successful, a good slave)
- Yourself ? (understanding why you do what you do, what you want out of life, how to have it ...)

And comparing yourself to those you think have it easy is no good. So is comparing yourself to those who have nothing. IF you want to compare, do it only with what 'you' were last year, last month ... and take actions if you do not like what you see ...

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:53 pm 
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GoldenBoy wrote:
And comparing yourself to those you think have it easy is no good. So is comparing yourself to those who have nothing.
I just had a deja vu: I know that your life is not easy at the moment fufe,
but over 10 years ago I was in India and saw people who had nothing. In India you often see people dying on the street and no one gives a dam. Also with the cast system an Indian guy who was born poor will most probably stay poor for the rest of his life.

Also in Thailand: 16-17 year old girls who their families send to become hookers because they family has no money to support itself.

I know you may not have much money but if you had seen what I saw- you would be happy you are not in their situation. Some guys have it easier but on the other end of the spectrum some people have it much much harder....

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:31 pm 
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when I'm beggining to draw, I know that it's a way to escape from my problems, so I don't draw anything because I don't want to run. Is that bad ?

I forgot to add that I feel guilt for not doing anything because I can't find anything that I like doing apart from gaming


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:50 pm 
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I've been addicted to women basically since I can remember.. Realising how bad it is, I'm blaming myself, feel guilty.. I'm going insane, If I'm not already. No matter how much I think I can't come to think of a way to change it, since I'm thinking about it almost all the time..


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:09 pm 
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fufe wrote:
I've been addicted to women basically since I can remember..
what do you mean by this^^
addicted to female attention?
to sex?
to what exactly?

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:16 pm 
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Sniper wrote:
fufe wrote:
I've been addicted to women basically since I can remember..
what do you mean by this^^
addicted to female attention?
to sex?
to what exactly?
I always wanted to spend time with a girl I could talk to, with similar values like I have.. well pretty much everything you don't do with your male friends :lol: sex too is cool but that never was the main reason.. The problem is that when I'm with a girl I like I feel good, it feels right.. feels like something I should be doing


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:29 pm 
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fufe wrote:
it feels right.. feels like something I should be doing
if it feels right and something you should be doing then why is this driving you crazy?
(don't answer, you already know...)

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:31 pm 
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Because I don't have it ATM.. Pretty simple

Practically untill I found PUA and this forum, I felt I'm doing the right thing.. I read that what I'm feeling is bad, so I believed it, because the pros were saying it.
Now I understand that I was basically programmed like that since I was little, thanks to my household.. I'm trying to decide whether I really should reprogram myself or I don't have to.
My main fear has been the thing that there will be little women who would be attracted to man like me - not symp but more feminime in nature


Last edited by fufe on Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:24 pm 
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Oh fufe relax...there are PLENTY of masculine-ish women out there...just look for tomboys. ;)

You should probably date softball chicks. :mrgreen:

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:35 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Oh fufe relax...there are PLENTY of masculine-ish women out there...just look for tomboys. ;)

You should probably date softball chicks. :mrgreen:
So for copping, we're playing the female role. How can I miss this!!??
How green am I!

:oops: :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 11:16 pm 
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Dali wrote:
So for copping, we're playing the female role. How can I miss this!!??
Because it was right in front of your eyes, it was sitting there in plain sight, it was too obvious.

Reminds me of the expression: Cannot see the wood for the trees.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 12:12 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Oh fufe relax...there are PLENTY of masculine-ish women out there...just look for tomboys. ;)

You should probably date softball chicks. :mrgreen:
I always had a thing for martial art girls.. :mrgreen:

Nothing really changed lately.. My asthma got worse, but my doctor told my it's me not believing in the medicine, so the thing that I can't really breathe is my own fault. And my friend got hospitalised suddenly, so yeah.. You ask yourself if it can go worse and it does..
It's frustrating, I thought I have power over my life but it seems I don't.. It would be tolerable but my health is not, how could I work when I can't really breath..


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 09, 2022 5:45 pm 
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peregrinus wrote: *
Because it was right in front of your eyes, it was sitting there in plain sight, it was too obvious.

Reminds me of the expression: Cannot see the wood for the trees.
A good therapy relationship is more than warm feelings
Quote:
Our earliest attachments provide the templates for our subsequent relationships. As a result, we repeat relationship patterns throughout our lives. Because they are present from the beginning, these patterns can be as invisible to us as water to a fish.

Caroline, a woman in her late 30s, is elegant, educated, and successful. She carries herself with a regal bearing and looks and dresses like a Vogue model. She is pursued by the kind of men most women only fantasize about. Yet she is lonely. She has been unable to keep an intimate relationship and she suffers from bouts of depression.

Caroline has attempted therapy several times. She says, unhappily, that it has never changed anything, and the therapists always end up wanting her approval.

Colleagues trained in CBT and other “evidence-based” therapies rarely attach much significance to Caroline’s comment about her past therapy relationships. Some venture Caroline may need a secure therapist who won’t be intimidated by her looks or status.

It is irrelevant whether Caroline’s therapist is personally secure or insecure. She doesn’t need a secure therapist. She needs a therapist with the self-awareness and courage to notice that twinge of insecurity in Caroline’s presence, treat it as information, and use it in the service of understanding.

Such a therapist might say: “You know, you have come here for my help and yet in many of our interactions, I am aware of a vague feeling of wanting to impress you or gain your approval, which of course doesn’t help you at all. I’m trying to figure out what it means, and whether it could be a window into understanding something about what happens in other relationships. Perhaps this is something that feels familiar to you.”

And there, real therapy may begin.

Caroline could not have described what went wrong in her relationships: The things she did to try to draw others closer were the very things that precluded connection and intimacy. Women were envious or deferential. Men viewed her as a conquest or out of their league. Either way, intimate connection was impossible.

Caroline couldn’t tell her therapist this; she showed him. What the patient does in the room with the therapist reveals lifelong relationship patterns. And in the therapy relationship, these patterns can be recognized, understood, and reworked.
David Allen: The implicit pressures that shape our clients
Quote:
On the tremendous impact of attachment figures (0:25): Human beings are one of the most social organisms and we are acting like people are making decisions independently of the influence of attachment figures. Now, people can do that but the question is do they? About 80% of what we do is done automatically, on cue from the environment or subconsciously, and that behavior is shaped by our attachment figures. And the influence of attachment figures doesn't stop when you turn 5, as the analysts used to think. It goes on and on. And I found, especially dealing with severe family dysfunction and personality disorders, that I was no match. I could coach my patients on how to be assertive for instance, and they would learn it well. But then they go and try to be assertive with their families, and the next week they come back with their tails between their legs. Or they wouldn't do it at all because they were too afraid, they made lame excuses.

On double messages (9:20): For instance, let's say you're a female in your 20s and your mother is constantly on you to get married, because that's the right thing to do. "Why aren't you married girl? What's the matter? You don't wanna end up an old maid." On the other hand, she is always talking about what jerks all men are, including your father. So why would you want to get married if all men are jerks? So in order to keep mother happy, you have to find a way to meet both ends of the contradictory message. So what they might do, for example, is go out with a series of jerks. And whether or not they marry them, would be dependent on other factors like their relationship with their father, or their grandfather, or whatever. So they might marry and then divorce them. So you ask why a woman keeps marrying one alcoholic after another and leaves them, and you ask them "where do you meet them?", and they go "well, in a bar". Well, that's not an accident. Now, you are doing it subconsciously, you don't make a conscious decision to do that. You're just reacting to cues in the environment because they are familiar. You like what's familiar even if it's horribly uncomfortable. Somebody called it familiar discomfort. If we meet somebody that family doesn't have similar issues, the relationship never works out.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 09, 2022 6:26 pm 
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Bro I'm sorry to say, but I just cannot read these long texts with abstract concepts. I read two sentences and I forget what the previous 2 were about
Can you do some short summarisation ? Not everybody here is a introverted mastermind used to dwelve into deep analysis and long ass texts lol


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 09, 2022 7:50 pm 
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I read her story and think 'secondary gains preventing progress'.

That which is scarce is valued (approval in her case), therefore pursued.
I go back to xyz and maybe this time I'll get it.

"The values you live your lives by
come from the voids that were in your life
during your formative years."

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2022 11:21 am 
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I will disagree with fufe here. I'm very much liking those (and all the others on other threads) sourced texts.
I agree, though, that zogler looks like a very "thorough" person. (introverted mastermind used to dwelve into deep analysis and long ass texts) It's a good thing imo :)

fufe, try this if it's too much ;) : https://quillbot.com/summarize


At least, it shows :
zogler reads a lot / expands his knowledge / awareness.
Either search fitting threads in the forum / re-reads the forum.
Provide links with summaries / paragraphs that expand on some info, for readers to investigate more upon.

:geek: :ugeek:

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Alvin Toffler


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:05 pm 
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zogler wrote: *
Such a therapist might say: “You know, you have come here for my help and yet in many of our interactions, I am aware of a vague feeling of wanting to impress you or gain your approval, which of course doesn’t help you at all. I’m trying to figure out what it means, and whether it could be a window into understanding something about what happens in other relationships. Perhaps this is something that feels familiar to you.”

Caroline couldn’t tell her therapist this; she showed him. What the patient does in the room with the therapist reveals lifelong relationship patterns.
I am thoroughly enjoying your posts and the articles they tempt me to read :)

Really well put.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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