Natural Freedom

This has become a bit of a hot subject (mostly thanks to me lol) and I felt that I wanted to elaborate more on this subject. Mostly for myself, but also to help some get what is meant by "not wanting"

Not wanting is not:
-to stop liking women
-Giving up
-Resisting women
-not taking action

It really means:
-not mentally grasping. not even mentally holding your hand out. not even thinking of mentally holding your hand out
-trusting the natural process of sexual attraction
-being relaxed
-not waiting/wanting things to happen. this is the big one and it is what is REALLY meant by not wanting. You don't want or expect anything to happen in an interaction. you don't worry about how much success you have.

In this context, not wanting and not needing are synonymous. Both are varying degrees of neediness.

You can still take positive action, but you don't have expectations, you don't WANT to take anything to her, you can just GIVE her a good time without wanting (by that i mean expecting/waiting/wanting SOMETHING to happen BETWEEN YOU AND HER) And when you do take action, it's not from a perspective of getting your level of success up. Neither is it running a numbers game. It's you being the sexy person that you are enjoying, loving life whether or not she's in it.

And I get the feeling from some guys that changing your focus will result in a plummeting of your success because "You just don't care." If you don't care, you won't do anything about it. It's not that you don't care...

ITS THAT YOU DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR LEVEL OF SUCCESS. YOU DONT WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN, YOU JUST ARE.

It's like if a friend came up to you and offered you to go on a snowboarding trip. And you happen to love snowboarding. You didn't go through your entire life waiting/watching/seeking out this trip. It came to you, and you would love to go just because you love snowboarding. Replace snowboarding with say...women... then this is the best mindset to have

Even if you don't FEEL a needy emotion or anxiety or whatever, having these thoughts can still hold you back (though do not try to shun them away). Thoughts, emotions, actions, words, are all powered with an energy behind them. You may not feel needy, but thinking about how an interaction is going is one way to change up your energy.

I'll illustrate a true example of this. Girl in my math class is a good friend of mine. When I started NG last September, there were a few times where NG seemed to effect my energy enough to have a good effect on hers. It happened occasionally and randomly, and when I wanted it to happen again, it just wouldn't. I enjoyed these interactions...but they wouldn't happen when I cared about when they happened. Fast forward to now, I was still thinking about this (shows that regardless of how much NG, a conscious shift in mindset must take place) and then I thought to myself "If I don't have to try, then I should stop mentally trying". I really felt like I didn't need to keep trying and then she turns to me and says "I can't stop smiling". Cool....i thought. It wasnt instantaneous though, the shift occured while I was talking to her and that came a little while later while I was talking to her.

When you don't care about success, you are free to be the star you are born to be. There's room for allowance.

Besides, trying with women for the rest of your life would suck, wouldn't it?

Thanks Midnight this is a very nice post and does shed some light on the whole subject.

One thing I want to add is the danger in becoming too passive.
I know that's not what you mean here, but I noticed that some people on realm are only doing natural grounding and not trying to do anything in reality.

So finding the line or the balance between: being too passive and caring too much is importent.

You didn't Imply that people need to be passive but I just felt like adding this comment

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

Wow Midnight, very nice post thank you for that!

Shay u wrote it can be dangerous if someone is doing only natural grounding and in the reality he isn't doing everything right?

Do you mean with that that someone should do Natural Grounding and then go out and approaching women? Look okay maybe for you its good, but I can only talk for myself and since I reached a new level with Natural Grounding the not carrying and needing is much stronger than the beginning. And since then I don't go outisde so often like before because I don't need it you know? I love to sit with some friends in a bar in my village and have a good night instead to going in a club and approaching women. It should not sound arrogant or something, but even if I don't have woman (apart from my friends which are woman) I don't need it or even want it. I don't know but maybe its a stage but at the time I'm happy without woman. Hopefully you understand what I mean

best regards,

midway

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- The world doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you what you are

^

Yea I know what you mean midway. I didn't say: "isn't doing everything" I said: not doing Anything......
There is a big difference

I'm also at a stage right now that I don't date- out of choice. I don't feel like dating at the moment and that's fine.
However, if you talk to me in let's say: 2 years and ask me what's new, and I'll tell you:
Yea I'm doing natural grounding but I'm not dating, then something is not right.
you know what I mean......

Also when I start dating again my aim will be to get a girlfreinds and a relationship and I'm not going to do hundreds of cold approaches or do the collecting loads of phone numbers drill for that.
I'm going to go out, approach get numbers, get dates, but eveything will be done in a fun and light way

I'm not going to create loads of work for myself or go out of my way too much. Just: go out, have fun and get phone numbers and dates during the process.....

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

Firstly, really nice post Midnight.
Lovely state to be in.

If it came along you would be happy, if it does not you are happy
This to me is the ideal state.. Not necessarily being clueless but not being focused on it overly.

Things just flowing, you both know it but it happens effortlessly, like you are both watching it unfold in front of you.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Another note I wanted to add after i posted this:

Yes, you can have *some* success with a needy mindset. But it's so rare and inconsistent, it's not even worth getting a reward if it means life is hell.

But I think many of you will notice that when things were going well in an interaction, you weren't trying anything. Stuff just happened. Like Sir-Michael said.

And shay, that's a good point about not being passive, but it's your life. It's up to you whether you want to approach or whatever, but the point is that you don't look at this whole women thing as a "success" based thing. You're interacting with people!

I find the less I care, the more comfortable I am, the more I act. I think you'll all find this true as well. Wanting something actually holds me back because of fear of not getting it. When I am comfortable and relaxed, I don't need to hold back. We can all be very social, if we permit.

That's one of the traps I get into sometimes, I know that I can't do NOTHING and I have to do SOMETHING...but when any push in her direction on my part or any move I make seems to push her further away, with anything as simple as me asking her an open question, it's easier NOT to care when this happens and become passive out of resignation, I'd rather do nothing and let the right girls come my way, those confident enough to go after a guy, I know that's too much to ask for these days.

When you don't care about success, you are free to be the star you are born to be. There's room for allowance.
I've had this thought for awhile as well, the reason I feel feelings of neediness or whatever when I feel them it's because I care, if I didn't care, I wouldn't feel them....I noticed yesterday how my brother is still the same person when he's with me, or his girlfriend, he doesn't have to change who he is to keep her interested.

That make me think 'qualifying' myself ie spinning plates, meaning always being kept on my toes and trying to keep her interested would suck, I imagined carrying that into a relationship and that would suck, it would be a relationship founded on lies and manipulation, now I know why my date never called me back, because I lied to her trying to be Zan.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."