Natural Freedom

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 Post subject: Shifting focus
PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 6:23 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:45 am
Posts: 70
Location: United States
I had a profound experience the other day that I'm still realizing and comprehending...

The story up to this point was that I had been doing NG and SI and they were both emotional, but results (I don't enjoy typing out that word in this context anymore, lol) were inconsistent. Though i'm pretty sure i now realize NG does have cumulative effect, because there were times where I seemed to be (I say that because I really didn't pay attention) in state and that effect lasted for a few days. Like things became more consistent, but it was happening at a snails pace...

In between all of that, I was just trying to get by. Mostly dwelling on why things were as inconsistent as they were...

You see, probably as a result from meditation/NG practices, my ego got the impression that all I needed to do was give out a certain aura to get people to notice me. And it would try to control it by TRYING to influence my thoughts. I TRIED to think like a natural. Which I can't blame my ego, because the mind wants to solve problems, but it was also causing it...

Anyway, I was more concerned with the aura I was projecting and I tried to sort of balance my internal state so that I could give out this aura. The only thing it did was validate my neediness.

My thinking was if other people are noticing something about me = it means that I am really feeling a certain thing inside. Make sense? Well it SHOULDNT! LOL

After being in a sort of cycle with this, with most of the cycle consisting of being needy on the inside...one day I felt really really tense and anxious and I HAD to go for a walk. I had been having certain realizations up to this point like

1. If women don't make me happy (satisfy my ego), why should I even chase them? That's no fun...
Wome aren't supposed to make you happy...(scared the crap out of the ego, but there was a place inside in full agreement with this)
2. If I gave up wanting women, I might be happy, but I don't get women. I don't understand why I thought this, I just did. My mind clung to an idea that happiness is only worth something when you get something...
3.The aura I project is based off of what happens on the inside. I can't try to control it or project it more...but I must obviously be feeling authentic if people are noticing right? I must be feeling confident, smooth, sexy, unneedy if they're lookin at me right? RIGHT? RIGHT?!?
NO, you're the only person who knows how you're feeling. What more validation for a state do you need?

The third one I had earlier that day, that I understood...but I cycled back into low energy for a while...

I went for this walk and thoughts raced. No ipod this time. No cell phone to distract me. Just my thoughts and I. It was kind of emotional for me in the sense that I realized I really didn't want to be a beggar for the rest of my life. Regardless of what did or didn't come to me, being a beggar is not the way life should be lived. I AM NOT A BEGGAR. NEITHER ARE ANY OF YOU.

I then came back to the 3rd realization on my list and thought about it, until it suddenly clicked for me...

My focus in life isn't supposed to be women or succeeding with them, or becoming magical by meditation/NG.

Only I knew how I felt inside, and i DECIDED that that is how I am validated. No longer will it go

"Am I feeling secure?"
*Look around, based on the eye contact I get*
"Probably not, my subconscious must feeling needy (or some other explanation I didn't really understand)"

It goes:

"I am feeling secure."

Being absolutely self-validated and self-actualized as man. My foucs is on how I FEEL. My state of mind. That is how you become self-validated.

With that, I shall take a break from these forums for a few days. It was nice talking to you all for the first time and thanks for opening this forum. See you all soon.

EDIT: Totally put this in the wrong forum. Could an admin place it in the Changes forum? Lol, thanks.


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 Post subject: Re: Shifting focus
PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:25 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:45 am
Posts: 70
Location: United States
I forgot an important 4th one lol.

4. If I don't have to try at all, why aren't I getting women? Isn't it supposed to be done without trying?
Well trying not to try is still trying, is it not? On the same note, externally not trying while trying internally is still trying. You have to actually not try for it to work. But it has to be real. Thinking about how to get women is trying, and you don't TRY to get women. You just do.

Thanks libertas for reading.


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