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Anger Issues
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Author:  fufe [ Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Anger Issues
I have anger issues.
Especially when playing competitive online games, when I suck (most of the time..) blame myself for fucking up, when people hate on me it's even worse -> I get incredibely angry at myself
Today it got to the point that I shouted as much as I could to vent the anger - Funny thing is that it somehow helped and I feel relieved
I get angry at lot of things - Especially at having to have a job, that I hate to go to, having to make money (Somehow I hate money and am triggered by this, what the fuck)
Thought about "Just allowing the anger" makes me want to rip heads off

So I am pretty much angry all day every day over everything

Any input
Author:  Jared [ Sun Jun 22, 2014 3:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Everything depends upon how far you are willing to go
Author:  Altair [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 8:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Why do you lose?
Author:  fufe [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 8:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
I didn't talk about losing anything..
You mean why do I lose those games ?
Author:  Altair [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
The concepts of letting go and not letting your emotions run you are much easier when your not losing. You said you don't do well in competitive video games.

I'm childish and hate losing haha, I can take a tactical loss to win the war. But I wouldn't be like oh I'm not winning I will just learn to deal with my anger. I would logically sit down and be like what is holding me back? What are they doing? What is their plan? How can I be precisely one step ahead of what they think? And how can I be one step ahead of what they think I would think? Onward and onward.

The solution is not to accept a situation that makes you feel powerless, but to adapt and overcome. By doing so you break the metaphorical chains of the emotion. You decide how you feel because you decide how to influence reality around you.
Author:  fufe [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Altair wrote:
The concepts of letting go and not letting your emotions run you are much easier when your not losing. You said you don't do well in competitive video games.

I'm childish and hate losing haha, I can take a tactical loss to win the war. But I wouldn't be like oh I'm not winning I will just learn to deal with my anger. I would logically sit down and be like what is holding me back? What are they doing? What is their plan? How can I be precisely one step ahead of what they think? And how can I be one step ahead of what they think I would think? Onward and onward.

The solution is not to accept a situation that makes you feel powerless, but to adapt and overcome. By doing so you break the metaphorical chains of the emotion. You decide how you feel because you decide how to influence reality around you.
Ok, I get what you meant now.

Quote:
You decide how you feel because you decide how to influence reality around you.
What I consider one of my biggest flaws.. Is that I don't feel (feel is more precise word that know) if it's right to spend time on it or not - If it's worth it, if I'm even good enough for it.. Especially with online games, my neck muscles r fcked up maybe because of sitting in front of pc for long periods of time (Doctors don't know) so it's even a health question..
I have serious problem with comitting to anything, as you guys here already know - Because I don't feel about anything it's the right thing, or worth it, etc.
Also, most people I play with for some time got better faster than I did
Quote:
But I wouldn't be like oh I'm not winning I will just learn to deal with my anger.
I like this really much, because it describes what I'm going through all the time - I hate the option of fucking off and giving up because whatever reason - Feel like I'm absolutely powerless over everything in life, myself and my bullshit emotional states included
Knowing that this may be a defense mechanism against feelings of powerlessness, lack of control and feeling useless doesn't really help. :|

It's League of Legends by the way lol

EDIT:
Quote:
Knowing that this is a defense mechanism against feelings of powerlessness, lack of control and feeling useless doesn't really help. :|
Author:  Altair [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Bridging is an effective way to realign your spinal/neck muscles.

Do you play? Or do you think about the game? Do you watch twitch tv videos?

Time spent on a craft does not automatically equate to improvement of a skill set.

It is likely that their thought processes are more clear on their direction and the best way to facilitate it.
Author:  fufe [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Altair wrote:
Bridging is an effective way to realign your spinal/neck muscles.

Do you play? Or do you think about the game? Do you watch twitch tv videos?

Time spent on a craft does not automatically equate to improvement of a skill set.

It is likely that their thought processes are more clear on their direction and the best way to facilitate it.
I'm going to do the bridging stuff, why not, seems even pleasant lol

I actually watch less twitch tv videos than most of ppl I kno wthat play.. I play a lot, sometimes 8 games a day

But I get the point with the clarity of ones mind
Author:  Jared [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
fufe wrote:

What I consider one of my biggest flaws.. Is that I don't feel (feel is more precise word that know) if it's right to spend time on it or not - If it's worth it, if I'm even good enough for it..
Time is going to pass anyway. If you start something today,
at 37 (my age) you are as old as if you hadn´t started something.

Start making real decisions.
Author:  fufe [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 11:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
I checked my match history (Which is absolutely pathetic..) And what came to me, is the fact that situations like those that get me insanely mad ingame remind me of what was happening a lot when I was a little kid - I got into these situations where classmates were pretty much bullying me - All of those situations was me having no control over what is done to me.
And realistically speaking.. I have no damn clue how else are you supposed to react to such situation, especially as a child.. I wasn't the fighting type as a kid (obviously) so I got bullied all the time. If I was in the same position today, I would show the motherfucker what's going on, lol, but as a kid I didn't know (Father hasn't been much of a help lol)

I mean, really, it may sound weird to lot of you, but what else are you to do in situation when there are bad things done to you and you can't do anything about it, if you are kid or not ?
Author:  Jared [ Mon Jun 23, 2014 11:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
fufe wrote:

I mean, really, it may sound weird to lot of you, but what else are you to do in situation when there are bad things done to you and you can't do anything about it, if you are kid or not ?
You were not born w/ a fully grown consciousness,
so of course you did not know what to do. (It's the human condition.)

The more you surrender to a difficult person's demands,
the more you build his egotism.

A furious man acts out of a false role. Understand them,
but never coddle.
Author:  Jared [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 12:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
It's not about if you can deliver a hard punch,
it's about having unflinched testicles and getting back up
after you get beat up.
Author:  Flow83 [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Seeing anger as an issue is the issue. What you resist persists.
Author:  Altair [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
fufe wrote:
I checked my match history (Which is absolutely pathetic..) And what came to me, is the fact that situations like those that get me insanely mad ingame remind me of what was happening a lot when I was a little kid - I got into these situations where classmates were pretty much bullying me - All of those situations was me having no control over what is done to me.
And realistically speaking.. I have no damn clue how else are you supposed to react to such situation, especially as a child.. I wasn't the fighting type as a kid (obviously) so I got bullied all the time. If I was in the same position today, I would show the motherfucker what's going on, lol, but as a kid I didn't know (Father hasn't been much of a help lol)

I mean, really, it may sound weird to lot of you, but what else are you to do in situation when there are bad things done to you and you can't do anything about it, if you are kid or not ?
Uh...give zero fucks. Don't let people dictate how you feel.

You must relentlessly ferret out weaknesses in others to exploit as much as your own weaknesses. The idea is to keep them emotional and thus at a disadvantage.

The idea of just working on your emotions without impacting reality around you is as worthless as doing affirmations. Some bully is kicking sand in your face? Don't be like ahh I need to resolve my anger it's my fault I'm angry someone is kicking sand in my face.

Man up.
Author:  Flow83 [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Yes. The transmuted form of anger is total clarity. It is the energy that can immediately assess what the situation needs and execute with razor-sharp efficiency and precision. It is not a coincidence that the Buddhist God of wisdom usually looks very "angry"and often has a sword.

It is only when it is resisted or denied that it becomes an "anger problem" and where a lot of so-called spiritual people try to transcend it if not suppress it. Its all some form of trying to deny or get rid of a necessary part of yourself rather than integrate it. It's ironic that you dismissively downplay the allowing anger, because what that actually means is moving right into the heart of it and all the way through it, including the fear that it will consume you and cause destruction.
Author:  Altair [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Hmm, interesting.

I look at it more from the point of view of. If someone is intentionally trying to get at me then why would I allow them to have the effect they want? If they succeed, I will be angry but will not allow it to show.

I will then shore up any weaknesses that allowed them to get through my defense of logic.
Author:  JDogg [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
As someone who grew up in an angry environment, let me tell you this:

I was always the vent for the pent up anger of my brother and mother. Let me tell you something else, I may have got the brunt of their anger, but they sure as hell suffered from it more than I did.

When I am angry, I suffer as well. Don't suffer. Be efficient with the energy gained from anger. Express it!

I used to punch things and curse to myself when I was angry. You know what I do now?

I address the anger as it arises. Meaning, if someone does something that makes me angry, I will utilize the energy and passion of the anger to express my anger.

I will let it run through my veins and out my mouth, but it is important to be calculating with this energy. Don't just let it rush out of your mouth as you scream expletives at the person. That is not true expression, that is venting. Venting is not as effective because it won't leave a lasting impression. People will just write you off as an angry person and some of them will remember that it is possible to push your buttons and they will use that to their advantage.

With my angry energy, I allow myself to transform into Jdogg lawyer-mode. I will tell them exactly how I feel, why I feel that way, and what I will do if it happens again. Regardless if they listen to me or not, I will feel better knowing I expressed my feelings and expectations, while setting boundaries for the perpetrator.

If it is self-directed anger, then you must find the source, ponder it, and address it. Otherwise, you are doomed to succumb to your negative emotions and that self-directed anger may turn into self-directed hate.
Author:  JDogg [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
As someone who grew up in an angry environment, let me tell you this:

I was always the vent for the pent up anger of my brother and mother. Let me tell you something else, I may have got the brunt of their anger, but they sure as hell suffered from it more than I did.

When I am angry, I suffer as well. Don't suffer. Be efficient with the energy gained from anger. Express it!

I used to punch things and curse to myself when I was angry. You know what I do now?

I address the anger as it arises. Meaning, if someone does something that makes me angry, I will utilize the energy and passion of the anger to express my anger.

I will let it run through my veins and out my mouth, but it is important to be calculating with this energy. Don't just let it rush out of your mouth as you scream expletives at the person. That is not true expression, that is venting. Venting is not as effective because often times you will be misunderstood. People will just write you off as an angry person and some of them will remember that it is possible to push your buttons and they will use that to their advantage.

With my angry energy, I allow myself to transform into Jdogg lawyer-mode. I will tell them exactly how I feel, why I feel that way, and what I will do if it happens again. Regardless if they listen to me or not, I will feel better knowing I expressed my feelings and expectations, while setting boundaries for the perpetrator.

If it is self-directed anger, then you must find the source, ponder it, and address it. Otherwise, you are doomed to succumb to your negative emotions and that self-directed anger may turn into self-directed hate.
Author:  Flow83 [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
To me that is really aligned. There is the raw energy itself and then there is the emotion which is more to do with how it is interpreted. If it is really allowed to flow freely, that natural energy in the conflict or situation gets channeled effectively and is used in your favor. I really mean allowing that energy to flow, more than feeling angry which is an interpretation of it. Because as you said, if you let the situation or your opponent get you into rage, you are screwed. That rage is really the result of not embracing, feeling, channeling that energy until it builds up and basically takes you over, it uses you instead of you it. To me it is a practice, and very similar to the way guys shoot themselves in the foot and do stupid things because their "sex drive took over".

One of the biggest distinctions to me Is that the way you are describing it, you feel empowered to assess the situation and do something about it. What a lot of people call anger is that frustration of being in a situation in feeling like there is nothing they can do and they are total victims. Powerlessness is the ultimate bitch of a feeling.
Author:  fufe [ Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Anger Issues
Flow83 wrote:
One of the biggest distinctions to me Is that the way you are describing it, you feel empowered to assess the situation and do something about it. What a lot of people call anger is that frustration of being in a situation in feeling like there is nothing they can do and they are total victims. Powerlessness is the ultimate bitch of a feeling.
I agree, I even said this
Quote:
Knowing that this may be a defense mechanism against feelings of powerlessness, lack of control and feeling useless doesn't really help. :|
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