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Standing on a crossroad
http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=3910		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Rider [ Thu May 22, 2014 10:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Standing on a crossroad
I find myself in a very strange space lately.

I have begun to actively seek a new place to live in... for myself only. I am a father and a head of the family so there will be always a space for my kids (I love them to bits and will not abandon them) in my new place but the relationship I am in, I am very unsure of. Yes, unsure is the best word I can put it into.

I lived with my "wife" for 13 years with ups and downs, and recently I realized it was always on her terms. She got away with so much stuff that I was n´t happy with, with no consequences other than my anger. " I need my space" and "I want my freedom" where the lines I heard quite few times in my life. She was and still is quite attractive woman and always played an "open relationship" game with me. I was going for this, even though I felt like she had an upper hand in this setup. However, I was the first to break exclusivity. At least to my knowledge.

On the beginning we where happy but after about 3 - 4 years into relationship I was all the time waiting for sex, especially after our kids were born. She had no interest in this for many years. It was a once, twice a month thing for me. Not enough for a horny young dude I was. I started looking for it outside the relationship and I bumped on a whole PUA scheme. I had no success with this so I did n´t manage to patch up any voids.


Around a year ago I found this forum and started changing things around. I cut an access to my wallet as one of most important things. I decided that I am not gonna beg for sex ever again and all of a sudden she started giving it up. I get enough sex with her now but I don´t feel that true issues in the relationships have been addressed. I feel a lot of resentment towards her for all the years in suffering I went through and I am not sure if I wanna work through this with this woman. There are still some relatively recent stories of her trying to play the open relationship game with me, which I even mentioned on this forum and I wanna make her pay for this, because you see, I don´t think I want an open relationship. I come to think now that they are directionless. If it is a relationship one wants to be in than why keep it open? If it is freedom one wants than why be together? It is as if open relationships were for people which are afraid to make decisions.

I think she would agree now on having a non open relationship if I wanted to do this with her, but I am not sure if that is what I want myself. I am not sure if I could commit to it with this woman. That is why I think I am wasting our time by being with her.

She realizes now that I am really trying to fly away and has been acting all hurt, but today she seemed to have accepted, which caused me some second thoughts. I am standing on the crossroad now. I am unsure which way to take because there are some things I really don´t like about her, plus the resentment, yet every time I go to see the next possible house I get the feeling that I don´t want to leave my family. Some sort of fear of unknown, fear of failure. Questions rise in my head and I doubt myself.

Initially, when I asked a friend about a house he has the feeling I got was really quite exciting, I felt free for few seconds, but when I went to see the place this feeling of doubt was quite prominent.

P.S. It is difficult to find a place as nice as I live in now with her, for the money that it costs me here, too. If I give it up, I am giving up a nice package, but I hear that to have everything you have to give up everything.
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Fri May 23, 2014 1:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
First of all, remember that no one is perfect. :geek:

Also take into consideration that everything you are upset with her doing to you...was only possible because you enabled her to do so. :ugeek:

You have a lot to chew on. :geek:
Author:  peregrinus [ Fri May 23, 2014 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
There is also the issue of your relationship with your kids will change, and you know this.

I think first you have to decide what you want.

and I do not mean open/closed relationship.

Really want.

Also think about what your needs are.

Then you will come up with some 'can live with' and 'cant live without' s.

One thing that does make me curious is how she 'played the open relationship' with you. I think there is something there and probably not what you think.

Mostly I would advise against rash decisions, as it does not sound like you have made your mind up, make it up a bit more before you act.
Author:  GoldenBoy [ Fri May 23, 2014 6:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
Oh, that ol' Kidd and Grinus combo.

Just splendid :ugeek:
Author:  Meraki [ Fri May 23, 2014 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
Quote:
I feel a lot of resentment towards her for all the years in suffering I went through and I am not sure if I wanna work through this with this woman.
I would strongly suggest letting go of this before making your decision. It is clouding your judgement, and if you make a decision based on the resentment, that is not a fair decision to yourself.

There is a ton of info on this forum on letting go. Search "letting go" and "let it go" and you will find a ton of threads.
Quote:
there are some things I really don´t like about her
This on the other hand is much more valid. Once resentment is no longer clouding your judgement, you will be much more able to see things as they actually are and will be able to make a decision on actual facts and realities.
Author:  Rider [ Fri May 23, 2014 8:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
peregrinus wrote:

One thing that does make me curious is how she 'played the open relationship' with you. I think there is something there and probably not what you think.
This is were the hint to what I really want could be. We emigrated shortly after we got together but just before this happened I had slept with other girl. I told this to her after about two years. After she began having same sort of fun. I wanted to be easy about it so I could fuck other women without hiding myself with it. So I was saying that is what I want and stayed with her to have regular access to pussy. But jealousy was eating me up every time she shown an interest to other man. And it felt like I was a lesser of man every time it happened. Myself I had not much luck with other women for few years. They always liked me but I kept killing it with my sympishness.

I can see how I made this brew for myself. Now I am drinking it.

peregrinus wrote:
I think first you have to decide what you want.

Really want.
I always struggled with this a lot. Always knew what I don´t want, though.

peregrinus wrote:
Also think about what your needs are.
...and that is completely new dimension. I never thought of that!!


One more thing that I did not mention, but think is important. I love decent titties, and my girl has OK breasts but rather small. They get bigger before her period and I feel I really love her than. But when I see a girl with larger breasts it just trips all my fuses. I know it´s ridiculous, and I find myself quite hesitant to write it, but wanna point it out as it seems to knock me out of my tracks a lot.

Kidd, you know this yourself. You are absolutely right. I was actually resisting your answer somehow. I guess it was n´t what I wanted to hear.
Meraki wrote:
Quote:
I feel a lot of resentment towards her for all the years in suffering I went through and I am not sure if I wanna work through this with this woman.
I would strongly suggest letting go of this before making your decision. It is clouding your judgement, and if you make a decision based on the resentment, that is not a fair decision to yourself.

There is a ton of info on this forum on letting go. Search "letting go" and "let it go" and you will find a ton of threads.
Quote:
there are some things I really don´t like about her
This on the other hand is much more valid. Once resentment is no longer clouding your judgement, you will be much more able to see things as they actually are and will be able to make a decision on actual facts and realities.
I will definitely look into that. I actually don´t know how much of this resentment is still there. You helped me realize that.

thank you guys

of to the push ups
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Fri May 23, 2014 8:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
Quote:
Kidd, you know this yourself. You are absolutely right. I was actually resisting your answer somehow. I guess it was n´t what I wanted to hear.
Eh don't worry about it...I'm used to it. ;)
Author:  GoldenBoy [ Sat May 24, 2014 6:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
Rider wrote:
One more thing that I did not mention, but think is important. I love decent titties, and my girl has OK breasts but rather small. They get bigger before her period and I feel I really love her than. But when I see a girl with larger breasts it just trips all my fuses. I know it´s ridiculous, and I find myself quite hesitant to write it, but wanna point it out as it seems to knock me out of my tracks a lot.
THIS ISN'T RIDICULOUS AT ALL !!!!!

I have a friend, real player (fucked many women), that now has 'the right woman' (in his mind), never even cheated on her (whereas he did with all other women he didn't care about). BUT she has regular breast (not small mind you, but probably B-C cup) :
He said, "damn when she gets on my nerve, I know I can cheat on her easily.
If I had to cheat on her, I would want one with Bigass titties, where I can put my head in it and wiggle. Coz no matter how fine my girl is, I just love Big titties."

This was helpful no ? :lol:
Author:  peregrinus [ Sat May 24, 2014 9:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
Rider wrote:
when I see a girl with larger breasts it just trips all my fuses.
Rider wrote:
I know it´s ridiculous, and I find myself quite hesitant to write it, but wanna point it out as it seems to knock me out of my tracks a lot.
How do these two quotes go together?

It is one of your triggers..
It is something you find very attractive..

WE ALL HAVE THEM, just for different things.

How can that be ridiculous, it is part of you, who you are, what makes you tick.

Accept it, you love larger breasts... You may not know why, you do though.
Author:  fufe [ Sat May 24, 2014 9:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
peregrinus wrote:
How do these two quotes go together?

It is one of your triggers..
It is something you find very attractive..

WE ALL HAVE THEM, just for different things.

How can that be ridiculous, it is part of you, who you are, what makes you tick.

Accept it, you love larger breasts... You may not know why, you do though.
I LOVE THIS !

Now... Seriously, who doesn't love boobs ? :mrgreen:
Author:  GoldenBoy [ Sat May 24, 2014 10:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
fufe wrote:
peregrinus wrote:
How do these two quotes go together?

It is one of your triggers..
It is something you find very attractive..

WE ALL HAVE THEM, just for different things.

How can that be ridiculous, it is part of you, who you are, what makes you tick.

Accept it, you love larger breasts... You may not know why, you do though.
I LOVE THIS !

Now... Seriously, who doesn't love boobs ? :mrgreen:
+1
Author:  Rider [ Sat May 24, 2014 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
I wrote about it being ridiculous, cause it was always one of the bigger reasons for me wanting to move on. Leaving something quite valuable I have behind, for a sake of such trivia. Turning the whole world upside down because of it... but it gets triggered again and again and again. I love my girl but this thing kept phasing me for a long time now.
Author:  Rider [ Fri Jun 06, 2014 8:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
Standing on the crossroad, I stopped and looked around for the signs as to which way to take but there are n´t any.

I seem to know where one road leads anyway, but it is the unknown direction that is really where I want to go. It is time to take it. Time to expand.

I came here looking for justification of what I wanna do. I let go of previously mentioned resentment. I was holding onto it for the same reason I wrote this post in a first place. There is no space for resentment now. It´s useless. Yes, nobody is perfect.

I recognize my wants and needs. The voice in me won´t stop calling me. I must honor it. I had a lovely morning with my girl this morning and its persistent whisper was all the time there.

I cannot resist my courage regarding this anymore.
Author:  Rider [ Fri Jun 06, 2014 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
Rider wrote:
I was holding onto it for the same reason I wrote this post in a first place.
edit: I was holding onto it for the same reason I started this thread in a first place.
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Fri Jun 06, 2014 10:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
Just go halfsies on a boob job and get on with it. ;)

Glad you're gotten some clarity. 8-)
Author:  Rider [ Fri Jun 06, 2014 10:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Standing on a crossroad
The Kidd!! wrote:
Just go halfsies on a boob job and get on with it. ;)
^ :lol:

but nah. I am just gonna see her before her periods :mrgreen:

I really wanna get on with my life in more independent manner
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