Thank you for bringing this back up. It's frustrating reading the mental masturbation, which I thought were huge breakthroughs, and always having the question of whether this is the same thing in the back of my mind.
The difference now, however, is self-validation. Or rather, my understanding and practice of it. I thought it meant reaching some state where I am above others, which I wanted to reach by eliminating things I saw as obstacles (fear, anxiety, anger). I wanted to accept myself to be accepted by others - a laughable fallacy
I see the error of that now - it's about wholly accepting everything in myself. Like you wrote about the cat, I am what I am. I still get nervous, I still feel un-confident at times. But it is what it is, and I am improving my relationship with it. Speaking with it, acknowledging it and letting it be there.
An example I would use would be my ever present self-doubt while writing and preparing to record my upcoming CD. Before I saw it as weakness, and something I wanted to push away. Now it's just something that's completely normal and expected and I work with it.