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 Post subject: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:32 pm 
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Where to begin.

I see that everyone is in it for themselves. This used to be a comforting thought when thinking about strangers and other university students and how I wasn't really fitting into their social circles ("Yeah? Well fuck those guys, they don't really love me anyway"). But I'm starting to see it, more and more, with people I considered really good friends. And I don't get it.

I just see it in the eyes of everyone but a small number of people - there is no love. The eyes are cold. And I don't know if I should feel bad about not being able to provide things that would make them think I'm worthy. On the market place of value offered, I probably am not offering much. Which is confusing as shit to me - I work 2 high level jobs, am developing myself in my hobbies, working my ass off in the gym and becoming more and more indifferent. These are things that are making me a into a better version of myself and making me, in turn, happier. And yet, people seem to be actively trying to hate me when they see this. Especially when I mention or talk about these activities. I really don't understand.

The past month, I've been working on improving myself and in doing that, became something of a loner. Sure, I interact with a lot of people, be it in the gym, at job #1, job #2 or when teaching, but I'm mostly concentrating on things to improve myself. Meditating daily. Sprinting and lifting. Writing. Looking inside myself and confronting things honestly. So when I do this, I kind of ignore drinking, parties and focus on my relationship with myself. I've stopped registering the gossip people talk about, don't really give much validation to their problems that I now see as petty and small. This might sound narcissistic and full of ego, but I'm feeling like I'm evolving past them. And that they hate me for it. This includes my family and close friends, i.e. the people who dealt with me before I started on this path fully. When family gatherings come around, people (except for my grandma or parents when showing off my accomplishments) don't give a shit what I have to say and when I do, start comparing what they've done and how better it is.

When interacting with people (and this mostly applies to people in my age group), I see cold looks and the attempts to push me down. I shit you not, if I'm hanging out with 3 classmates then it's usually 3v1, with 3 dudes or girls just doing there best to nitpick things that I said and spinning it into a way to put me down. I feel so uncomfortable around these people, and it's probably because I'm not secure in myself enough (and was used to getting validation from them). I honestly don't know if they're doing it because they used to be my ""validation-dealer" and are seeing me coming to them for that less and less, thereby doing there best to ring me back in. But it sucks and it's tiresome to not be able to just shoot the shit, exchange ideas and experiences without feeling threatened or being careful about what I say.

I don't have the self-love and inner confidence to not care about this at all. I don't know how to interact with people that I see are antagonistic towards me. And it's so confusing, because it seems so bipolar - one minute everything's great, next minute I'm shut out. Might be because I am validating myself fully one minute, and then hesitating the next. I have no clue.

I'm listening to this one "friend" talk about his plans for leaving the country for a long time and doing it to find out more about him. Not really putting myself in the equation. The second I say anything about myself, he goes quiet, says "Mhmm" and starts another tale about himself. And this happens on the regular. People don't really give a shit about me, and yet are very active in trying to put me down. They make an effort to hang out with me, and then constantly pour it on. What is the point in interacting with me then?

I have realized that I have a few good friends, however. We talk with brutal honesty and about some quite deep stuff, and it feels good to have these people in my life.

As for women - I see a ton of attention and looks, but don't think I'm worthy of them and have a feeling that deep down, I'm still a sack of shit with some recent insights sprinkled on top. Thought I should mention that.

This is probably all pointing me towards realizing that only I can really accept and love myself and that I need to let go of all this. But damn, I don't know how to not give a shit about seeing such negativity pointed towards me.

I don't really know if this was coherent or make sense to anybody. But if anybody here has noticed this when walking the path, or if it's in any way similar to anything you've experienced, please let me know.

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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:55 pm 
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Oh, I noticed it too - they always, always try to bring you down when you're evolving, 'climbing up'. Even more so if there is nothing to gain for them in your development. It is almost as you're trying to destroy the usual tribal hierarchy in your environment. But guess what - it is a good sign. The best confirmation of your choice to grow.


As for partying etc - I like it, there was one period of time when I felt like loner - same case as you. Go out, have fun, do something outside your comfort zone. It is too a part of your development process.

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Laying on the floor in a pool of blood and cum
My demons lay beside as I kiss them one by one
Then on that day I met a force that nothing will compare
I was born the son of evil when I fuck the devil there!


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:27 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2012 12:54 am
Posts: 411
Location: Levelling up.
Quote:
I see that everyone is in it for themselves.
Et tu?
Quote:
On the market place of value offered, I probably am not offering much. Which is confusing as shit to me - I work 2 high level jobs, am developing myself in my hobbies, working my ass off in the gym


You are not your job. You are not your hobbies. You are not how much you lift.
Quote:
and becoming more and more indifferent.


This whole post seems to imply that this is not the case. And then...
Quote:
I don't have the self-love and inner confidence to not care about this at all. I don't know how to interact with people that I see are antagonistic towards me.
Which is a contradiction to that statement, to say the least.
Quote:
These are things that are making me a into a better version of myself and making me, in turn, happier.
Adding things doesn't make one a happier person.
Quote:
When interacting with people (and this mostly applies to people in my age group), I see cold looks and the attempts to push me down
.

Hmm, I wonder why.
Quote:
This might sound narcissistic and full of ego, but I'm feeling like I'm evolving past them
Quote:
I shit you not, if I'm hanging out with 3 classmates then it's usually 3v1, with 3 dudes or girls just doing there best to nitpick things that I said and spinning it into a way to put me down. I feel so uncomfortable around these people, and it's probably because I'm not secure in myself enough (and was used to getting validation from them). I honestly don't know if they're doing it because they used to be my ""validation-dealer" and are seeing me coming to them for that less and less, thereby doing there best to ring me back in. But it sucks and it's tiresome to not be able to just shoot the shit, exchange ideas and experiences without feeling threatened or being careful about what I say.
Hang on, you said that you feel you're evolving past them. If that's true, then why do you want to exchange ideas with them? How can you actually be threatened by them?
Quote:
This is probably all pointing me towards realizing that only I can really accept and love myself and that I need to let go of all this. But damn, I don't know how to not give a shit about seeing such negativity pointed towards me.
You point the negativity toward others, they point it back. They're only picking up on how you truly feel about yourself and relaying it back to you.

That said, haters do exist and will try to bring others down for whatever reason they may have - but you need to discern the difference.


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:33 pm 
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"People are considered selfish only when they don't indulge others in their own selfishness." -Me :mrgreen:

Humans as a species are ruled by self interest innately. Accept it. Deal with it. Get on with it.

Let it go. :ugeek:

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 4:30 pm 
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Thanks for the replies guys, definitely appreciate it.

I wasn't paying attention to one major thing. What I was bringing to the table with every interaction was my lack of approval/love/acceptance, and seeing actions of others through these lens were creating inner torture. Conflict was painted by this and it created unreal situations in my head.

So once again (and you said it before Kidd), I spent way too much time focusing on others rather than focusing on myself. And funny, how deep that statement can be.

Leo, thanks for the breakdown. Apart from the part where people were projecting onto me what I though of myself (and where I projected onto them how I felt about myself), there was a lot that was way off. Lifting and working definitely don't make me happy, but challenging myself and growing through those experiences does. I encourage you to look into that.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 4:33 pm 
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I think someone would say to go into the feeling of feeling like shit because people try to talk down on you and really allow yourself to feel BAD them doing this to you (or you seeing it that way), because it seems to me that you feel guilt and regrets for feeling bad about this, thinking that you should be indifferent and not feel bad about it, so you deny it and then try to put something over it

Btw, I have a job working with my hands, nothing high-classy, I have hardly any hobbies ATM other than video games and I don't go to the gym - And I have plenty of people wanting to talk to me, sometimes I got 5 people at once on facebook texting me lol.. So I don't think value has much to do with things you think it does


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:11 pm 
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Posts: 411
Location: Levelling up.
moose35 wrote:
Lifting and working definitely don't make me happy, but challenging myself and growing through those experiences does. I encourage you to look into that.
And I encourage you to look at what you wrote again.
Quote:
I just see it in the eyes of everyone but a small number of people - there is no love. The eyes are cold. And I don't know if I should feel bad about not being able to provide things that would make them think I'm worthy. On the market place of value offered, I probably am not offering much. Which is confusing as shit to me - I work 2 high level jobs, am developing myself in my hobbies, working my ass off in the gym and becoming more and more indifferent. These are things that are making me a into a better version of myself and making me, in turn, happier. And yet, people seem to be actively trying to hate me when they see this. Especially when I mention or talk about these activities. I really don't understand.
Quote:
So I don't think value has much to do with things you think it does
It doesn't have anything to do with these things. He's confused because he's doesn't have anything of value to offer despite going to the gym, meditating, working two jobs and having hobbies(and all the challenges that come with them, which are supposed to make one a something something person that people like etc). Heaven forbid he have something to offer just as he is.


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:21 pm 
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Leo wrote:
moose35 wrote:
Lifting and working definitely don't make me happy, but challenging myself and growing through those experiences does. I encourage you to look into that.
And I encourage you to look at what you wrote again.
Quote:
I just see it in the eyes of everyone but a small number of people - there is no love. The eyes are cold. And I don't know if I should feel bad about not being able to provide things that would make them think I'm worthy. On the market place of value offered, I probably am not offering much. Which is confusing as shit to me - I work 2 high level jobs, am developing myself in my hobbies, working my ass off in the gym and becoming more and more indifferent. These are things that are making me a into a better version of myself and making me, in turn, happier. And yet, people seem to be actively trying to hate me when they see this. Especially when I mention or talk about these activities. I really don't understand.
Quote:
So I don't think value has much to do with things you think it does
It doesn't have anything to do with these things. He's confused because he's doesn't have anything of value to offer despite going to the gym, meditating, working two jobs and having hobbies(and all the challenges that come with them, which are supposed to make one a something something person that people like etc). Heaven forbid he have something to offer just as he is.
Gah, I was going to write out a reply back about how I don't agree, but who cares. You're right in the fact that it's wrong to seek external goals for external validation, and I was beginning to walk that path. So thanks for bringing that to my attention.

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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 11:32 pm 
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Location: The side of a mountain somewhere...
All these external things you have talked about are not problems.

They are merely symptoms of the fundamental problem, which is this:
Moose wrote:
I don't have the self-love and inner confidence to not care about this at all.
Once you no longer need the acceptance of others, then you can accept others for exactly who they are. When you can truly accept people for who they are, then you will find that a small percentage really are haters, and you can treat them accordingly (plus work on cloaking). The rest will value you because of the value you give them, which is the acceptance they want but can't give to themselves.

_________________
"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 4:55 am 
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I went through a phase where I was drawing in a lot of haters and people trying to bring me down...it was in the transitional phase before I started to get comfortable with the mindset.

As time goes on you will become more comfortable with it, once you solidify you kinda go invisible almost not even with the conscious cloaking it's just so far past what people encounter it doesn't even register on their radar like Goku when he evolves.

There's some interesting things to ponder here as well though, growing up I was very socially awkward and never got into many groups. After I started to really develop social skills I've found I can move through pretty much any group and be accepted it's just that it's really off key compared to who I have become...just don't gel with that many people and honestly just prefer to shroud myself in mystery.

I think the more deep ends of the mindset almost require you to be somewhat of a solitary individual not necessarily completely removed from social interactions if you need them because isolation can be dangerous. It limits your ability to have solid information to make decisions and allows moves to be made against you you cannot counter. But like, you shouldn't be looking just to be popular and get into certain groups.

I wouldn't worry too much about feeling like your not perfect, everyone has a ton of inperfections obv

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 7:09 am 
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moose35 wrote:
I wasn't paying attention to one major thing. What I was bringing to the table with every interaction was my lack of approval/love/acceptance
good, now you understand...

people are always going to be selfish and think: what's in it for them. That's why trying to rely on others for approval\love\acceptance is a losing game.

experience?
of course we all had that...

I have also lost good friends in the past once there was no more value exchange

You will never find an exception to the value theory my friend so you might as well accept it and
get approval\love\acceptance from yourself only.

it's a very bitter pill to swallow and I looked very hard to find an exception to the value theory- but there isn't any.

I must note that while I was having a tough time with 'the real world' Kidd and Grinus told me I would never find an exception to the value theory. I wanted to believe they are wrong and that somewhere there is an exception, but...they were right, there isn't :( .

You may need some more time to grasp everything and it's Ok. We all had our relapses

But when it will pass you will love 'the other side' 8-)

just take your time, take it easy and try to have some fun while you are at it....



[ img ]

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 1:01 pm 
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You guys are right. I can sympathize with being socially awkward Altair - always moved from country to country and literally couldn't communicate or get comfortable with people until a little bit down the road. And yeah Sniper, gotta remember to have a bit of fun. Taking things waaay too seriously sometimes.

Meraki, you're totally right. And I try to find ways to treat the symptoms all the time, because the disease is a scary thing to look at directly.
Quote:
The rest will value you because of the value you give them, which is the acceptance they want but can't give to themselves.
Funny how I was already looking for ways to "accept" people so they can value me after I read that. Sheesh.

_________________
Take it easy, man. But take it.


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 Post subject: Re: Feel so Alone
PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 6:12 pm 
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Posts: 68
Hey moose, try making this a mantra for a couple days if you want. Say to your Self, "I love and accept you for who you are and who you are not no matter what." Also being more grateful will never hurt.


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