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 Post subject: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 10:09 am 
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So, I had these self-defeating thoughts as everybody knows. It got to the point that it was unbearable and I couldn't run anymore, so I asked myself questions and realised how I was seeking approval and wanted to make the world go my way by making unreasonable threats.. Then the "energy" or "feeling" that I felt around my upper chest and throat moved, my body slightly vibrated for a moment and it vanished.
I don't seem to have these thoughts anymore, it's been few days and I feel fine about replaying them in my head.

BUT I am nowhere near my core yet..
I have strong repulsion about women when I look at them even ones I like, like strong "NO!". And if they'd approach me, I feel like pushing them away with "No I'm not done let me be". Problem is I can't recall this (at least not yet) sitting in my silent room, so I have hard time tapping into it at the moment. A dream about one girl made me recall same hate I still feel towards her, but it's too hard to recall without seeing her live.
I guess I have to have some stimulus from outside world to help with pinpointing the issues. It's not about thinking everytime, but the case I solved was. Funny fact - I was told by friend "You seem to really want approval from people" That made me think hard about my thinking, because I never saw it that way.

Good thing is that I don't have 24/7 bad feel of "you should do x,y,z, if you don't you are not good enough motherfucker !"" etc. I feel cool. But my inner rejection of all women makes me think it's not natural, so that's my next target it seems


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 3:53 pm 
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Look I know you are interested, I am not good for you.

I would ruin you, so you would be advised to keep far away from me.

Go away girl, see you in a few years.

[walk away]

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 3:04 am 
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peregrinus wrote:
Look I know you are interested, I am not good for you.
Best pick up line ever lol.

Do you feel unworthy of the girls?

The hatred I've had for women was either anger from past rejections or wrong self-beliefs. I hated some girls for liking me because I couldn't see what they saw in me. Really I guess it was projected self-hatred.


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 5:48 am 
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Yeah I still remember the words peregrinus wrote [Because I said to myself so many times].
And I did that. [Walked away]
Mind reading voodoo shit. :lol:

Even though woman are sttuborn and still want you. (Challenge, ego, etc.)

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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 4:11 pm 
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by the way I was cleaning up my room, I was going through some drawers I havn't for long time and I found big Matrix Revolutions Poster with Neo and Trinity ! :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 6:19 pm 
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foofatron wrote:
peregrinus wrote:
Look I know you are interested, I am not good for you.
Best pick up line ever lol.
For some reason I get the feeling 'Grinus is NOT using this as a pickup line

However with where he's coming from and the reaction I would predict this generates, an onlooking aspiring pua would probably run like mad hell to post *New potently effective pickup line generates insane attraction in only one sentence*


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 3:38 pm 
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fufe wrote:
by the way I was cleaning up my room, I was going through some drawers I havn't for long time and I found big Matrix Revolutions Poster with Neo and Trinity ! :lol:
Really? That's great! :D

Now place it on the ground, face up. Next line yourself up with it longways. Then, put your hands about shoulder width apart lined up so that Neo and Trinity's faces are centered between them...and then do PUSH UPS UNTIL YOUR ARMS FALL OFF. :twisted:

You'll thank me later. 8-)

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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 4:11 pm 
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StephenP wrote:
foofatron wrote:
peregrinus wrote:
Look I know you are interested, I am not good for you.
Best pick up line ever lol.
For some reason I get the feeling 'Grinus is NOT using this as a pickup line

However with where he's coming from and the reaction I would predict this generates, an onlooking aspiring pua would probably run like mad hell to post *New potently effective pickup line generates insane attraction in only one sentence*
Ebook explaining the science of the pickup line coming soon. Not $299 not $99 but only $37!!!!!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 4:35 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
fufe wrote:
by the way I was cleaning up my room, I was going through some drawers I havn't for long time and I found big Matrix Revolutions Poster with Neo and Trinity ! :lol:
Really? That's great! :D

Now place it on the ground, face up. Next line yourself up with it longways. Then, put your hands about shoulder width apart lined up so that Neo and Trinity's faces are centered between them...and then do PUSH UPS UNTIL YOUR ARMS FALL OFF. :twisted:

You'll thank me later. 8-)
Nyahahaha! :lol:

Awesome.

[ img ]

_________________
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 4:46 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
fufe wrote:
by the way I was cleaning up my room, I was going through some drawers I havn't for long time and I found big Matrix Revolutions Poster with Neo and Trinity ! :lol:
Really? That's great! :D

Now place it on the ground, face up. Next line yourself up with it longways. Then, put your hands about shoulder width apart lined up so that Neo and Trinity's faces are centered between them...and then do PUSH UPS UNTIL YOUR ARMS FALL OFF. :twisted:

You'll thank me later. 8-)
K !
[ img ]


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:55 am 
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peregrinus wrote:
Look I know you are interested, I am not good for you.

I would ruin you, so you would be advised to keep far away from me.

Go away girl, see you in a few years.

[walk away]
Wow...I am glad you have shared that information with us all peregrinus.

That dialogue stream is golden. Like I am speechless - it's not good, bad, right, wrong; whatever - It is just natural.
Very useful to know and put into use, though obviously only useful if that is truly how one feels.

I can think of a situation only a few days ago where this selection of words would have fit perfectly. I know the words themselves are of no use, and it's really about your vibe in conveying them.

Just to clarify, I am not saying these are the exact words everyone should use at any given minute just to drop some panties or something. I think it goes without saying that is not the point...that would be the superficial understanding of peregrinus' words.

But what I am saying is that in a particular moment recently in my life, these words fit my vibe perfectly - the honest truth is that I really didn't have the experience, mental strength and clarity, to think of such words to say.

I guess the point is that one's use of such eloquence, sincerity, and forwardness is not by accident...It takes lots of pushups, and other heavy lifting, which follows the progressive overload principle.

I almost feel like I am doing a disservice trying to explain it, I prefer to just admire it as I would any other great moment, but I just felt an inclination to say something. It's also very late and my thoughts are becoming scatterbrained. Will definitely bookmark this to visit later

Once again, I am very thankful you have shared that with us 'grinus.

Very :shock: and :idea: and subsequently, very :D and 8-)


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 3:36 pm 
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The process of self-inquiry (Pushups) led me to two things:
My repulsion from women was because of my fear of losing - I felt like I was losing if I didn't get a girl I chosed and if some other random girl would be on my nuts, even if she'd be hot and great and all, I would feel like shit "becuase I lost that one and I'm loser" .
Also my block from drawing men seems to have been mainly because I was afraid to show emotions through men and was myself afraid of showing them because I'm a guy too.

I'm going back to my Matrix Poster Pushup Mat, kthxbb


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:20 pm 
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StephenP wrote:
However with where he's coming from and the reaction I would predict this generates, an onlooking aspiring pua would probably run like mad hell to post *New potently effective pickup line generates insane attraction in only one sentence*
:lol:

The Kidd!! wrote:
fufe wrote:
by the way I was cleaning up my room, I was going through some drawers I havn't for long time and I found big Matrix Revolutions Poster with Neo and Trinity ! :lol:
Really? That's great! :D

Now place it on the ground, face up. Next line yourself up with it longways. Then, put your hands about shoulder width apart lined up so that Neo and Trinity's faces are centered between them...and then do PUSH UPS UNTIL YOUR ARMS FALL OFF. :twisted:

You'll thank me later. 8-)
:lol:

Flow83 wrote:
Ebook explaining the science of the pickup line coming soon. Not $299 not $99 but only $37!!!!!!!
Where do I sign up!! Do you want my email??


I have a feeling to write this fufe.
Look for the game you play with yourself.

I teased myself with the idea of growth/power/etc for a long time.
I went round and round.
Pere said it before somewhere on this forum about 'letting it go', it could take time or it could happen instantly. The choice is truly yours.


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:34 pm 
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TheDude wrote:
I have a feeling to write this fufe.
Look for the game you play with yourself.

I teased myself with the idea of growth/power/etc for a long time.
I went round and round.
Pere said it before somewhere on this forum about 'letting it go', it could take time or it could happen instantly. The choice is truly yours.
Interesting
I don't understand what you mean about the idea of growth/power/etc tho


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:32 am 
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I just teased myself about "enlightenment". That would be a better word. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 4:38 pm 
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TheDude wrote:
I just teased myself about "enlightenment". That would be a better word. :)
You mean about what enlightenment is ?
I get where are you pointing with the game that I play with myself to.. My depressive self-destructive thoughts were a game really, I gotta discover the blueprint of the "women" issue :lol:
I think both Altair and Alchemist said that if you ask enough questions and spend enough time with it, it will show up.. So I gotta go on with it..


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 3:58 am 
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Ya, when your ready you're READY!
fufe wrote:
You mean about what enlightenment is ?
No. I teased myself about changing myself from deep within (transformation). I would scratch the surface and then turn my back on it. I would feel good and then believe I changed on a deep level, but I didn't change at all. Just more bandages where put on.


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 Post subject: Re: Update Wednesday
PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 11:09 am 
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TheDude wrote:
No. I teased myself about changing myself from deep within (transformation). I would scratch the surface and then turn my back on it. I would feel good and then believe I changed on a deep level, but I didn't change at all. Just more bandages where put on.
Yeah, I am building defences from bad emotions etc, I see it now but it's fucking hard to trick and get past :evil: It feels they reinforced in time, not dissolved :roll:


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