Natural Freedom

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 Post subject: It may never happen
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 3:10 pm 
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So I had a profound realization today (so rare in my case) that shifted the perspective of what I'm doing a bit.

A lot of, if not all, anxiety/depression/anger was based around the fact that I knew I wasn't the person I wanted to be. I closed up in front of women out of fear of exposing that. I bragged in front of people to make sure that people didn't see that. Subconsciously, I had this preconceived notion of when I'd be "acceptable" and anything short of that would lead to a negative shitstorm in my head.

So I had to accept it. Truly accept the fact that I might never become good with women. People might not like me when I'm myself, and I may have to be alone for the rest of my life. Those are real possibilities. Closing them off and trying to avoid them might have been a noble goal in self-preservation, but one doomed to fail. Sacrificing my mental well-being for what I want to be seen as has sucked and hasn't worked. It's been counter-productive, actually.

I just haven't gotten that ever since I joined here (funnily enough, when a lot of this negativity started). Layer underneath layer, it was all a way to change the external world. Every averted eye contact, mumbled hello and biting my tongue. I thought the negativity was a reaction to swallowing the red pill, that it would go away. But if the end result was always dissatisfaction with others' reality, this would keep on persisting.

So yes, I might be perceived as a loser or weird person for the rest of my days if I express myself genuinely. I might discover that my true passions have nothing to do with what I've done with my life up to this point.

Or I might not. But I'm slowly lowering the amount of fucks I give about that.

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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 4:16 pm 
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Location: Czech Republic
I know you most probably don't care... But I'm excited to hear what are your true passions :geek:


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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 8:06 pm 
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I do care and I've been thinking about that a lot. All I've come up with is playing sports/lifting and writing. Odd combination, but it's what I naturally do at 100% effort, what I enjoy doing and what makes time pass really quickly.

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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 8:41 pm 
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moose35 wrote:
I do care and I've been thinking about that a lot. All I've come up with is playing sports/lifting and writing. Odd combination, but it's what I naturally do at 100% effort, what I enjoy doing and what makes time pass really quickly.

Fair.. I also like writing, stories or something else ?
I also had, like, always, had ideas how to put together scenes/images from my head with music, so I decided it's time to acknowledge for myself that I may be naturally inspired to make music videos.. Game music videos first, it seems
The possibility of translating emotion through game and music is intriquing to me :geek:

If I told you sports and writing combination is like blue and green, how weird would you think of me ? :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 11:16 pm 
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That is the biggest fear.

I actually AM (broken, a loser, will never be good at this) at the core - and there is NOTHING I can do about it.

So it's easier to just keep putting things off, half working, not really going in there because.. what if that's true?

Well - what if?

And, if it IS true, wouldn't you want to know, for sure? Then you wouldn't have to spend all this time worrying about how to change it and you could start accepting it.

Since that is the biggest fear, if you don't accept it as a real possibility and face it directly, then, obviously, you will never face your deepest fears. You'll continue to scratch the surface over and over again, grooving on the drama of the highs and lows because hey, maybe THIS time it will change.

When you get the answer from the deepest place inside of yourself, through all the things you least want to look at, you will KNOW it. You won't have a better mental understanding of it, you won't have yet another aha insight to the way things (probably) work, you will KNOW it.

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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 11:53 pm 
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Location: The side of a mountain somewhere...
Flow wrote:
That is the biggest fear.

I actually AM (broken, a loser, will never be good at this) at the core - and there is NOTHING I can do about it.

So it's easier to just keep putting things off, half working, not really going in there because.. what if that's true?

Well - what if?

And, if it IS true, wouldn't you want to know, for sure? Then you wouldn't have to spend all this time worrying about how to change it and you could start accepting it.

Since that is the biggest fear, if you don't accept it as a real possibility and face it directly, then, obviously, you will never face your deepest fears. You'll continue to scratch the surface over and over again, grooving on the drama of the highs and lows because hey, maybe THIS time it will change.

When you get the answer from the deepest place inside of yourself, through all the things you least want to look at, you will KNOW it. You won't have a better mental understanding of it, you won't have yet another aha insight to the way things (probably) work, you will KNOW it.
My name is Meraki, and I approve this message.

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho


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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 7:03 am 
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Not trying to shift your emotions as much will also help you.

For example if you feel unhappy, and there is nothing you can do about it. Embrace it, the more you allow them to flow the easier everything becomes.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."


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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 7:11 am 
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Altair wrote:
Not trying to shift your emotions as much will also help you.

For example if you feel unhappy, and there is nothing you can do about it. Embrace it, the more you allow them to flow the easier everything becomes.
YES.

"I'm not supposed to be unhappy" is just extra baggage. The embracing of it IS the thing to do about it ;)

Obsessively trying to prevent something that has already happened is quite insane.

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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:28 am 
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Location: Czech Republic
I thought we should investigate why are we unhappy and find it out within...


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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 11:15 am 
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Nah I read and interpreted in differently as it was meant and I can't edit the post
I agree


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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 12:11 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:51 pm
Posts: 2046
Location: Laniakea Supercluster
Everything we ever think about is coming from
our previous programming.

Condensed feelings cause thoughts.

Just let go.

I am a "Surrendor" by nature.

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 Post subject: Re: It may never happen
PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 11:22 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:51 pm
Posts: 2046
Location: Laniakea Supercluster
What I am saying that you might be thinking
from a scarcity mindset. Scarcity in relationships
is nothing but a myth. It had to be trained into your
mind in order to manifest.

Abundance is natural. You´ll actually have to work hard
to stay in scarcity.

//

A powerful change in your own growth will empower first and
foremost you, and also precessional effect is that it empowers
those around you. We can think win-win.

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