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| Sort of a realization http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=3140 |
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| Author: | Aragorn [ Sat Mar 30, 2013 3:35 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Sort of a realization | |
I was idling on the internet, and read a sentence about the Illuminati. That sent me on this train of thought, which I felt like writing down. Felt manic in a way.
Illuminati is a myth. People who believe are usually angry (truth: I am usually angry and believe. I saw this just before posting and this led me to fix all the upcoming THEY ARE'S/PEOPLE ARE with I AM, I). I am angry because I don't lead a fulfilling life. I feel like I am living, hence live, an unfullfilling livfe is because I feel I am lacking something. This feeling causes me to feel empty. I want to fill this hole, because I am afraid of it. It reminds me of a certain fear of death. I don't know that there is nothing missing inside. This leads to more panic and confusion -->more frantic/panicked behavior. That is also the difference between pure logic/emotions -->emotions arise out of lack, logic is content to process information (most effective but mainly useful). That is why trusting yourself and letting go is so difficult. It could lead to completely abandoning a belief. Abandoning belief -->lack. Fear of loss. The deathening fear of loss is there because you think holding on to a certain way of looking at the world will make it go away (emptyness). You fear change (because there has been so much of it). They are what have made me...me. All of it. The ones I've abandoned and the ones I have. Some of those I will probably lose in the future. Shit will change. I could end up hating my best friend tomorrow. Part of the reason I feared this kind of negative change is because I was afraid it would be my fault. That I could have prevented it with different action. So I hesitantly wait, afraid to take responsibility. Trusting myself is the start. And the start before trusting myself is knowing, and accepting what I see. I do the same to other people I trust. So that's where it starts for me. I'm going to work on my self-esteem now. It's a direction I want to take myself. Nathaniel Branden seems to have a lot to say on the subject. Things like accepting yourself, being more present, being purpose driven (I was afraid of that because finding a purpose could mean losing other things in my life which stand in the way of it). He seems to have a lot to say on the subject. Right now it just feels like I'm writing my own story, which is cool. This is also the reason why I am finally fully committed to have an at least 90 day celibacy challenge (which is basically a no masturbation challenge at this point). Going to resist acting on/committing to urges and be alright having them. It seems like a lesson that I need to learn. Could also teach me something about space when interacting with women, when I'm not compulsively trying and quickly being frustrated at not being able to make them do what I want (I realize that sounds harsh, but it kind of feels like the reason I was so angry at them. Like they as a whole hurt me in some way, because it's some urge that hasn't been met. Like a weird ego thing.) That's all for now. Hope you guys are doing well and I hope that made at least some sense. |
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| Author: | StephenP [ Sat Mar 30, 2013 6:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sort of a realization |
Sounds good man! One of the better lessons to learn is that getting what you desire isn't all roses and sunny days. No matter what it is that you think will make you happy there also comes some drawbacks that you will have to deal with. Two sides of the same coin/duality, change, all that. Think having 5 or more chics on rotation is the ultimate boy's dream...remember that ex-girlfriend, yeah it's kind of like dealing with 5 of those at the same time. And I think somewhere inherently in all of us, we know this, and that's why it's so hard for people to change. |
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| Author: | peregrinus [ Sat Mar 30, 2013 10:24 pm ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Sort of a realization | ||
Like they as a whole hurt me in some way, because it's some urge that hasn't been met. Like a weird ego thing.) They did not hurt you.You hurt yourself. Your ego then projected that onto them, as it could not possibly have been due to you.
Could also teach me something about space when interacting with women, when I'm not compulsively trying and quickly being frustrated at not being able to make them do what I want Harsh? no(I realize that sounds harsh, but it kind of feels like the reason I was so angry at them. There is a lesson here for you moose, one that you are all ready to teach yourself. |
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| Author: | Meraki [ Mon Apr 01, 2013 5:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sort of a realization |
Moose - you are clearly on this path for a reason. Don't put it off or shove it out of the way. Delve deep - the discomfort is momentary and passing. Just keep going. Also, I think you're in a place where you could get a lot out of the Balls Project. I joined there back in November, and it takes a while to really get a feel for the thrust of the place and how to go about working with the material, but it is super powerful and really deep, and has helped me a ton. Its different, but very complimentary to what is taught here. You should check it out - I'm pretty sure you won't regret it. |
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