Natural Freedom

I just realized that I focus to much on kick starting these damn processes with these women.

I get stuck in one mode of thought. It's pimp tight, but it's a hindrance and it's the one consistent thing I've always seen after my interactions.

I could have went this way or that way with something.

I'm starting to think it's better not to choose a path too quickly. It may even be better to say fuck the paths.

I'm honestly getting tired of laying down game. It's better to just let things be most of the time.

I always whip out this bazooka, and I get results. However, I think I'm going to just try working with a water pistol for a while.

I'm sure now that I can get the job done without as much heavy lifting on my part.

I've forgotten that less is more in my journey. I just wonder how I can tone everything down and still be stomp down getting mine.

I'm not sure if this answers the whole calibration issue I have, but I'm going to run with the ideas I have right now.

Not really an epiphany or anything. I've really been looking inside though because I want to shorten my maintenance curve.

It's funny that I can see other people's problems on here, but I can't seem to identify my own problems with calibration. No matter how many threads I look at on this forum there really isn't anything new. There's just things that I've forgotten or internalized to the point where it's comprehension before sight recognition. Once in a while, I'll see something that piques my interest that is a fresh perspective on my thoughts.

Took you long enough.

If you truly follow thru on these epiphanies of yours, then you are about to have REALLY good summer.

_________________
EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Maybe, I'm not that confident about it. Actually laying down the big guns will be difficult.

I'm still at crossroad because I don't know what internal process will kick start the change.

It is a time tested fact that once I grasp a concept I just naturally integrate it though.

It seems to be a matter of waiting for the opportunity versus taking the opportunity. I usually take and make opportunities, and it gets results but wears me down.

I can relate in the aspect of being staunch.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum, doing zero and being demanded to put in at least 10%, which I begrudgingly do sometimes, but not without a fight.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."

Check your premises. To be staunch is to resist heavily. You are not on any opposite side.

I'm really still grappling with this shit.

I could use some help.

Today, I start walking out of the door, and I see this female's face and where her eyes are all I see is straight black through the glass window. I pause to get a better look and her pupils are on double time.

It takes 3 seconds for me to get out of shock, and I ask her where she's going before she hits another door to go upstairs and out of eyesight and earshot.

Somehow, we wind up facing each other directly about three feet from each other with her pupils still on blast. I can't remember who walked up first, but I know she walked more than I did.

I move away and she moves away while we're still stalking each other.

For some reason, unlike every other time, it did not occur to me to tell her to take my number down. This was a situation where I did not make an opportunity, and I still didn't capitalize.

The whole shit was so effortless, and I chose not to pick a damn path.

What happened is that my lack of action picked a path for me. Now, I have to wait until I see her again.

I'm starting to think now that everything should be considered an action.

You can't see your best move from your next move until you understand your next move.

It seems in being staunch I just considered every heavily resistive action the best move rather than trying to understand my next move.

It seems the best way isn't to plan out my next move, but understand what the next moves are so that I can be fully present and actually pick my best move as my next move.

In the above case, my best move and what likely should have been my next move since I was nothing to do was to accompany her to see the professor that she was headed to see and saw what other evidence there was to close her.

Lately, I'm coming to the conclusion that following the evidence trail is much more efficient than taking current evidence that is less complete and formulating a decision. I've always just thought about stacking the evidence and using it rather than incorporating evidence while simultaneously using it. Why this seems like the next step is stupid to me. It's more efficient, but it seems like harder work because I haven't done it. It also means going out of my way on occasion to collect that same evidence, which in turn means being less resistant, since I'll sometimes have to literally follow a female while talking to her.

Actually thinking about letting go implies a lot of things.

No, friends is beautiful. I'm not beholden to anyone but myself.

It's funny that when you're being chosen the moment a woman starts seeking rapport and you don't place the focus on her to get in her head that she starts to lose interest unless circumstances dictate that you aren't given the chance.

It's odd how many subtle ways women seek rapport.

I don't understand why a girl I was talking to started masturbating and came, if she was masturbating, after talking to her on the phone and texting her. All I understand is that she was in a sexual mood after our conversation on the phone.

It happened a second time, with another female that was in a sexual mood that told me to call her. I still don't understand why I sat staring at the wall for 30 minutes after she told me she was going to die on the phone. I was still up at 4am and she texted me, and I didn't respond and have no desire to respond to her. I want to say I don't understand why I didn't respond, but I know that I'm not comfortable with the idea of her anymore. She's so insecure about it. I know I've said everything I can say to her about it.

People die....damn.

One word can start a whole chain of conversation with a female that you don't even know is interested in you. I've never seen pupils so big. That's epic. Being interrogated like a terrorist on U.S. soil after starting the conversation is more epic. Witnessing guys actually listen in on your conversation is even more epic. Shit's unreal.

Opportunity is a problem. If you think in terms of opportunity you're stuck waiting a lot. That's cool if you don't mind waiting even for a woman that's interested in you. The sad part is that you don't have control over opportunity. I don't want to think about problems I can't solve because some problems don't have a solution, but I still think about opportunity every now and then. The key must be not stressing it. Recounting the number of times that I've missed opportunities because I didn't see them is connected to why I see opportunity as a problem. It sucks that looking for opportunities attaches you to them and makes you miss them.

Cloaking is tough, but a crucial part of being smooth. Being smooth feels good.

Fluid thoughts are tough.

I value clear thoughts. They really help you speak clearly. A clear mind is a terrible thing to waste and tough thing to do.

I forget so much. A cloudy mind is the culprit.

I know you wrote this only for yourself, but I will add something Slim Titan.

I too, used to view all interaction with girls as opportunities and this automatically attached me to the outcome. It was automatic; future plans, how the friends would see me, how she will buy me things and all that shit (I don't know your future projections, because that's why you see opportunities).

The shift in perception happened when I let go of the attachment and just interacted in the moment, no plan, no agenda, no cop and blow, just fun and desarticulated interaction. Just listening and observing the female and what she really wanted to say or communicate to me was more important that what I wanted. You didn't miss something, if you don't want anything. Thus, you are just observing.

Another thing. You obviously saw the oportunities. If you haven't even noticed them, you could not remember them. The after the fact is that you ignored your gut, and you felt decieved by your ego. That's why I think The Kidd!! says: Trust your gut. Because if you hesitate...

...
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_________________
GMST

Every inaction must be an action, a choice of ours.

Strategy doesn't exist linearly. The best strategists set the beat, but mostly adapt to flexible, unpredictable situations and people. Strategy = Vision, or goal. Tactics = How to achieve the strategy. But tactics spawn from the strategy, adapting to surroundings, occurrences and just by...being. My successes come from this mentality. My failures comes from attempting to lay down a direct path from A to B and sticking to it no matter what.
Problems were never meant to be solved, just moved on from. There's a difference in approach. One will drive you crazy, the other will allow you to actually resolve. Viewing from the vantage point of 'I am the problem, not this or that', often resolves issues for me. This is because each 'problem' is just an experience, and when you want to move on from an experience you will have the capacity to find a way.

Many think we create opportunity ourselves, but we don't. We can't! We can only see them, maybe even catch them before they pass by. But with a sharper perspective, we see them with more clarity, and then it's down to our speed of action as to whether we take the opportunity.

''Opportunities multiply as they are seized''.

As for paths? A man of knowledge once said(paraphrasing) that a path is only a path. They all lead nowhere eventually. We're always taking paths, because every action is a path, and that is unavoidable. The question the sets us apart is asking,'Does the path have heart?'. If it does, take it. If not, jump off and take another one. You'll know the correct one because it'll be easy to take. Paths without heart make you work hard.

I get that you wrote this for yourself, due to your own understanding, but this is my input.

@Leo, Carlos Castaneda? I had an interesting synchronicity related to his work. One of the letting go mental exercises I was trying out a few months ago (when I had a lot to let go of) had me kind of automatically move my head from side to side. The same day, I decided to look him up and found that one of his exercises had you do the same thing. Strange stuff. I went through most of his work after that. (Btw, interestingly enough, the Wachowski's also included a reference to him in Cloud Atlas).

If you want a more science backed less drugs version I recommend Stephen Davis's book 'Butterflies are free to fly': http://butterfliesfree.com/
It's a whole new level of letting go. Imo, much of his theories can be Occam's razor'ed out but the core is very interesting. I'm trying out living like that for now. Had a couple of incidences which seem to tell me that it's true. One was a last minute project that kind of saved my situation, which came from nowhere. Another was a bit of money direct deposited into my bank account, which I'd specifically 'asked the universe' a few weeks prior as proof. It was a small amount but still completely unexpected. Had quite a few events of the universe showing me what I needed to see after that, basically by listening to my gut and going on auto-pilot. I'm still undecided though, since I have quite a few life challenges which seem nowhere near getting close to resolution. But definitely feel more at peace, even if not happy.

That's right. The exercise you refer to is re-capitulation. You don't have to take it literally though, just the essence will do(reviewing your whole life, recognising what is your responsibility and what people did to you, then 'letting go' what doesn't belong to you - if you don't go after your ghosts they will go after you etc).

I don't want to hi-jack this guy's thread though.

Just to clarify, I was doing an exercise I had come up with on my own, found myself doing the head thing, was saying to myself 'why am i moving my head', then got an urge to look up Carlos and then read a page with his version of the exercise, describing the same head movement thing. Very freaky. Anyway, so far, I only ever felt the need to do it once.

The only things I write in this thread are what I'm actually living.

I've made peace with opportunity.....It's hard for me to get attached.

I'm only going through my mind to connect my thoughts with my current experiences to speed up my maintenance curve.

Today is beautiful day. A woman stopped by that has seen me in the mail room before and knows me from living in the same dorm as me. She wanted to mail a postcard...there was a mail box placed by the post office outside the building. Most people know we don't send mail...as I called her back she turned around and went into a frenzy digging in her purse...She pulled out a pen...we talked...I told her to take my number...she started to write it down and then said, "oh, I can put it in my phone"....we talked some more....and she interrupted me to after typing in her phone for the number.....5 seconds later...a person walked up to pick up a package...interaction over.

I was fine letting her go....just as I was fine letting the female go that drew a picture of a penis as a signature for her package that showed up afterwards....It didn't dawn on me that that was the picture until she had walked away....She did that very quickly....I'll see her again and there will more explicit evidence that I can recognize faster.

15 minutes ago, a woman found me....I wasn't ready....but I was prepared. Preparation means lack of hesitation...I didn't reciprocate to her greeting.....You always get a great view walking in opposite directions of a woman....I checked out her ass...not to check out her ass....but to see the way she was walking....It's fucking retarded that I knew she would turn around and look at me....That was the opening....I can't remember what I said to her...but she closed physical space as much as me....even with her son on his bike....I was still the center of attention. She took my number. This is a great learning experience....because just as I was ending that conversation....A guy turned up in my peripheral vision...I thought it might be her husband since she was wearing a ring...but it turned out to be someone I know....that gave me the chance to end the conversation abruptly without having to show grace....and at the same time show the appreciation I can have for a person that I know....It is also not coincidence that I cut a conversation short with a woman that stared at me from across the field before I saw her....There was nothing worth while in that interaction.

It's time to lay my qualms with opportunity to rest and digest the carcass.

These women are like buses. If you miss one. Take the wrong one. Get off one. Don't like the way one looks. There's always another one coming.

Getting chose is so natural and diverse. Proper preparation is key.

Good man

_________________
EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Had a few dreams that threw me off the early start I wanted on school work today because I wanted to explore them some more.

Finally getting my mind back together after the news dropped on me this week.

Haha, saw the girl that drew the penis as a signature again. Brought it to her attention, when she did it again, that it wasn't a signature. Received a toothy smile with her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth and a, "it's good enough." Girls a total undercover freak. I'll cop next time she's around.

Haven't heard from any of my cops this week. They must have been weaker than I thought.

Yesterday, I missed 2-3 cops excluding "penis girl."

I'm glad. I wasn't in the mood or the mindset to cop.

Turns out the female I saw with the kid is definitely married. I thought she might have a ring, but I can't be sure if I saw one. I saw the same child out with a man yesterday. She must think that she has to make a choice between me and the man she is with. Bygones are bygones. If I had of known I would have packaged what I said to her so that she knows she doesn't have to choose.

I wonder if I told her that I'll be here during the summer. Either way, I still expect to hear from her in the next 7-8 months. Either way, the seed is planted that I'll be graduating soon so my rising clout will be on her mind. She talked about me getting a "good" job.

Confidence is a nasty little angel. It just makes you feel so sure, and I haven't been wrong lately.

AND THE ONLY BITCH I NEED IS THE BITCH I AIN'T GOT ALREADY...cuz I'm cool with if she wants me, but I never needed a woman except the woman that spat me out.......

Getting ready to lose my mother is some other shit.

I'm hungry as hell....but food ain't satisfying and I ain't been thirsty since 2011.

Edit:

My homeboy's mind is finally back to it's full spring and he's better than ever.......I can't believe how much he cloaks his knowledge about women. Habitual lying as motherfucker....finally realized that just because I don't talk about the women I'm involved with like a little school girl doesn't mean I don't have some knowledge to break off.

Funny how he wants to get as much information as he can from me....but I'm steady evaluating what he has to put into the mix.

Feels good to have a like minded person in real life that I think I can trust to talk with about getting what you want out of life.

Feels like he learned some new things since his near death experience and being paralyzed.

I'm about to find out what that is...

Last night was real learning experience....I distributed my number to 4 of the women that I thought were in my fan club. Each interaction was different. In my efforts not to be staunch I think I overstepped my boundaries.

I hit my boy up and he tells me that a dorm popping. I go there and actually go to the wrong place in the dorm and think he's bullshitting. Lol, I tell him I'm not going back out when he tells me the exact location.

Then, a female pops up from the party that's going on in my dorm's basement. I'm sitting on the main steps that are in front of the main door. Everybody passes through there. She looks at me and doesn't say anything. She's talked to me twice now. Before I saw her, I saw another female that I think is in my fan club. I say what's up to her and she vocalizes how she's surprised that I remember her (I don't remember her name). She's headed back to the dorm that I just left, and I wanted a good reason to go back. So, I start following the evidence trail. This bitch is drunk. I ask her about the paper and followup with a major story that the school ran. She goes on about the story all the way over to the dorm. Interestingly, when we get to the dorm she gets silent but not the quiet silent. I float around in and out of the party. She goes off with one of her female friends and two males. I contemplate figuring out where she went, but the fact that she just left the party that she came with me to counts for something.

I make my way back to my dorm. As I walk in, the girl I saw before her walks past me. I'm literally on the second floor steps, after picking up my head phones, to go grab a bite to eat. She greets me for the second time this night. I walk into the bathroom and try to talk to her, but the other guys are overbearing. I shut the fuck up. Then I ask her about buying some weed. She says she plans to smoke and tells me to follow her. I show her to another girl's room that has some weed. The plan falls through. I'm not giving a fuck now, and I walk upstairs. While playing with my phone on the way upstairs. I see the female that walked me over to other dorm.

I think I have enough evidence on her so I tell her to take my number down. She has a toothy smile hanging with her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth just like the "penis girl" from earlier while she enters my number into her phone. She asks me my last name. The girl that told me to follow her comes up the stairs. I ask her where she's going and she says to smoke. She tells me to follow her again. I chit chat with her fat friend and tell her fat friend some pimpish shit about why she should get with this guy that she likes using myself as an example. We make it to their dorm. Apparently, this second female is a freshman. She decides to actually mix tobacco with the weed. She hasn't smoked tobacco in 3 months. I stack that, but it is a higher probability that she's doing it from the low amount of weed.

We smoke and she wants to look for more. I tell her to get rid of the can of beer that she has but doesn't listen. A staff member takes it from her. I'm getting high right now, and I'm about ready to call my night quits. I tell her to take my number down so we can smoke sometime. She asks me my last name. I can't get a look at her face because I'm walking behind her. Two down and I don't feel good about the closes because they didn't text me immediately.

We make it to another party, and I start hanging with a friend I know. I see number three in my fan club. After taking an embarrassing shot of cheap tequila. I strike up a conversation with her about the last time I saw her. She tells me something about her glass art. I ask, "are you a cutter." She asks me what I mean. In my mind, I'm shitting on myself about this projection. I compiled information that I thought was relevant to her and assimilated it with a personal projection. I go into how she's always by herself when I see her, doesn't talk to people, etc. She smiles a really deep toothy smile. Then she holds the conversation for about 10 minutes. I mostly remember her saying that she's not a cutter. It is not coincidence that she is wearing a leather jacket similar to the one I'm wearing when she hasn't worn a leather jacket all spring.

I step outside to blaze again. I do a quick 180 to see if people from the party are looking. number three is staring directly at me, but I look through her and turn around. She literally jumps and skips outside. She brushes up against me and holds the position for a few seconds. I take a hit. This female that I know was in my fan club that I fucked up with about 6 months ago is getting too wasted and too high. I see some problems developing. I walk inside after having a cigarette. I plan on leaving the party now.

I see number three again. I go up to her and tell her to take my number down. The eye contact is so strong. I'm so high I slurr my words, but I don't budge.

Her: let me get my phone
Her: I can't find my phone. Take my number.
Her: let me see if I can find my phone.
Her: I can't find my phone.
Her: I'll see you around.
Her: We see each other a lot around campus.

I never break eye contact. I never got a chance to speak. So, I just politely nod my head in a knowing way and she reciprocates my head nod. This is the second moment we had. The first moment happened when we first talked, and I asked if she was a cutter.

My gut tells me that she didn't want me because I was drunk. I saw her look at her right pocket in her peripheral vision. I also know that's where her phone was located because she brushed up against me to put it in her pocket after exchanging numbers with the female that told me to follow her to the party. She didn't go through her right pocket.

Interestingly, I think number two and number three only exchanged numbers because number two saw how similar I looked to number three because we were wearing similar leather jackets. Number two said something about fashion. I'm never slacking on my looks and neither does number three.

I leave the party. I'm so high now that I decided to sit down and collect my thoughts.

Then I see the female from this story.

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... =20#p29412

She, number four comes thundering down the steps. She's wearing a leather jacket similar to mine too. This is not coincidence. She never wears leather jackets. I banter with her. She goes to drop off a couple beers to the party downstairs and comes back upstairs.

She wants to make up for that cigarette she borrowed. I tell her that we can share one. My lungs are on reserve right now.

My assessments from the previous thread prove to be true as she tells me she has a boyfriend. We talk, and I can't remember about what.

I tell her to take my number down. She asks me my last name.

I say, "this is has been coming for a long time." and stick my finger under her chin to kiss her. She pulls back really quick. However, she didn't recoil to my finger. I shouldn't have closed space like that.

"She says I can't because I told you I have a boyfriend." I tell that I know, "I only want be friends. I never wanted a relationship with you in the first place. I think that friendship has to come first because friendship is the basis of any good relationship."

She agrees with me and says, "all awkwardness aside I'm sending you this text."

My gut told me to kiss her and it couldn't have been wrong. Only how I executed it could have been wrong. She asks if I want anymore of the cigarette. I tell her that I already said no, "When I say something or do something. I mean what I say and do what I mean to do."

She says, "that's a good liberal to live by"

I make my way back to my dorm.

Every time I wanted to end my night definitively. Another one of my fans kept popping up.

I don't think any of my cops are strong. Strangely I feel best about the one that didn't take my number.

I'm going to continue working out this staunchness.

Fuck I'm tired. I got a day off tomorrow. I should process everything that has transpired over the last few days tomorrow.

1. I learned on Saturday that being comfortable in your body is something that you should be aware of. It's not like I'm totally uncomfortable, but I ditched the place I was told was good because I didn't see anyone I knew and didn't think I was invited. This goes with my idea of not being in a place where I'm not wanted, but it also goes against the idea of being comfortable in my own body.

2. K.I.S.S. = Keep It Simple Stupid
The more I started collected on my fans the more simple everything got. I don't think I presented evidence one time.

3. attachment presents itself in the worst ways.

4. Exercising the use of space is not difficult to do, but it is difficult to master.

Today, everything seemed to wrap together. Each time I was presented with a female in my fan club. I was attached to going in and closing. However, I countered that shit each time. I was like fuck it.

Soooooo, along comes the end of the day. I make peace with not closing any of my fans today. I'm out of fucking cigarettes and broke. I notice something off about the long ass class and ask the professor why there were missing people. I find out one of the people wasn't even in the class to begin with, hahahaha. They were just auditing the class.

I start walking out and this light skinned black female that I never even knew was in my fan club smiles and strikes up a conversation with me about what I said. I ask her if she has any cigarettes. She doesn't but she is heading back to her dorm. Close by. I ask her if I can follow her there and she invites me to come along. The whole way she does most of the talking. After I get my cigarette, she slows down her talking and gets quiet, but not the silent type quiet. I tell her, "you aren't going to share a cigarette with me?" This was not an intentional test on my part.

She just told me that she isn't trying to smoke, but I stack the evidence and proceed. After we're outside she posts up. Damn.......I can't believe she got more comfortable than me. She's holding back a little smile. She carries the conversation again. Then she turns the conversation to class. However, I'm not really interested in the topic. She asks me what I'm doing this weekend, time one. I tell her something that I forgot.

She goes on about the class. She can tell that I'm totally disinterested. She quiets down. I tell her that I'm about to leave and to take my number down. She asks me the number, repeating each of the digits as I tell them to her. After taking my number down, she asks me what I'm doing tonight. She asks me what I'm doing this weekend for the second time. She asks me how I usually spend my weekends. I tell her that I spend them alone, but I stay social.

She finally looks up from her phone and gives a toothy smile with a thumbs up.

Her text reads, "Heyo! xxxxxxx "

Good start to the week.

Dammit! Getting fluid is tough. I still come up with much better stuff to say in a text message than I do face-to-face.

Not going to sweat it. It must come naturally with tons of experience.

Getting resistance with every female that's been obliged to use the number I gave them.

I realized that my vision isn't as great as I thought it was. There seem to be more and more women that my gut or stacked evidence tells me that likes me that I miss in my routine observations.

I'm thinking %20 percent less now. It's a start!

I still feel like I'm staunch though.

I tried helping my boy steal the ball with a female and realized that I gave him some really staunch shit to say. Helps being a 3rd person observer.

Funny thing is. Her attitude changed towards him immediately. She got all emotional and started trying to end mental sparring, but he wanted to go to war. What you say is important, but how you say it must temper it's receptivity.

The packaging on what I said was nice, but the content was still staunch although good content.

I like my initial thought about the situation. "Leave her alone so that you can decide where and when the conflict begins and ends."

He finally came to the same realization that I was trying to communicate to him earlier to leave her alone. I think he just got tired of answering my riddles about what to do, or he was trying to see how effective I am with women.

At any rate, I realized how important it is to lose a battle sometimes to win a war.

I do want to get to the point where I have everything running at lightspeed/near instantaneous response.

Helping him, I realized how much my vision can possibly change from each thing a woman says. Sometimes sharp. Sometimes gradual. It really depends. I realized how conditional I've started thinking albeit still being staunch thinking.


Question: When comes to mental warfare with a woman, should you immediately concede defeat to the battle or should you wage war and let it come to a head and then concede defeat? I know this is a very conditional question.

Grinus...Kidd any answers?