Man things on this forum seem to be popping up in my life lately.

I got in a fight with my dad and that brought stuff up. Unfortunately I accepted guilt. I know he tried and had a tough childhood, but that doesn't mean it's ok for him to lass out in bitterness. I justified his behavior, but its not justified we all have problems. If I were to do it it's not justified.

When my dad calls me selfish, lately I feel like just saying yep, I'm selfish and walking away. I love him cause he's my dad, and all he's sacrificed, but it's not my fault. I'm selfish, but I'm tired of being made out to feel like the most selfish person in the world. The stuff my parents said to me... Like my mom I remember saying something like your going to be a murder or your like one because I was rude or defiant. Whyyy would you ever say that to your kid. What purpose does that accomplish. Why must you take your issues out on your kids. The made me feel good and loved and yet, other times like I was and evil psychopath.

Parents do a lot of damage.

I'm sorry but I don't understand what you mean there, that I was supposed to hear it ?

self·ish
adjective \ˈsel-fish\:
having or showing concern only for yourself and not for the needs or feelings of other people

When my dad calls me selfish...but I'm tired of being made out to feel like the most selfish person in the world.

That he sees that you are having issues, that you gotta be careful/ have to learn not to rely & depend (emotionally) on someone other than yourself (girlfriend). He made the possible consequences pretty clear.

Imagine he just made your doppelgänger up.

One thing I noticed in my introspections was how the negative patterns spanned generations.

My parents, particularly my father had a certain dynamic between his mother and father and chose a mate that recreated the events in his childhood and thus passed that dynamic onto me kinda like a virus.

Be aware of that.

This Be The Verse By Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

My sister never gave a single fuck about them, and if she washed the dishes once my parents thought it was a blessing. I was completely mannipulated by them to feel guilty if I did anything I WANTED TO, that wasn't benefiting to them.

so rekieter,
I'm curious...

How\why did your sister get a free pass while you got all the guilt trips and etc?

Any person who cares the least has the power.
Guilt does not need specific targets, and will damage
those who accept it.

I'm right with u guys. I don't know where I would be at today if I didn't have the knowledge I do now. Just from YouTube videos and forums like this my life is really becoming something I didn't even know was possible. I now have this understanding of myself and life in general that has given me peace of mind and faith in myself. But there was a lot of dark days

It's totally normal, I had my relapses too...

No one has prepared us for 'the real world'\reality...

however once you know the truth and accept it life becomes easier. Since you know that everything is just about 'value' it's hard to take rejection or an ending of a relationship (doesn't matter if it's with a girl or with a good friends) seriously and... you don't have to put a lot of energy into satisfying people which bring no value into your life.

I can't remember how many times in my life I spent so much energy trying to please others that gave me no value or the times I got pissed off when friendships ended when I did nothing 'bad'.

Now that everything is clear I save so much time, energy and peace of mind...