Natural Freedom

Forum for the natural awakening and self-realization of men
It is currently Fri Mar 29, 2024 5:42 am

All times are UTC+01:00




Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1 2 »
Author Message
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 1:17 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 10:37 am
Posts: 531
So as I was repeatedly beaten over the head with "back to mental push-ups";) I went back to my "cave" and confronted my demons.

I realized there is this part of me that now I call "victim". Everytime that something went really wrong I put myself in a victim position. I know when and how this persona developed. My mother suffers from terrible inferiority complex and my dad was totally immature back when I was young. Literaly i felt like i am the only adult in the house - I was 9 back then. I had to deal with their issuess ( talking to them, telling them what they should do etc) up till my 20s. Whatever I did was always too little, there were others who were doing it better, never have heard any word of encouragement from them. My sister never gave a single fuck about them, and if she washed the dishes once my parents thought it was a blessing. I was completely mannipulated by them to feel guilty if I did anything I WANTED TO, that wasn't benefiting to them. "I feel nervous becouse of you, I 'm sick how can you do it" etc. for first 20 years of my life straight. I don't know what is the term in english but literal translation of this mannipulation technic is "emotional blackmail". I was so stumped I was literally afraid to go out, because I felt worthless. Imagine 11 old brat literally shiting his pants becouse he got B instead of A. It happened to me.

Everything my parents did was to mask the shit that goes inside the house from my neighbours. They even used this technic on me when I moved to other city, throwing their issuess on me and I couldn't fight them. This was why I developed neurosis (it is finally gone), it also was the factor that ruined my relationships (the one with my famous ex too:D). Now I see what they were doing and last week when they tried to do it again I told them everything. They tried to do it once more so I just hanged up, and didn't answer their calls for 2 weeks. When they called me later on they were apologizing etc, but I told them not to do it, I just let them know that if this happens once more, next time they will hear from me or see me would be christmas 2020.

Becouse of this outlook I realized what was the basic problem. I remember that my mother always complained that her parents did it to her. she told that she had to think about everything, taking care of her younger siblings etc. She did the same thing to me. I love her but here is were this cycle will stop.

Ok so what I did i just embraced that kid in me, and it changed my with completely. Irealized that I was always thinking about someone else, not thinking about me. People would take advantage of this and abuse it. I am master of my life, if I won't let anyone to mannipulate me, i will be happy. I have one life and I want to thrive. I love my parents, but I spent 20 years of my life being a toy or terapist to them depending on situation and it is time for them to grow up. I realized that I didn't take the responsibility for my actions, I developed this defence mechanism during my teens. I felt like I needed someone to understand me and why I do it, but the only person needed is ME. I see clearly through peoples' bullshit now, I noticed how fucked up are most of the relationships that people are in.

I started 90 days challenge - no porn/sex/jerking - and now it is 22nd day - it is harder than quiting smokes. Libido went won to ZERO, but from what I hear it is normal.

To be continued

_________________
Laying on the floor in a pool of blood and cum
My demons lay beside as I kiss them one by one
Then on that day I met a force that nothing will compare
I was born the son of evil when I fuck the devil there!


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 4:51 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun May 08, 2011 10:23 pm
Posts: 186
Location: the village
Quote:
my mother always complained that her parents did it to her
Quote:
embraced that kid in me
good start but you have to go deeper.
Quote:
no porn/sex/jerking
if its working for you and you are happy with result, carry on....

be prepared to confrontation things you dont want to face and try to see bigger picture.

_________________
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor E. Frankl


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:49 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:55 pm
Posts: 3428
Location: Canada
One thing I noticed in my introspections was how the negative patterns spanned generations.

My parents, particularly my father had a certain dynamic between his mother and father and chose a mate that recreated the events in his childhood and thus passed that dynamic onto me kinda like a virus.

Be aware of that.

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 5:23 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3337
Location: UK
"our parents, they fuck us up"

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:55 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 6:49 am
Posts: 5112
Morpheus wrote:
One thing I noticed in my introspections was how the negative patterns spanned generations.

My parents, particularly my father had a certain dynamic between his mother and father and chose a mate that recreated the events in his childhood and thus passed that dynamic onto me kinda like a virus.

Be aware of that.
I was a partial victim to that as well, as my 1st baby moms is pretty much my mom reincarnated...just awful. Luckily I managed to see it in time (sort of) and made sure that my next one (current baby moms) is NOTHING like my mom. The hilarious thing is, that my mom HATED my ex but LOVES my current...I guess opposites DO attract! :lol:

_________________
EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 7:52 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 2:06 am
Posts: 1173
Location: Foundation/Root
peregrinus wrote:
"our parents, they fuck us up"
Literally for me.

rekeiter, I understand.

_________________
"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:05 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun May 08, 2011 10:23 pm
Posts: 186
Location: the village
Prodigy wrote:
peregrinus wrote:
"our parents, they fuck us up"
Literally for me.

rekeiter, I understand.
or.... they giving us some kind of negative emotion to push our self to start changing.... now is our choice to do it or not :geek:

_________________
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor E. Frankl


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:44 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 2:06 am
Posts: 1173
Location: Foundation/Root
panoramix wrote:
Prodigy wrote:
peregrinus wrote:
"our parents, they fuck us up"
Literally for me.

rekeiter, I understand.
or.... they giving us some kind of negative emotion to push our self to start changing.... now is our choice to do it or not :geek:
Perhaps....
when I was younger I was apart of the cadets, my mother was away in the states and I was living with dad. he is "sir chase a lot", any wayz, I was steadily working my way up the ranks. when it was time for me to go on camping trips, daddy dear told me that I couldn't go, I was to stay home and run shop while he ran the street. after not taking part in numerous camping based activities, I had to drop out of the cadets.

I can go on...
Daddy dear used to fuck my mom's cousin, she was a thieving bitch. when shit came up missing and even with evidence to show that it was the wench, guess who was still accused of the Crime? "ding, ding, ding" "you are correct sir"
I can go on.
me now, I love him cuz he's my father, but beyond that....nah no love.
my mother used fear to control me for a verrrrrrrrrrrrrry long time.

I had self esteem and confidence issues because even though they weren't perfect, they tried to BEAT perfection into me.it is only now that I listen to them when they speak and learn about their childhood and upbringing, that I can kind of understand them.

_________________
"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:34 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun May 08, 2011 10:23 pm
Posts: 186
Location: the village
well... like men to men, face to face... we all had the same problem. maybe you need more time to understand it that there is no men that can read your destiny.

_________________
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor E. Frankl


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:07 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:55 pm
Posts: 3428
Location: Canada
panoramix wrote:
well... like men to men, face to face... we all had the same problem. maybe you need more time to understand it that there is no men that can read your destiny.
Perhaps not, but some can predict it quite well. :lol:

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 1:03 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun May 08, 2011 10:23 pm
Posts: 186
Location: the village
Morpheus wrote:

Perhaps not, but some can predict it quite well. :lol:
ok, lets together go and ask your mama... I wonder what she will say about my future :lol:

_________________
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor E. Frankl


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:09 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 10:37 am
Posts: 531
Don't get me wrong, I love her and I know how much my parents sacrificed to give me proper education. They had problems with themselves. What i wrote may sound bitter but hell, it happened time to move on. At least now I am aware of this kind of behaviour (I suppose I am prone to it as well) and will end the cycle. My mother had to be a parent for her parents too, I don't blame her. Without the internet I wouldn't even realize that you can live differently.

_________________
Laying on the floor in a pool of blood and cum
My demons lay beside as I kiss them one by one
Then on that day I met a force that nothing will compare
I was born the son of evil when I fuck the devil there!


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:38 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:55 pm
Posts: 3428
Location: Canada
panoramix wrote:
Morpheus wrote:

Perhaps not, but some can predict it quite well. :lol:
ok, lets together go and ask your mama... I wonder what she will say about my future :lol:
Your asserted your premise based on a male being able to know someone else's future. To which I responded that some guys can "predict" the future well due to the fact that certain clumps of behavior go together. If you see someone do something you can generally make good conclusions about what it is they're going to do and outlook on life.

The your mother comments are actually a Red Herring :lol:

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:46 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:33 am
Posts: 1845
Location: Czech Republic
Morpheus wrote:

Your asserted your premise based on a male being able to know someone else's future. To which I responded that some guys can "predict" the future well due to the fact that certain clumps of behavior go together. If you see someone do something you can generally make good conclusions about what it is they're going to do and outlook on life.
At school there was a teacher and once he said to me "There was a student, who had the same name as you, looked almost like you.. He didn't like to study too.. He found older girlfriend, then after they broke up he killed himself." And nothing else. I was like "Okay, what am I supposed to do with this ?" He told me nothing other than make sure you won't end up like him.
I remembered this recently, during pushups.. Probably one of the reason why am I so afraid that I will commit suicide - It's totally unrealistic weird nonsense belief, that I don't dare to face directly yet (fearing what, guess..)
... So I just hope this teacher isn't the case of what you are discussing :lol:


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:50 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:55 pm
Posts: 3428
Location: Canada
I know someone who took that route :| .

Life is awesome, ending it of your own volition is a waste.

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:10 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:33 am
Posts: 1845
Location: Czech Republic
Morpheus wrote:
I know someone who took that route :| .

Life is awesome, ending it of your own volition is a waste.
Seeing people do this and that for this or that reason, mostly for others approval... I got to the conclusion, that most people wouldn't be able to handle the fact that them living for other people is not their true.. how to say it, meaning of life ?.. Hence the matrix.. Some seem to so caught up in this living for others (I was too, still am in ways), that they'd most probably gone insane, or even kill themselves, when plugged out.
Being brutally honest with you guys, now... If not for this forum, writing and drawing, I don't know if I'd be here today, if I didn't knew there was way out, I'd probably got stuck in a scary place between matrix and freedom and at best got insane from it, because I'd never be able to swallow the feeling of "Something is not right"


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:34 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 6:49 am
Posts: 5112
So telling that the teacher would share that with YOU. :geek:

_________________
EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:35 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2012 10:37 am
Posts: 531
Prodigy wrote:
only now that I listen to them when they speak and learn about their childhood and upbringing, that I can kind of understand them.
THIS!

_________________
Laying on the floor in a pool of blood and cum
My demons lay beside as I kiss them one by one
Then on that day I met a force that nothing will compare
I was born the son of evil when I fuck the devil there!


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:42 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:33 am
Posts: 1845
Location: Czech Republic
The Kidd!! wrote:
So telling that the teacher would share that with YOU. :geek:
I'm sorry but I don't understand what you mean there, that I was supposed to hear it ?


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:47 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:55 pm
Posts: 3428
Location: Canada
The Kidd!! wrote:
So telling that the teacher would share that with YOU. :geek:
:?

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1 2 »

All times are UTC+01:00


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 22 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to: 

cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Limited