Natural Freedom

After a culmination of events last night, I woke up angry and pissed. Letting myself wallow in this for a while and trusting that it was the right thing to do, I came to a bit of a realization. All my life, up to this point, has been me trying to uncover my default state of unhappiness, fear, and misery. Anger, insecurities...that's all just a byproduct of that.

Getting women? It would cover it up. Getting acknowledged, getting good grades, having a good presentation...all of that was a temporary fix. Even drinking(at parties to feel good)/smoking weed (which I'm in the process of putting off for a couple of months - part of the reason I think this thought came to me. I wasn't lighting up my bong whenever I felt the truth).

So my mission now is to find out why this default state is mysery. I know I can't cover it up though, and I know now that a large part of my anger and depression was not getting happyness from everybody or everything else. I do feel much...I don't know, cleaner and purer, I guess, having found this out.

Peace.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

...and so it begins.

Savor it...you only get to go thru this once.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Yeah

Good thing there are endless other intellectual pursuits to master

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Wait a minute...you're actually sad that you let go of things that were holding you back?

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

Oh boy...DID HE?!?

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

I can relate moose. The rabbit holes just keeps going...I'm working on letting go of my past at the moment, which is inducing a heavy fear inside of me; almost of dying or something like that!
That's interesting. Sometimes I can't wait, almost impatient, to get past all this, but your quote makes me wonder...will I miss these days of hardship and struggle in the future?

Yup. I have memories coming back to me and this crazy fear when the notion of not paying attention to them comes into my head. I understand why that's so, I know the fear is me trying to keep me out of harms way...shit, I even know what that harm is and have relived some crazy childhood memories. I'm gonna let my head chill out for a while and not push it, because I already know the reasons why I wanted to get rid of it.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

To touch more on what you wrote I realized recently my quest to attain "it"
ended me getting in my own way. One of the reasons for that happening was because I wanted it SO bad, but lacked discipline and a few other things I don't need to mention.

Luckily for me I caught on to this destructed habit and am learning to let it flow; i do the work and then get out of the way. In essence let nature do its thing. So far, it's been profoundly beneficial for me.

Have you ever had those moments where just “gave up" (got out of your own way) and because of that things just began to click?

I miss the rush I used to get...I'm kinda accustomed to it now

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."