Natural Freedom

This is a problem that I've noticed a lot during my life. I never want to confront anybody. I feel like confrontations just end in the other person denying it, making a stronger argument than me, or just overwhelming me with an emotional response. Frankly, I'm sick of it.

My friend, who has been my friend for probably 5-6 years is really getting on my nerves. He brings me down most of the time, and lately has just been insulting me and been totally negative towards me. He thinks I'm a jerk to like everyone (I feel there are some projections from him here)... I don't see the people I interact around him having the point of view so whatever. (Side note) I accept that most people misunderstand my actions as I'm pretty monotone and have like no facial expression. I use sarcasm a whole lot and almost nobody can tell lol... A lot of my jokes (dry humor, irony, etc) won't be understood without seeing the emotion/tone either. I like to role play too. I joke around and pretend be a bully, its pretty obvious, and not hurtful. Puffing out my chest and looking silly, pretending like I want your lunch money, etc. I'm indifferent to some degree that I'm misunderstood and apathetic the rest. I want people to at least get what I'm saying. I want to improve communication and felt the need to drift off for whatever reason. I'm trying to justify why I don't believe his perception somewhat and I'm sick of being misunderstood.

Now most things I get angry with him for I do, just to different degrees. Knowing he's just another human being calms my anger a bit. I've kinda had enough now. It doesn't matter what we're talking about, the last little argument was about fitness. Really most of this is just an exchange of energy. I'm really not that great at communicating, and I can back my side up, but seems like nobody wants to listen if I don't sound nice. I do it too, but I am more open now, because of all the times people have done that to me.

I'm sick of being afraid that I'll get crushed in a verbal confrontation. I hate when people get in my face I can't really step back and think logically, I let them make me feel inferior just cause they do that. Yet looking back I can logically argue against their argument. I don't stand my ground well and my mind freezes up and becomes so narrow I just can't see anything but the "threat". I want to say what I like I could later. I'm not that fast on my feet either, nervousness and fear are probably a big part of that. I'm tired of being offended by childish arguments where people simply deny what your saying, attacking your intelligence, or any other forum of demeaning, that accomplishes nothing, but furthers anger. Whatever, be like that, that doesn't help to resolve this problem.

Yeah this has been bothering me for a long time, I'm trying to discover why I avoid any confrontation of any size. I hate the discomfort. Fear, inferiority, all forms of public social punishment. And people that want to fight. I've been lifting for a while I'm sure I could defend myself if I had to, yet I'm afraid of people who are physically weaker than me, I don't get it...

Fear of failure.

Is it really or is it imagined potential failure and all your mind can imagine around that.

What is the worst that could happen?

Would anything that you are imagining really be as bad as you are imagining it to be?

Your brain freezes because you avoid those situations, so it has not become used to being in those situations and hence gets tied up.

The ironic thing is, this perpetuates and feeds the feeling, making it more likely to happen.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

short story

there was a kid who wanted to become a basketball player but he was disable. he couldnt play so he become a basketball radiohost.

find a place where u can use your talent.

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor E. Frankl

Learn which battles are worth your time and which are not.

Become fluid in your mind, less rigid so that when in a situation that you used to feel the only option was conflict you can just slip by like the current around a rock (wearing it down in the process)

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Unless you are 'naturally' like this, and I've never seen a 4 year old who is monotone, expressionless, and impossible to read, it might be worth exploring that the fear you are labeling the fear of confrontation, could also be in play as a fear to express yourself, to be fully who you are for all to see.

This would also be connected to an increase of people trying to provoke stuff out of you -- see Peregrinus' 'irony' reference. Of course, as he also covered, fear to show yourself = fear of failure.

Therefore, and not surprisingly, it's not them you don't want to confront, it's you.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

I'll add my 2 cents :
Peregrinus is spot on per usual

Now flow, I don't agree with the bold part ... what is natural behaviour ?
Do all your behaviour can be adequated to this of the 4 yo you were ?

I just pick on you (see that foofatron, even on this forum I can't help but be an asshole ? )


Looking back, my 'fear to express myself' was 'fear of the consequences of me expressing myself fully" and 'fear of people seeing the REAL me', like there was something wrong with me and people would see it if I expressed myself honesty (THIS COULDN'T BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH, MIRROR)

Meaning fear of getting kicked out the house, fear of creating a 'bad environment', fear of breaking contact with family if it heats up ... Pfffffffft

NOW that I RIGHTEOUSLY act like I feel like ? NOTHING CHANGED (there always was some 'confrontation', except now I initiate it on them, not them on me), except getting more respect because I act like THE MAN I AM, not the lost child who's scared of everything and everyone around him.


It appears to me that 'your problems' can easily be resolved (aren't they all ...) :
For some reason this is what appeals to me NOW in arguments, see WHAT THE OTHER PERSON brings to the table (logical reasons, emotional 'sticks', ...) !
Really ? Someone who insults you, bring you down is YOUR friend ?

Damn my circle of friends just expanded dramatically
That's what I thought about me for a long time.

I can tell you that I found out I was wrong, I could/can talk / write endlessly about CERTAIN subjects, but (un?)fortunately for me not that many people in my entourage have common interests.

This could easily be changed though (doing things you love and meeting 'similar' people, creating something CONGRUENT with who you are and people will flock, ...), if YOU WANT IT bad enough.
Get better conversationally / confrontationnally (see Patrice O'Neal as a master of it)
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt . -- George Eliot
Bill Burr on how women argue (replace women with people)
Why do you think they act like that ?
That accomplishes something surely ... your anger maybe ?
It's not what you think it is. MIRROR.
Your discomfort is only there because you WANT to say some things but DON'T, HENCE THE 'IRONIC SENTENCE' OF GRINUS ...

Anyways, back to Girls Bravo ... (I'll post a review when I'm done )

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

No way, of course - but little kids can be a great reference for how expressive, emotional, this is who I am, what I want and I want it NOW, and I don't give the slightest fuck if everyone within a mile radius knows it.. and, that YOU used to be that way (to a point, almost certainly). Not that you'd want to be so unrefined, but as you said, odds are way higher that if you are completely unexpressive / shut down that it is far more about the fear of failure/consequences than just "this is who I am."

There are exceptions, 'conditions' of course to this but the point is to explore fear of being who you are w/ full expression and owning it. If you're really comfortable expressing whatever you want, and you really are that dry, or if it's a conscious choice not to show your cards, then cool

I'm still very laid back and not all that talkative, but "this is just how I naturally am" was something I used to avoid a LOT of life. If you are avoiding confrontation, well, life can be a pretty confronting son of a bitch
Exactly - without that inability to express, there wouldn't be the conflict. You wouldn't even be talking about it - that's where you can't fall back on saying you don't care/it's just not your personality- it IS, but you've decided you can't let it out.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

People pretty much NEVER question a surface front.

The trick is finding a balance between being like don't fuck with me and having such an energy about you that people are like "to fuck with him would be a bad choice for my social value"

I have a much lower level of give a fuck when in situations like that, so people don't even try generally. And if they do I just flick them off like a fly.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Interesting, I take a lot of this for granted sometimes. in a major city, I am out late a lot, Basically a lot of that vibe is required and you tend to just get used to it. I travel a lot so I get to be reminded About how dramatically different the "default vibe" is for a lot of places in the country and world. A Midwestern Tourist in my neighborhood stands out from a mile away, and it ain't because of what they are wearing.

First you need access to all the different energies you have, from the one that is friendly or can interact with the young kid, to the one that will kill a guy with his bare hands if he messes with your family. If you are blocked off from one when it is needed then you are in trouble. Wisdom is letting the right one come out in the right time

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

And realizing just how how little an overt confrontation is a good idea .

Any argument won through anger is a pyrrhic victory, the only people that are addicted to ego fight head on like that like the bar tool. If you actually need to do something and indifference etc isn't gonna do.

Mind checkmate them from the shadows, never overtly, everything subtle, under the radar and indirect.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Great comments I'll have to read over again.

The problem is when I do express myself and people still can't tell lol... My jokes really seem to go that way especially sarcasm. I feel my face and think I'm expressive, but nobody else does lol. I think I smile a lot people have always said I don't. I think they just aren't looking.

In certain situations my facial expressions are suppressed, however during most of the day it's probably very small. People used to say I looked angry, not so much now, but I wasn't. I tease my Asian friend that he's squinting, but we all know he's not lol, so to some degree I think it is natural. Some faces look a certain way to people.

Fear of expressing myself and confronting that feeling is the conflict, not him...

He is my friend because we have good times. He is rather moody and has anger problems. Today we were cool and I could tell he was having a good day. He usually is angry and negative although. We're neighborhood kids and we have fun when he hang out. Sometimes I wonder if he's bipolar.