Natural Freedom

I just read a quote by Dali which said; "Trust the process" in reference to letting go. That is my problem. I don't trust the process. I see letting go of your ego and the positive results of it as a theory. A theory which is looking more and more like my only option as I realize my ultimate failure in my attempts to attain happiness via western philosophy standards.

I guess I don't know if I've tried hard enough at this whole attainment thing. Maybe western philosophy isn't the problem. Maybe I haven't sold out to it enough. Maybe the self judgment is warranted. Maybe it is a healthy warning sign that I have been lazy and unmotivated. That the gap between my potential and my results is unacceptable.

As I understand it the reward of enlightenment is inner peace. Not being at war with anything. This sounds great. I think homeostasis is what it's called. As I understand it homeostasis is an equilibrium in emotion. Neither getting too excited or too down. The end of suffering sounds amazing. However do I want to give up the highs. The feeling you get when you are attached to an outcome and everything goes right. If it were as simple as taking a pill I suppose I could make a good comparison based decision. Pill1(Non attachment and inner peace)/ Pill 2 (Attachment but winning at life. Knowing you have done everything you can to become your best self. Achievement)

I want a philosophy I can sell out on. Full effort, no looking back. I just don't know what it is. =/

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“Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.”~ Jim Rohn

That quote had a context, and you related it to the letting go process. I paraphrased it in the form of, "relinquish the illusion of control" That's why you see when some of us caugh up inside our minds trying to make sense of something that is out of our hand, we're just reminded by the more aware members, that we need to: LET GO.

I would ask however, what it is that you really want, peace of mind? or what? stop struggling? Believe me truth it's in the opposite direction as you may attain in some threads of this forum, but with the internal patience and courage the waters allways become still, until new paradigms get crushed and the whole process starts all over again.

I see that you are a little bit interested with enlightenment topic, and all I can think about is that you are struggling with the concept of the "reality" we live in, and your newly insertion on this forums, and all the "dots" that maybe you're trying to connect in your mind or maybe other things that you are trying to control or fall short to your grasp. I'll say something for this: do not rush. Chill out.

I'm in no need to be a crack wise here. But I'll ask again... You want to let go of..., ... Let go of what? You think that by doing the magic technique of letting go, all the suffering you have will end? or that you magically be non attached? And that sadness would vanish from your system forever and ever. Well I'm embarassed to inform you that, angry, frustrated and rampant emotions are the daily meals here, no steaks here.

Maybe what you have to let go is the idea of seeking happiness outside yourself... Or even the idea of everlasting happiness, and the disney ending of the suffering market bollock plot.

What if the enlightenment rewards you think you'll reap if you attain it, are mere bullshit? Besides you don't want to give up the highs, and that's one BIG obstacle between you and the shit you want. That's attachment. As we say; You want your cake and eat it too. "Eso no se puede señor"

As for the philosophy depends on how you conform the "winning in life" process it's your's stop seeking a cookie cutter happiness pill for the public because that is within the spectrum of what you consider such philosphy of life.

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GMST

Well said sir. I very much like where your coming from Dali on what I've seen of your post contributions.

I don't know what I want on a grand scale and truthfully I don't mind struggle. I just don't like fruitless struggle.

What I want most now is to stop being so self conscious, scheming and validation seeking.

I'm treating life like a strategy game where I need to pull off moves that project to the world that I am the real deal
and belong on the esteemed list. This leads me to be self focused, inauthentic and rarely in the moment.

I suppose I think if I let go of my ego I can stop chasing value and just flow. Just deal with people on an authentic level without side objectives. Not all this inner chatter about what I should and shouldn't say. No score card on how I'm doing so far. Not leaving an interactions with a list of what I need to do more of and less of next time.

There's many things but this is the BIG issue.

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“Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.”~ Jim Rohn

Hmmm...

Can you give an real example when you became traped being self concious?
How does it feel?
And most importantly, why do you want to get rid of it?... As well for the scheming and validation seeking.

I definitley struggled with that things and all that jazz... You just have to let go, in a real sense. I struggled with the pretending shit, but got over it. How, (read the previous post again).

As you state it. That validation cycle must be destroyed: search on the forum "subconsious tapping or such." There's no other way I know myself only that you have to digg, and it would not be fun. The ego allways get in the way. Maybe you want to be in a point where You are the master serving from the ego, not the ego serving from the master, aka. becoming an adult.

Just a little heads up THX, Do you think every people but yourself that live outside are mostly authentic? And that you are being a fake? I sense that you are done with the being hypocrite, that it itches you faking it just for the sake of value from others. It's ok.

One thing I do to trascend this shit, is write it; get out of your head and write the shit that bugs you, then read it and analize it, and realize it's all in your head a it's a stupid illusion that gets real with the emotional energy you gave.

Fear only survive when you give your emotional energy to it, and thus the illusion gets real. When not properly fed, it starves and eventually dies. So as you.

Hope it helps.

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GMST

I don't know what this above quote means. =/

Okay examples. I used to call girls after getting there phone number and I would have these really lifeless conversations. Nowhere near the fun guy they met nights ago when I was drinking. So I started drinking every time before I called a girl for the first time. Enough to be a social lubricant but not enough to effect my speech. What happened? Magic. All the sudden I was having these fun witty conversations. Alcohol to my knowledge being a depressant does not improve ones ability to form thought and retrieve information so I was left with the theory that the reason I was able to have good conversations was because I wasn't self editing. I wasn't thinking of things to say and then thinking , "No that's stupid don't say that."

I stopped drinking for the most part in the last 4 months because I'm losing weight. I usually have trouble talking to my family over the phone. I'm not nervous and I don't self edit. It just seems like it's hard to come up with anything interesting to say. I feel pressure to have meaningful conversations with my family. I have insomnia so I have developed a high resistance to sleeping pills. On a couple of occasions I was talking to the fam having the same old moments of silence and digging for topics and my sleeping pills started kicking in. All the sudden the conversation starts picking up. I have to start apologizing for accidentally interrupting them because now I have so much to say. I can expound on topics chatter box style. My sleeping pills make me too tired to care about stuff. I theorize because I no long care whether I keep the conversation going my mind just flows.

I recently met some friends who I occasionally do pick up with. Talking to random girls in clubs. I was nervous about getting approach anxiety being judged by my friends and being too nervous too have good conversation. I wasn't drinking alcohol so what do I do? Can't be thought of as a pussy or a weirdo. Sleeping pills at a club at a lower dose than puts me to sleep. I'm approaching and all my sets are hooking.

In body language people can sub consciously pick up that you are not listening if you blink less than once every 6 seconds. When someone is talking to me and I am bored at what they are saying I put the blinkers on manual control and make sure I'm not leaking that I am not interested through body language.

The self consciousness is an awareness that I have that I might be at the present moment or very soon to be doing something that people find weird, weak or lacking in social skills. The scheming is plans I make and carry out to make these consequences less likely. If carried out successfully I gain peoples validation or at least in my own mind.

The self consciousness feels like someones going to steal your money and you have to protect it. The scheming feels exactly the same unless I can tell that the scheme is working. The validation seeking just feels tiring; exhausting.

Why I want to get rid of this is because I wouldn't need substances to let my personality and conversation skills come out. Plus I wouldn't feel like a validation whore.

P.S. I will read the subconsious tapping you spoke about.

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“Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.”~ Jim Rohn

As pergrinus would say:

LET IT GO!

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Bravo!

Beat me to it

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

I found some further reading for you THX, from a good female friend of mine.

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GMST

You can probably count on one hand in all recorded history those who just dropped the whole thing at once - it is a gradual process. Everything that is happening is a defense mechanism to give all sorts of reasons why it would be dangerous to let go, etc.

Let this be very clear - the very part of you that wants to be enlightened, that wants to have highs, that wants to figure this out, is the VERY THING that gets let go of. It's the illusion that THX is a solid concept and that all these things / thoughts are happening to him when in fact you are the awareness generating all of it.

"Enlightenment is great, too bad you are not there to enjoy it."

Do not worry about starting there. You must be brutally honest and work with where you are at. If you are deeply attached or feeling pain around a topic, you dive in and work there unashamedly. Anything that says "i'm not supposed to be attached to this" or i'm supposed to be more advanced than this, is just that same defense mechanism keeping you from actually dropping anything.

Start with feeling whatever you are feeling 100%, and give it full permission to be there. That's the only way release can happen - otherwise you are not looking directly and honestly at what is there and are trying to get rid of it which is just another form of suppression.

Releasing is not an action. Holding on is. You learn to stop doing it.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Of course you do - that's what everyone wants and it is the carrot tied in front of the donkey, searching for the right philosophy or answer (inherently, this means it is external, rather than looking inward we want the answer first and to commit to the right answer) THAT is what you need to let go of. There is no answer. There is not even "truth" external from you. Your experience, before you start labeling it with your mind, IS the truth. Everything past the pure experience itself is the labeling or description of it, and every layer of this is yet another step further removed from the actual experience itself. By the time you get to philosophy, you're way down that road away from yourself.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Realize and believe that it is perfectly fine to be who you are.

PROTIP: it really is.

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden

Nice. It's all you ever can be - what you truly let go of is that constant resistance to it and the instilled belief that who you are is not good enough.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Be yourself.

By happy being yourself.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.