From this point forward since all relationships and interactions comes down to how much value you can benefit from one another I rather tweak it so I can get as much value as possible.

So I realized what a prisoner and slave I have been to my own emotions and to my own mind. I have noticed a total difference between my Birthday and today and I came to a very important conclusion. I don't love myself very much but now I know there is no such thing as love I really don't know what to do about this.

I also realized everything that has happened to me was of my own self fulfilling prophecy. Because I don't like myself I made my own self suffer because subconsciously I feel this is how I should be treated which is why I have issues of ever fully becoming confident. I talk like I can be alone but in reality I only tolerate it because its what I have chosen out of fear that others won't accept me, I also notice that when I am not around others I don't do it on purpose but that little voice inside my head that the so called monks and gurus of spirituality talk about, its very real I notice if I don't have any thing distracting me that when in total silence my mind does the distracting for me.

It repeats to me the things that are wrong with me and how worthless I am in life. Maybe my hatred came from this all along and my recent understanding of how society truly is was just an excuse to put it outward. But still I don't like what has been nothing but a lie I've been living all this time is nothing more but an absurdity.

I tolerate being alone but I have much inner turmoil going through me I will work towards attaining inner peace and a peace of mind.

I have become like the dude I am very interested in going to the depths of my psyche and learn to turn these programs and brainwashing that my enemies make them my friends. I will start to use that program Dali thanks for the recommendation will keep updating.

Been waiting for this event, Resonance. Now the real progress can be made.

but actually I was seeing the experience of sadness passing through me, that was weird!!

Huge. That means you have taken one step backward to a broader perspective. You are NOT the emotion but are able to observe it moving through you. You have moved beyond seeing your entire self AS that sadness and emotion which is how the vast majority experience life.

When you can witness it moving, can "you" ever BE sad? This is the window into true peace.

If you can observe something, it can't be you.

All sorts of horrible as well as beautiful pictures will show up on the screen - the TV doesn't give a shit and is completely unaffected by any of it.

PD. Sorry for the hijacked posts in your thread Resonance, will not happen again, I promise.