Ah yes,
I've been going through the same issue lately. I ground, and I feel great, but regardless of if I get emotional, women don't seem to notice...
And sometimes I feel kinda lame, and women will start to notice me. The point is it's very random.
I read on RELM about not putting too much energy into reactions from women, and I did that for a few days, and lo and behold, women started noticing me. Some said hi to me on the street and I wasn't really doing anything. [I was going to keep typing about what had happened, but soon lost the will. What's the point to keep remembering the past like this?]
But today, I didn't put much energy into women's reactions and at first people were noticing, but then it faded away.
That's when I came upon a bit of a breakthrough today... I realized that I tried to validate what I felt on the inside by what was happening to people around me on the inside. "Am I feeling like the stimulus?" Rather than realizing I did feel like it, I would look for women to notice if I was the stimulus. Thus, anxiety would blanket whatever state I was in.
So I'm being mindful whenever I feel needy about something, and I am validating NG through what I feel in my body, and not results. Force of habit will continue to make me seek in the back of my mind, but with enough mindfulness, it shall disappear.
I don't remember what the aim of this post is anymore, so now it feels like a bit of a blog. I guess I'm just wondering if I'll ever actually be free from seeking, and if I am free from it, will my material desires manifest? Right now, I'm thinking I want peace, and I am careful not to put too much energy it what happens with women, but I want to know if i'll have to work on not letting it take me over for a long time...
And now another thought has come to mind...no matter how much NG I'm doing, am I doing it to improve my resume (see cory skyy's video about employee/employer that Shay posted in the Alpha Male forum), or am I doing it for a greater cause? (one that I can't seem to put into words yet...) Perhaps that is also a factor.
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