Natural Freedom

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 Post subject: Update from April, 2020
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2020 10:17 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:33 am
Posts: 1835
Location: Czech Republic
Hey,

I've decided to post an update to reflect on my proccess.
I've released hundreds of issues in the past years. Most significant are suicidal depression, anger issues, fear (difficult to describe, but I am basically not feeling fear of anything now) and a lesser form of agony that was triggered in certain situations.

Where I'm at after years of inner work
- Still not able to have sex with pretty much anyone. The thought alone repulses me and makes me feel like shit
- Still subconsciously trained to be a pseudo-partner to women, like my mother made me for her
- Most of the time I internally see a woman like a beast that is coming to eat me alive, not a vulnerable thing I should take care of or whatever men feel
- I think I am emotionally unavailable to women, I have no clue what it means to be emotionally available. I just fuck off and do my own shit
- Fatigue from longterm defeat is a real thing. I'd lie if I were to say I do not feel defeated after years of intensive inner work and zero real life results
- I released lot of issues I had from my pedophilic father, that was a great success
- I am not a father yet, probably will not be for some time and that is very painful

Like a year ago or so I mentioned I have no idea how long is this going to take. I can say the same, I do not see an end. I have no clue and there is no point of reference for this. It's a complete walk in the dark.
I'd be into a relationship without sex with a woman, but none so far was interested. They mostly do not give a fuck about you if they find out you are not sexual at all.
There are no mentors right now, have not been for some time. I have not met a person who went through what I went through.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2020 2:59 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:51 pm
Posts: 1921
Location: Laniakea Supercluster
fufe wrote: *

- Most of the time I internally see a woman like a beast that is coming to eat me alive, not a vulnerable thing I should take care of or whatever men feel
Interesting.

If she gets pregnant w/ you, she'd be a horrible mom to the kid, right?
Thrown to the wolves forever trusting, right?
You could do everything just right, a model of a dad,
but if your woman is viewed as beast... well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7HA3zPrQso

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