I've been thinking that the sooner you can realize that you need to let go something, the much better you will feel, or the better things will be for you.
the murder rate in my country is atrocious, and compared to most of you guys, my environment is confined and VERY SMALL. I ran into a small situation a few weeks ago where I and a class mate was held up and threatened by an "alleged" robber, but in order for me to elaborate on that, I have to start at the beginning.
I am learning animation at a studio in the city. i travel from home 3 hours to school, 4 hours in class and another 3 hours back, even though I am tired as hell when I get home, I am very grateful to be learning to do something that I know I can excel at. my class is relatively small and from the second day of class, i hit it off well with the lone female who is 19 years old.
3 Saturdays ago, her Mom wasn't there to pick her up after school, I walk about 10 blocks to get to from the Studio to my bus stop. Her mom usually transports her to and from school. That Saturday however, the mom was at the salon and my colleague asked if I was going in that direction and when I answered she told me she was going to walk with me. She was interested in the process of traditional animation as I was and I lent her a Japanese Animation book that I had, no attachments, no interest in anything whatsoever. I liked her answer to a few of the instructors questions and I knew she would like the book. after that, she touches me when she enters class,come over and help me if I didn't understand something, or feed me oreos ( now there are other males in the class and she only helps me).
as we walked from class she told me about herself. when we ran into pedestrians she literally froze, because walking out in public like that was a new thing for her. she told me that when she was at home in the Islands, that people would usually judge her because of her skin color, people would assume that she has money. I mentioned my girlfriend at one point and she flashed on anger and said she didn't want to talk about that.
when I got to my destination she pointed up a street and asked me to follow her there. it was the street that my bus ran on back to my parish and I said ok and started walking. about 3 blocks from the bus stop , out of the corner of my eye a guy stepped up beside me. I thought he was going to beg money , but when I looked into his face I knew different. without smiling he told me that at that instant I was going to be the victim of a robbery, and if it doesn't go accordingly, then I will die.
when he said that I became quiet. I had stopped to hear what he had to say, so that my colleague could go ahead, even to get help. he told me that we were surrounded by 7 other men, I flashed my eyes around to see if I was being closed in on. when I didn't see no convergence so I began explaining to him that he picked the wrong day to rob me. still with a mean face and not buying what I was telling him, he told me to give him my laptop from my Pak. I assured him that I only had books in my Pak and attempted to show him. he declined. if he had followed me he may have seen the tablet my girl gave me. seeing that I really didn't have a computer on me, he asked me for my cellphone, I literally laughed out loud. my phone had died from the night before and I didn't bring it with me that day. he asked me how much money I had, I patted my pockets and felt a wad of bills in my left, and just a few dollars in the right, I painted on a humble look on my face and told him how far I was going and that I only had fare for that. he turned his attention to my class mate. she was aware of what was taking place, but she kept a steady pace, he told me to tell her her to give him the contents of her pak. I assured him that she, like me had nothing to offer him that day. he showed me a bridge and told me not to go across it, because after crossing it then the situation will change. I said ok and asked her how farther we had to go, she turned into a plaza and I followed her, the guy stopped and I turned and smiled and said "Next time".
her mom dropped me back at the bus stop after we told her and the hairdresser our ordeal. she told me that she and her husband had to move once because people tried to extort them. needless to say, I was a nervous wreck after I actually thought what could have happened to me. I started sucking in class, I mean sucking bad. I fell back into a vortex, started smoking again, and my class mate from cooking school even invited me to her place one night and I literally just sat in a corner as she put herself out there for me to take
, I even got lost driving from her place.
I had an awesome day at school today. things are looking better. in regards to the female I made that thread about, where I told her I wont be shy around her anymore, I saw how invested and attached I was becoming. I have a bad habit of liking to turn girls who I really like into girlfriends. I have a a girlfriend, but I am stuck in trying to create teams. since I found out that I was becoming anti seductive, I stopped completing her completely. the other night she posted something and made a small reference to me, what stood out however was "You are doing well so far lets see how long u can keep this up."
she is now on the JAFAH'z list.
all in all though, I am getting back to normal
, there are people who belong to the forum who are in worse situations than me.