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Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
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Author:  Sniper [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 11:48 am ]
Post subject:  Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
I talked about this with Gina- the social matrix puts pressure on men to get their high self esteem or self worth from beding women......

you get hidden message within the social matrix that if you don't bed women you are a loser...

We have awareness and know that our self worth\ self esteem doesn't come from that, but we need to be alert because as much as we have awareness it could still effect us too...

I know it has effected me when I was 'off guard' and I think it has also effected Rion, cause lately it seems he putting a lot of pressure on himself to 'get some' from many women (like doing coaching with Paul Janka as an example...)

I thought about this when I saw this video by Brent:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNetCwuy ... eature=sub

Now if anyone wants to have Threesomes, I'm not against it (although it's not something I'm looking for....) But if I was a real and authentic teacher I would say:

forget about Threesomes, that's not going to really make you or the women happy.
Aim for a real connection and intimacy and that will be win win for both you and the woman you are with.

Just some food for the thought ;)
Author:  Alchemist [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 4:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
Shay wrote:
you get hidden message within the social matrix that if you don't bed women you are a loser...
That's a huge one right there, this is constantly reinforced in B-films such as "American Pie" and the most recent one "She's out of my league".

For guys with no sexual experience like myself, it makes us hate ourselves even more because if we haven't even bedded one woman who are we? are we really men? masculine? that coupled with the idea that to be 'alpha' you have to fuck alot of women....wtf is 'alpha' anyway? seriously...I know it's ridiculous and I don't hate myself for it anymore, but there's always this weird feeling I get when people around me talk about sex, everyone always talks about sex and women dress sexy all the time, there's no getting away from it.

I hope to be disappointed by the act when it happens so I don't have to feel like I have to make up for lost time anymore.
Author:  Sniper [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 5:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
create wrote:
Shay wrote:
you get hidden message within the social matrix that if you don't bed women you are a loser...
That's a huge one right there, this is constantly reinforced in B-films such as "American Pie" and the most recent one "She's out of my league".

For guys with no sexual experience like myself, it makes us hate ourselves even more because if we haven't even bedded one woman who are we? are we really men? masculine? that coupled with the idea that to be 'alpha' you have to fuck alot of women....wtf is 'alpha' anyway? seriously...I know it's ridiculous and I don't hate myself for it anymore, but there's always this weird feeling I get when people around me talk about sex, everyone always talks about sex and women dress sexy all the time, there's no getting away from it.

I hope to be disappointed by the act when it happens so I don't have to feel like I have to make up for lost time anymore.

unfortunately Rion has also fallen into that social program, he paid Paul Janka to coach him and teach him how to bed more women (and Rion was not bad with women and was already with many women before he did the coaching with Paul Janka.....)

Now I'll give you something to think about:

Some guys have girlfriends and have sex but they are still wimps and the women are controlling them. So you can see that sex didn't make them more Manly ;)
Author:  Dr. Awesome [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 8:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
i agree with create, this is a big one you mentioned!

And I have to say that it still affects me, more unconciously but it does. In the last few days I'm in a strange state. Something between "Have I really progressed" and "what should I do to progress".

The reason was that a woman (the one that was so "magnetically" attracted to me as we first met) told me about her love struggles at the moment. As I had some "feelings" for her a few months ago which I noticed were only feelings of dependence and attachement and did not have anything to do with her person, I got aware as she told me about her "love" struggles at the moment, that I still have been attached to her. For my ego it was like "so, she definitely isn't attracted to you anymore at all" which took me down...

My lesson of that experience: It REALLY is (as Marcus told too) NOT the slightest bit better if you get what you WANT (need on the egoic level) than not having it and wanting it. It actually might be even worse. If you get what you want, the ego tells you "ha, you wanted it, you got it so I (the ego) work well" so it strenghtens the ego a lot if you get what you want.

Seems to me that I had to experience that insight...
Author:  Sniper [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
Vegano wrote:
My lesson of that experience: It REALLY is (as Marcus told too) NOT the slightest bit better if you get what you WANT (need on the egoic level) than not having it and wanting it. It actually might be even worse. If you get what you want, the ego tells you "ha, you wanted it, you got it so I (the ego) work well" so it strenghtens the ego a lot if you get what you want.

Seems to me that I had to experience that insight...
I don't agree with Marcus that we should be passive or 'not want', but at the same time we should not put too much pressure on ourselves and remember that a man's self worth does not come from the amount of women he 'shaged'.

I told this to Rion as well, you are not 'more powerful' or better then others because you have had more women. A man's self worth or value does not come from that.....
I think he understood me, I hope so anyway.... 8-)
Author:  Alchemist [ Sun Apr 11, 2010 10:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
Vegano wrote:

My lesson of that experience: It REALLY is (as Marcus told too) NOT the slightest bit better if you get what you WANT (need on the egoic level) than not having it and wanting it. It actually might be even worse. If you get what you want, the ego tells you "ha, you wanted it, you got it so I (the ego) work well" so it strenghtens the ego a lot if you get what you want.
That's what's happens when I attract money, and when my bank account is almost empty my ego's like "ok I'll relax and do this LOA thing and when the money comes I'll be relax..ahh, money..." and wait til it comes.

But I don't want the attachment and for my feelings of security to come from that, this thought always keeps coming back that I want to be relax and happy without any of the external stuff.

Shit just got real. 8-)
Author:  TheModernLibertine [ Wed Apr 21, 2010 10:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
I prefer to think that a womans self worth comes from sleeping with me. Just my POV, though. Reframing is a useful thing to do, my friends.
Author:  Naled [ Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
Shay wrote:
forget about Threesomes, that's not going to really make you or the women happy.
Aim for a real connection and intimacy and that will be win win for both you and the woman you are with.
yes yes yes
here guys we again are the most truth purpose..
deep down everybody wants that. and not threesomes which are good maybe 30 minutes. then?
Author:  Morgul [ Mon May 10, 2010 3:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
Naled wrote:
Shay wrote:
forget about Threesomes, that's not going to really make you or the women happy.
Aim for a real connection and intimacy and that will be win win for both you and the woman you are with.
yes yes yes
here guys we again are the most truth purpose..
deep down everybody wants that. and not threesomes which are good maybe 30 minutes. then?
It's possible to have real connection and great intimacy even in a threesome. It seems you're picturing it as something bad (or maybe difficult), but there's nothing inherently wrong with it. Just as there's no limit to love, there's no limit to the number of women you can make love to at the same setting.
Author:  Sniper [ Mon May 10, 2010 4:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
Morgul wrote:
It's possible to have real connection and great intimacy even in a threesome. It seems you're picturing it as something bad (or maybe difficult), but there's nothing inherently wrong with it. Just as there's no limit to love, there's no limit to the number of women you can make love to at the same setting.
I don't agree with this, but if you ever try it let me know how it went ;)
Author:  Alchemist [ Sat May 15, 2010 1:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
TheModernLibertine wrote:
I prefer to think that a womans self worth comes from sleeping with me. Just my POV, though. Reframing is a useful thing to do, my friends.
That's going in my cerebral cabinet. :mrgreen:
Author:  Scarf [ Tue Jun 29, 2010 1:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
Shay wrote:
Some guys have girlfriends and have sex but they are still wimps and the women are controlling them. So you can see that sex didn't make them more Manly ;)
I LOVE this post.

I find this truth to be incredibly unbelievable. This is why being messed around by girls early on will make you stronger in the long run.
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Tue Jun 29, 2010 2:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Does your self worth as a man comes from beding women?
Scarf wrote:
Shay wrote:
Some guys have girlfriends and have sex but they are still wimps and the women are controlling them. So you can see that sex didn't make them more Manly ;)
I LOVE this post.

I find this truth to be incredibly unbelievable. This is why being messed around by girls early on will make you stronger in the long run.
...and I love and concur with THIS post. It's like a boxer doesn't really know if he can take a hit until he actually TAKES A HIT. 8-)

...and to answer the topic question, in the beginning, yeah I drew a lot of self worth from bedding alot of women, but moreso because I was doing it ON MY TERMS, not theirs.

Although I still get down on my terms, in my old age I no longer get a big head about it, because it is kinda normal for me to fall into pussy on any given day. Granted, after my ex of 6 years broke up with me because she couldn't wear the pants (she still loves me to death and indirectly still tries to get me back...but that is for another thread 8-) ), I went on a tear to remind myself who I was an accelerate me getting myself back to this state of mind.

Other than that, sex is whatever to me. Honestly, at 37, I really hope that someone shows up that wants to be a team player so we can build a dynasty (read: I'm kinda burnt out out dating and would really like to settle down). However, if that chick never shows up, then I am also prepared to be a swinging dick until I die.

That's where I stand on the matter. 8-)
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