There was a very good film posted in the movies section here a while ago, The Crash Reel.
In essence...Kevin Pearce, world-renown snowboarding professional was at the top of the game. An unfortunate accident in the sport left him near dead and done for. The movie takes you through the moving journey and recovery.
Throughout the film I remember how supportive his family was as a whole. They supported one another, helping each other be the best they could be. It's what I would consider the definition of a 'healthy family'.
being Supportive vs. being Doubtful
(I know we preach being your own best-friend and I'm 100% with that, I would say put that aside while reading this, because I will get back to that.)
Now I'm going to give some examples to help get to my point(s) across.
Imagine your about to make a 'big' shift in your life, one that the family will know about (moving, school, work, marriage, etc). You've considered it thoroughly with yourself and it's what you want to do.
Now, you run it through your family (I'm going to make the examples somewhat extreme to emphasize the point):
[Response A]
You: Mom and Dad I've decided to quit school, sell my things and move to India to create an organization to help the hungry and impoverish.
Dad: Are you sure about this?
Mom: WHAT! Why??
---
[Response B]
You: Mom and Dad I've decided to quit school, sell my things and move to India to create an organization to help the hungry and impoverish.
Dad: Wow! That's great! What made you think of doing this?!
Mom: I'm so proud of you!
Two different responses with two different meanings and different vibes given off. The first response is what I would consider "doubting". The family has little belief and trust in their child. They most probably doubt themselves, which is why they doubt their child and others.
The other response, response B, is what I consider being "supportive". The family trusts in their child, believing they have raised them 'correctly' and they will do what's best for themselves. Opposite from before, the parents most probably trust themselves, which reflects into their trust for their child.
Compounding this over many years, can you imagine the results of raising a child in these two different ways?
In the first example I would imagine you most likely would have a child 2nd guess themselves by default due to constant 2nd guessing from their "supporting cast", their family. The child is less-able to think for themselves and be independent.
In the second example I would imagine you would have a child who believes and trust in themselves. The family has done a 'correct' job in raising a child who can think for themselves and trust their own decisions.
While typing this, another thread came to mind which I believe nicely shows the results of having a "supportive" supporting cast; How do you define yourself?
I wrote this thread, because it made me think of it after a recent experience I had with my parents. I've made a 'big' shift in my life and I believed I should inform my parents of it. I expected, from previous experiences, that I would here their "advice" and "wisdom" which really translated into them 2nd guessing my decision making skills. I was prepared for it and have been relying on myself more and more over the months (being your own best-friend; told you I would come back to it.
) It was a bit disheartening to read between the lines of what their message was saying: "bliss I know you are smart and will do good, BUT have you thought it through and checked it out before hand?
I loved a psychology teacher I had that told the class on the first or second day of class about the lovely word "but". He stated that in a sentence when someone issue's the word "but", everything before the "but" is usually 'fluff' or 'BS'. I think that's true more times than not!
However, as "disheartening" as it was for me, I expected it. I just got to thinking a lot about "good parenting", "supporting casts" and a heap of other connected things that I thought it was worth writing out.
Parenting, like many other things in life, seem's to be about doing the best you can and then 'letting go'.
I'd really like to read other opinions, stories or thoughts on the subject. If nothing else comes from it, I'm glad I typed it out.
