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 Post subject: Old age
PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 2:34 am 
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Old age


My grandma is in her 90’s and she’s been struggling ever since passing the ‘90’ mark. I think that’s natural. Living to 90 means you’ve lived 32,872 days. I’m pretty sure all-things in this universe have a shelf-life.

Seeing her over the years decrease in health has been difficult to see, but also more difficult to know she’s struggling and in pain much of the time. The family, sons and daughters, do their part to keep her healthy, spending time with her and taking care of her.
She’s no longer at the age where she can live by herself; it’s humorous that when we begin life we need others assistance and when we come to the ‘end’ we usually also need others assistance as well.

I have a strong connection with my grandma, so the thought of her ‘leaving’ is difficult. I know it’s a natural process of life and I’ll cross that bridge when it comes. I don’t know if others in the family are ready to let her go.

You see her daughters in particular do a ‘lot’ to keep her alive. They treat her as a kid most of the time, thinking they know what’s best for her. However, it’s alarmed me before that what they call “love” is really just ‘attachment’ labeled as “love”, because to me, if you really loved something you would let it go/be (it will do what it will, like the relationship between birds and tree’s have); let what will happen, happen / que sera, sera.

I know this is a difficult situation. Seeing someone you care about struggling and in pain and the natural push would be to help that person, but what if your ‘helping’ is actually causing more harm than good, yet in your eyes you are ‘helping’ the person!
What if the person’s pains are happening so frequently, due to old age? Isn’t this the sign of the body telling the consciousness that things are coming to an end and it’s time to surf that last wave and leave things as they are?

Rather than riding that last wave to shore and going in peace…many seem to choose to esthetically create another and another and another wave through the use of medicine and unnatural compounds; seeing how long they can ride for even if the waves are less than par.

I’m not sure how my grandma would act if her daughters weren’t around telling her what pills to take and what to do. Maybe she would do the same thing her daughters are doing, fight through the pain to stay alive.

Or, maybe she would see her time is coming to an end, and instead of ‘forcing’ another wave out of herself, she would decide to peacefully ride this last wave into shore.

These are the thoughts I have as I watch others around her act in “loving” ways.


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 Post subject: Re: Old age
PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 10:07 am 
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What your family is doing is cleaning some of their guilt about your grandma, so let them clean their sins while they can. If that make them feel better, so be it.

Your position is more or less, "saner" than what they have. So you could let her go so much easily when the due time will come.
I had a similar situation with my grandma, the alzheimer hit hard the whole family and she didn't even know who I was and neither any member of my family too, but some times, that little moments of lucidity brought happiness to the whole crew, and she was comfortable with that, so I had to made peace with myself that I had lost my grandma a long time ago (before she past away), because she wasn't there anymore, just her body (this is not a rationalization) and some incoherences of her brain, really I can tell you this disease is a fucker of souls.

So let her daughters/sons do what they can, while they can. The issue is you, the thing I can say to you is: You just leave her when she has to go, with a broad smile in your face, and remember the good old days of grandma.

I can tell you she raised me 'till I had 12 years old, and she was like my second mother, a very sweet old lady... Hell, she was my second mother, do I miss her now?? hell Yes!, but I let her go because is the rule. She past away when she was 87, 2 years ago.

The only thing you can do is witnessing her departure, and from the bottom of my hearth I say: Is a pleasurable moment seeing a person go leaving the body pain behind, and remember it with all your love and how they took care of you, and that you are a companion in her last days. :D

Stay strong brother.
:geek:

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 Post subject: Re: Old age
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 10:36 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 27, 2011 8:04 am
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Location: USA
Our grandmother's sound alike Dali.

I agree with what you said that they're cleaning off their guilts and what not, it's none of my business they can and will do what they want.

There is one family member who suffocates my grandma with "love" and then gets upset or disappointed when my grandma won't return the 'volley' (appreciate them for "loving" her so much).

It's pretty funny actually, because from an outsiders perceptive this person is suffocating my grandma, metaphorically, and they can't even see it. They're a control freak, in essence. This person had prior life experiences that made them this way, I'm okay with it. It used to get me angry. :D


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