FRONTING, EGO, AND KARMA
The original post in this thread is pretty much an abbreviated and simplified version of what happened next.
As I have alluded to in some of my other posts, although the intense anger after seeing the matrix for what it is has subsided somewhat, I still feel a certain amount of disdain, not for women specifically, BUT FOR THEIR MANIPULATIONS. (I also feel disdain for the men that allow it; I have actually been in situations where, even though I am successfully resisting a woman’s manipulations, she manages to manipulate the manpussies around her into 'valiantly' coming to her aid…. Not that i’m Iceberg or anything, but “a pimp
is the loneliest bastard in the world”)
Evidence that my subconscious was always kinda on my side when it came to seeing thru the matrix lies in the fact that, all my life, and even more so in the last 10 or so years, I would quite often feel a flash of anger or at the very least, resistance, whenever, for example, an aunt or sister or my mother would ask me to do something that they could easily do themselves, and honey-coat their voice while asking. Same goes for other women, to the point where other pussy-obsessed men, no sorry – manginas – including some “playas”, used to tell me that I was a little too rough (verbally) sometimes with women. I’m not entirely sure that I knew the reason consciously, but for sure my subconscious (My Beloved Gut) has been trying to warn me all along.
Anyway, I think I am slowly coming to terms with this. I definitely view it with a bit more humour now than I did when I first swallowed the red pill. That in itself is an improvement.
But one thing that, till now, hasn’t mellowed is my disdain for fronting. I don’t think it’s only red pill anger – my improving observation has opened up a whole new world of subtle jocking to me (and bear in mind that I always used to notice occasional jocking, even from really good looking women). But once I catch them and actually SEE them in the act of putting back on their Masks Of Indifference (TM), although I now more often than not maintain an attitude of “Your loss much more so than mine, bitch. You have no idea how liberating it feels to just BE, rather than to FRONT" (thanks, Dali
) – without even needing to think about trying to have this attitude, mind you (see the note at the bottom of this post) - every now and again I still feel a little contempt or disappointment that they are so fake (and in very rare cases a little envy of whoever their man/men/symps may be, coupled with a longing for them and loneliness that lasts for approx. 3.47 milliseconds….. this feeling used to last much longer in the past). Clearly this is a case for some “lettin’ go pushups”, except…..
Today when I observed the fronting – and these days I see this in abundance just about every time I leave my house – I had a kind of epiphany. It was inevitable, I guess; karma and its relationship to ego has been on my mind a lot lately, and I realized: these morons are shooting themselves in the foot. Why worry about ‘em? Let them flitter back and forth (in many cases concurrently rather than consecutively) between symps – upon whom they gorge their egos in addition to their voracious material appetites, and alpha jerks and players – who painfully knock their egos back down to earth and yet who ALWAYS end up disappointing them when it’s revealed that they are not really the “men” that they appeared to be. To be reaaaaally honest about it, every once in a while I still get EXTREMELY sore due to my knowledge that many of them put on innocent, virtuous fronts so that they can fleece the symps in their lives, bloat the fuck out of their egos by stringing along their “just friend” lifestyle ornaments, while secretly engaging in the most depraved sexual acts that would make even Nancy Friday blush, with their alpha and player losers. (I know this from personal experience, since a couple times in my life I have been that OTHER guy, minus the really depraved parts.) It sometimes burns me up to think that they will then turn around and get some symp to marry ‘em under the pretense of virtue. And they do all this while tryin’ to fool me into thinking that they are uninterested in me – even though I have just seen incontrovertible evidence to the contrary – so that I will chase them. Idiots. They will ALL end up unattractive (it is inevitable) and, AT BEST, will wind up with one of the three aforementioned losers – all of whom will be disappointments. Fuck ‘em. (Like ‘Grinus pointed out to me to already: My Life Is Better Than Hers). The only (rare!) women who I have ever met who remain attractive in some shape or form after their mid-30’s are the ones who don’t play games to a hurtful extent (ie they still play, even with me sometimes, but it’s more fun & playful and less about trying to wound a guy or wrap him around their finger in some way). My only responsibility is to get my head around this so that I don’t put up a wall between myself & the ones who come right (ie don’t front) – and I confess, this has been happening a fair bit lately, but i’ve been aware of it all along. Which is, to me, the most important thing.
And then it hit me. You know, love him or hate him or dontgiveafuckaboutim, I recently read where Deepak Chopra was tweeted by a young woman asking him how to find “Mr. Right” in such a depraved world, and he tweeted back “Stop looking for the right person. BE the right person.” I’ve been saying this for years, but for a different reason. I think he said it because everyone will be so much more fulfilled when they are their own best friend (sound familiar?). But I used to say it because I realized that you can rarely attract – and NEVER KEEP THE INTEREST OF - someone who has advanced more spiritually than you have. THAT is the mistake that these frontin' bitches have made with ME. Hahahahahahahaha…. Incidentally, remember this the next time you hear a woman brag that she can ‘get any man in here just by beckoning to him’……
I realise (I always have done) that the above applies equally me to me. No prob – that’s what push-ups are for………
All of the above cast of characters – the fronting bitch, the symp, the alpha gorilla, and the playa – they all live to feed their ego, and they will all fall. But not me – even though I still trip up, I am at least aware of the effect that my ego has on the quality of my life. Therefore, I’m gonna try a little experiment – rather than letting this go using the introspective and meditative techniques I normally use
[Edit: ie acceptance], I’m just going to continue thinking along these lines and see if that dissolves the remaining bitter taste currently in my mouth. Like Kidd!! says – let logic override emotion. I’m partial to meditation and inner exploration these days, but lemme try something new & see how that fits. If after a while I don’t see any improvement, I know what to do……………..
Aside from that, i’ll continue with my push-ups – try to make that ego more & more visible (rather than fighting it)………..
Note: not only am I clearly attractive to many women, even what those PUA assclowns refer to as “hot babes” (I live in Jockin' City these days 
), but I have soooo much more to offer them than they do to me. Seriously, whenever I have looked at my life, I have always found that it’s a damn good one – very emotionally and spiritually fulfilling compared to the way I see everyone else live, which is why the rare girlfriends I’ve had in the past have never lasted that long with me, and marriage has never been seriously considered by me. My life is too valuable to me to allow them to fuck it up. However, this has always caused everyone else to look at me sideways, and it wasn’t till I came across you guys that anyone confirmed to me that this is the correct way to live ……
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