Natural Freedom

At the Risk of Sounding Incredibly Sexist: The "Double Standard"

"Why is it when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys, she's called a slut, but when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, he gets high-fived in the locker room? What a DOUBLE STANDARD!"

Heard this before? Of course, on the surface it has merit; I mean, the whole ordeal is meant to imply that women are treated unfairly in society. The more men a woman sleeps with, the trashier she is, but the more women a man sleeps with, the more of a stud he is. There's nothing right at all about that, is there?..Except you're not looking at the big picture. What this "double standard" fails to acknowledge is the way in which people find potential partners (whether for purely sexual reasons or for longer commitments). Think about it. In male-female interaction*:

Who buys who the drinks? The male.

Who invites who to dance? The dude.

Who is expected to approach? The man.

Who is expected to say all the right things? The guy.

In most cases. Of course, sometimes you'll find the more assertive female every so often, but I feel like 85-95% of the time, it is the guy doing these things. Of course, correct me if I'm wrong, but when complaining about guys, girls' complaints tend to run along the vein of "He said X and I was like '..EXCUSE ME?' What kind of girl does he think I am? Boys are so dumb/Men are such pigs." Whereas guys' complaints about girls run along the vein of "I just said X and she freaked out on me! Girls are so high maintenance/Women are impossible." Notice something. The guy complains about her reaction to his approach, whereas the girl complains about the guy's approach and its poor taste.

*My apologies to the homosexual crowd: I just don't know enough about gay/lesbian interpersonal dynamics and how different or not different they are from heterosexual dynamics to write accurately on the subject :3

Think about the dating scene! Guys are in a position of helplessness, if you think about it. We buy drinks, we buy meals, we say sincere compliments, we pull out chairs, we open doors, we tell bad jokes, and maybe a girl will give him a second glance. The girl, on the other hand, is able to sit back and be selective. It might be a little tough at first, but any girl experienced in the dating scene probably has the ability to let guys/suitors down lightly (..or not).

Girls can literally go to a club, make eye contact with a man she thinks looks attractive, wait for him to come over, and decide in the first 15 seconds whether she's still interested or not. Guys have to either hope to get lucky and that a girl will silently beckon him over, or make cold approaches and pray that she values her drink enough to not splash it all over you. I think we can all agree that girls do not make as many cold approaches as guys.

(Now, it of course can be argued that the social stigma against girls making the first move is kind of a damper for girls when it comes to dating, and that's fair. But, to refute that, I would be quite surprised to find a guy that wasn't at least flattered from any girl outwardly showing interest in him. Jus'sayin.)

Assuming we're in agreement so far, I contend that society's current trend to demean promiscuous women as slutty and promiscuous men as impressive and respectable has some merit to it. Hear me out, I'm not saying that I think people should sleep with as many people as possible, nor am I saying that everyone should just be chaste. But this is the bottom line. Knowing the mentality of a lot of men out there, if there is a willing woman that's at least moderately attractive, they will be all over that. Sometimes she won't even have to be attractive; lots of guys are just happy to get some action. It is not the same the other way around. As a man, you cannot go out, make your intentions for sex obvious, and expect women to flock towards you (unless your name is Usher).

Correct me if I'm wrong, but women are emotionally driven creatures; more often than not, a woman needs to be in the right emotional state in order to be "in the mood." Men are physically driven creatures; they're kind of ready to go anytime. There are exceptions, but that's generally the case, non? There, it takes significantly more effort (and arguably talent and skill) for a man to be able to say that he slept with 10 women in TWO weeks than it takes for a woman to be able to say that she slept with 10 men in ONE week. All the woman has to do is dress like she wants sex, and she'll more than likely get sex. The man has to push the right buttons and have the perfect blend of charm and good looks in order to get the same thing.

Thus, a woman that sleeps around is generally desperate. This might make some of you mad but I feel like it's true. There's absolutely nothing at all to brag about giving yourself to dozens of different men; hardly a unique talent. Conversely, A man that sleeps around generally has above-average social skills. Not to mention, the personality qualities that make said man a successful player probably would have gotten other men to respect him regardless of his sex partner count. The double standard is meaningless.

Now, before I close, I'm not bashing on all women, or really even the women/people that hold this view. Girls, I'm not calling you a slut if you've slept with multiple guys, and dudes, I'm definitely not saying I respect you for having dozens of sexual partners. I just feel like this notion of a "double standard" is a bit of a misconception and the purpose of this post was to inform whomever may read this of how I see the issue.

Reader, what are your thoughts on the "double standard"? Are women vilified unfairly for their promiscuity? Or is it really just a reflection of the courting system in place today?

Do you think it is comedy?

He just doesn't know what to do about it.