Natural Freedom

Okay here it is :
I have a girl friend, 24 yo, hitting the gym 3-5 times a week (2-3 hours session), high heels, makeup ...
Her past two big relashionships were with guys who :
The first one treated her like shit, always fighting, multiple breakups ...
The second one (it ended today) was like a compulsive liar : Told everyone he's brazilian when he's not, told someone robbed his appartment when not, told he went to a friend's turkish wedding for a week and claim to go again for the same wedding, and other kinds ...

So I'm thinking, We ATTRACT what we ARE, so when I watched Chris rock (Women are the biggest liars), it mixed up.
I was like "Yeah that's her", maybe she doesn't like herself so she tries to improve her physique by all means ... but if she's got these insecurities, guess what ... men will catch up on this !

Any thoughts ?

I wanted to know how she can get out of this circle (if I read the situation well) ... cause I think she understands that she attracts this kind of guy, but still thinks it's not her fault ...

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

well, the problem is that in the social matrix and society today women don't take responsibility because they are not held accountable for anything (for the most part..).

since that is the program they get from a young age and thus: this is how they see the world:
the majority of women don't do inner work and don't want to take responsibility for anything. Mostly because they don't have to....(isn't it easier to always blame others for your failer rather than to look inside and change?)

We men on the other hand don't have that privilege because it's a woman's world - so from a young age we are taught to take responsibility. Sure some men always blame others for their failures but they won't get an Ok from society to do that, so pretty soon they would have to take responsibility or feel depressed...

if that is the case with her, you can't change her unless she decides to step out of the
programing (matrix) and start to take responsibility on her life.

_________________
"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

Thank you for the reply,
New questions now (sorry but I will write the questions as they come, please answer as many as you like ):
-"How can a woman take responsibility on her life ?" ->
"Does a woman have to step out the matrix to resolve her issues?"
"With all the advantages she has in it, wouldn't it be better just to resolve her issue ?"
"Are Social Matrix and "happiness" related for women (for us I can understand that knowledge is power but for women) ?"

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

she has to choose that this is what she wants. There are some women who do that so it's not impossible
in my opinion: yes.
depends on the woman in question
again it depends on the woman in question

_________________
"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

Why are you trying to 'fix' her?

It is a pointless quest.

Are you trying to be a 'knight in shining armour' to her?

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

My first thought when I read this post was, why are you investing time trying to fix somebody else's problems?

If you're just using this as an example to try to better understand certain things, that makes sense. Otherwise, I'd say let her get on with it, it's her life. Even if you knew exactly what to say to her to help she probably wouldn't accept it. People rarely listen to unsolicited advice, and more often than not it backfires and they get pissed off at the person trying to help.

I'm just doing it for better understanding I think, cauz I already know that anything I can say will/shall be rejected.

So the answer is to not give a fuck of others problems, or just take the lessons for me they should have taken for themselves ?

Not trying to be the knight, but seems quite harsh to let the people in their situation (not talking about her now, in general) just cauz they don't understand that they're in a "bad spiral" ...

Finally, only to say that you can't give advices because they will not be taken, so you just respond (like you do) to people who look for "the solution to their problem" cauz they will hear you ?

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

Are you sure that they 'don't understand that they're in a "bad spiral"' as you put it?

This is an important question.
Loved the 'like you do'

Some good assumptions in here

-

You skipped several parts of the puzzle and made some big assumptions.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Either they don't know or they do nothing to get rid of the problem (again not talking about just her)
Sense of some irony in it ...

Assumptions as in "Something taken for granted or accepted as true without proof; a supposition" ?

The puzzle / assumptions refer for the the problems I think / know they have or the "trying to help" part ?

Thanks for your answers ... BTW, Did you read the I-Ching ?

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

Been doing some thinking :
Do people really want advices ?
Or do they want to be asked the questions which will help them answer to themselves ?
-> Like when you ask something in this board, it's a response only to think for yourself to find the answer.

Ultimately, I can't give people answers, they have to find them themselves when they will be ready to be taken ? You can only show them the path, but they have to take it cauz it's theirs ?

So you can really know people a lot more than they know themselves, but it doesn't appear that way cauz they don't know they're like this / that ... ?

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

keep going, deeper and deeper.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

I thought about this and I have another story :
A Slovakian friend came home two months ago (was near where I live and asked to stay ...) So one day she recieves a call from her parents, and all I know is that I see her with tears.
I didn't do anything (maybe limiting belief that I don't know what to say to make people feels better will go trhough it tonight), but my mother and my sister were like what happened ? why do you cry ?
Turns out her parents asked her to return to slovakia faster than you could spell it... So my mother and my sister were like, oh that's all right, they're just afraid for you, that's normal for parents ... and all the regular things.

The point I want to get is, was she really looking for people to cheer her up ? Wouldn't it be better for her to go through it alone ? Does that make me a wussie for doing nothing ?

From your experiences, what's the best way to cheer someone up when they're sad ? :
Just listening to them, or talking, giving advices ... or leave them alone (which we couldn't do we weren't at home ?

Thanks

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

I think it depends on the person in question and on the situation.

take me for example:

when I ask The Kidd and peregrinus a question;
sometimes they give me an answer and sometimes they ask me a question so I can answer myself. I feel as if these guys have a sixth sense and they can know when I need an answer or when I should answer myself.

I guess it's a skill they have developed over the years. Hey that reminds me I wanted to ask them about it

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

As per Sniper's question, see : http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... =21&t=1588

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

The desire to save others is your own unconscious desire to be saved.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Yes, that's never about others, everything we do to others is in fact intended to us ...
BUT, I didn't say that I want to save her, I wanted to resolve the problem, so it can be resolved so if it's in me ... (it's not a desire to save, it's a desire to learn).

Thanks for the reminder btw

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler