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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 12:03 am 
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Give her the gift of:

Having the space to express her feelings and emotions (without you taking ownership of them)
Not having to deal with a deluge of emotions from you

Desiring you more than you desire her
Being more attracted to you than you are to her
Being more invested in you than you are in her
Being more aroused by you than you are by her
Being more committed to you than you are to her
Missing you
Wanting you
Wondering how much you are into her

Telling her off (calmly and unemotionally) when she does something wrong
Keeping strong boundaries and sticking to them
Treating her like a silly girl when she acts like one
Treating her like a naughty girl when she acts like one
Rewarding her when she does good
Not rewarding behaviours that you dislike

Encouraging her to do things away from you
Doing things away from her
Doing things YOU want to do that she does not want to do, because YOU want to do them
Doing things she suggests only IF you actually want to do them also
Not having you on the end of the phone 24/7
Being unavailable sometimes because you are occupied with other things

Wanting to spend more time with you than she can

Still talking to other women when you are with her
Still Flirting with women and letting them flirt with you

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 2:21 am 
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peregrinus wrote:
Give her the gift of:

Having the space to express her feelings and emotions (without you taking ownership of them)
Not having to deal with a deluge of emotions from you

Desiring you more than you desire her
Being more attracted to you than you are to her
Being more invested in you than you are in her
Being more aroused by you than you are by her
Being more committed to you than you are to her
Missing you
Wanting you
Wondering how much you are into her

Telling her off (calmly and unemotionally) when she does something wrong
Keeping strong boundaries and sticking to them
Treating her like a silly girl when she acts like one
Treating her like a naughty girl when she acts like one
Rewarding her when she does good
Not rewarding behaviours that you dislike

Encouraging her to do things away from you
Doing things away from her
Doing things YOU want to do that she does not want to do, because YOU want to do them
Doing things she suggests only IF you actually want to do them also
Not having you on the end of the phone 24/7
Being unavailable sometimes because you are occupied with other things

Wanting to spend more time with you than she can

Still talking to other women when you are with her
Still Flirting with women and letting them flirt with you


Hi peregrinus.

Can you give some practical advice in the red marked ones?

Because I'm still a little bit nervous/anxious when talking to a girl I desire physically. In the past I used to "pretend" I don't like her, and I acted hard to get, only to discover she's got fed up from my "prince game", and the she end fucking with other dude. I guess I want to be balanced, let me explain; being capable of flirt with her and playing, but at the same time man enough to seal the deal.

Am I explainig well?

OR

How to get to a place of not pretending I don't want her (because I wanted her),

instead

Being geniunley in a place of don't want her, and not regreting if It didn't happen.

I'm shure you would recommend me to let go of the regret of my past interactions and the seemingly 'lost' I had because I didn't end hook up with this chicks, but another dude. This is the place I want to be, detacched yet willing to hook up with her.

Thanks.

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“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”


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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 2:37 am 
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Ummm...the answers you seek are plastered all over this forum, Dali. 8-)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:


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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 6:29 pm 
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i like that peregrinus


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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 8:21 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Ummm...the answers you seek are plastered all over this forum, Dali. 8-)


Ur right, maybe I thought my problem was "different" or "more complicated"

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“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”


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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 8:31 pm 
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Nope...your spoon is just another spoon...and there are NONE. 8-)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:


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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 8:56 pm 
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Dali wrote:
How to get to a place of not pretending I don't want her (because I wanted her),

Let go of pretending.

You live without her now, so you can do. You want her also.
Both are valid. Why pretend.

As Kidd says, the answers are all over the forum in a lot of the posts.
The same subjects come up again and again in different guises, your problem is no different to anyone else's.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 10:12 am 
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I wonder if the answer is "Be your own best friend"...

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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 6:23 pm 
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Aztecsfinest wrote:
I wonder if the answer is "Be your own best friend"...


LESS POSTING...MORE READING! :mrgreen:

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2012 9:10 pm 
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Image

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By searching first and posting questions only if you find no answers, everyone will be much happier
No matter HOW smart you think you ARE, there will ALWAYS be somebody who is smarter than you. So never underestimate people.


Fravia+


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2013 8:56 pm 
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I'm going to give that gift to myself.

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Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 4:17 am 
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Bump this.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 12:18 am 
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Dali,

Be man enough to not seal the deal. You can flirt and be playful with her and not seal the deal, why do you care? You're attachment to "being man enough to seal the deal" is what's holding you back. Just accept that's where you are and let it go. Being a man isn't about sealing the deal, that's what the matrix says...being a man is about accepting what is without the need to change it and rather focus on changing how you respond to it.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 2:47 pm 
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luciddream wrote:
Dali,

Be man enough to not seal the deal. You can flirt and be playful with her and not seal the deal, why do you care? You're attachment to "being man enough to seal the deal" is what's holding you back. Just accept that's where you are and let it go. Being a man isn't about sealing the deal, that's what the matrix says...being a man is about accepting what is without the need to change it and rather focus on changing how you respond to it.


Thanks Lucid.

Appreciate.

_________________
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”


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