Gonna try to keep this short.
The mother of my 3 year old son and I fell out like 2 years ago. I always hunched that the main reason was because she was heeding the advice of her mom and sister, who both can't keep a man. I told her this, and she was like obviously her mom can keep a man...I told her then that all was not what it seemed. Sure as shit, after 20+ years of marriage, her mom and dad finally split, with the dad posting FB pics of a new younger GF soon after (Marquee Value FTW!)...her mom was of course damn near suicidal. I told her I saw this coming and was only surprised that it took as long as it did...but I also hunched that he just had to get all of his financial ducks in a row first (married that long, his military retirement was vulnerable, plus spousal support/alimony I'm sure). I was the only one who wasn't surprised. I wanted to speak with her father, but she would never give me his contact info.
Fast forward about 9 months. My ex is bi-polar (I'm SURE OF IT)...so right now she's actually in a good mood with me for whatever reason. She texts me yesterday telling me that her Dad needs info on a good gaming laptop. I nonchalantly reply that the question is too vague and to give me his contact info...and she DOES!
So I call him...he answers. We briefly address the laptop topic...I give him the info he needs. There is a slight pause then he goes, 'So how you been?'
SHOWTIME
The first thing I do is congratulate him on his divorce and that I knew it had been a long time coming. This was risky on my part...but I completely trusted my gut and my analysis of the dynamic of their relationship/marriage. He quickly said that it had been over WAY before he ended it...CONFIRMATION!
So then I REALLY loosen up. I tell him that the main reason why his daughter and I didn't work out was because instead of choosing to listen to him, she chose to listen to her mom and sister, who have proven that they cannot keep a man. I told him that I understand his situation. I will now outline the dynamic...the following is totally what my guy and analytical ability had formulated...but he did concur to everything.
When they met, they were both in college. She got pregnant and had my ex's sister. He still kept it moving and wasn't locked in...she did what she had to do and managed to get pregnant again. This baby was my ex. Faced with this, and back in these times, he did the noble thing...he married her, put his dreams on hold, and joined the military to take care of his family. His wife now promptly dropped out of school and became a full time military wife. Note I said he did the NOBLE thing...but in the end, he still married the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
As time went on, they had two more boys for a total of 4 kids. By now, she was the boss and was feeling herself. She knew she had him locked in and they would fight like cats and dogs (my ex told me about the fights when we were getting to know each other). I hunched that she never wanted to go to school...she only went to get herself a sucker, which explains why she never went back. Most women I know who are serious about their education will FIND a way to finish...even as single mothers. That this woman had hubby support and STILL never even attempted to complete her degree says EVERYTHING.
So basically, he bided his time, helped raise his kids as best as he could and waited for the right time to break free. Unfortunately (and this goes back to my hypothesis about having no father figure in the house is better than a browbeaten father) since she ran the household, the daughters indirectly/subconsciously modeled themselves after their mother and how she interacted with the hubby, which has proven to set them up for a lifetime of relationship failure. This part I didn't share with him...but everything else validates this just fine.
He concurred and agreed with EVERYTHING...and was actually surprised and impressed with my astuteness. I felt great, knowing that I am really on point to this magnitude.
I also told him that his daughter is probably clinically mentally unstable with bi-polar, borderline personality syndrome and now, narcissistic mother syndrome. He declined to defend her.
In the end, he told me he would be coming to town soon and that we should get a drink. I can't wait to speak with him again in person.
