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 Post subject: The Shove of Insecurity
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:47 pm 
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One of my employees is this BEAUTIFUL Hispanic woman...29, Married, one child. I never interacted with her much prior to my ascension to the throne because of the remoteness of our assignments/workflow. Now that I'm practically her boss, we HAVE to interact occasionally. She seems like a faithful woman...and I know she's put up certain safeguards with me that most women do when trying to make sure they stay on the right path...like acting like she can't stand me when she barely knows me and avoiding eye contact yet getting caught sometimes if I glance around.

Turns out her hubby also works for my company in a more mechanical capacity....he's late 40's. I've seen him in passing but never put it together or really cared enough to. Anyway, he had to come to my section yesterday so we ended up talking for a bit. Sure as shit, first chance he had to bring it to my attention who his wife was, he did. In the name of science (!), I decided to plant a few seeds to see what would happen.

Him: Yeah so-and-so is my wife...you know her?

Me: *chuckles* yeah I'd kind of have to since I'm her boss.

Him: She's can be kinda feisty.

Me: Yeah...she is REEL feisty.

With that last comment, I could see him visibly stiffen up and assume a more defensive posture. I had my hunches why...and they were all confirmed the next day (yesterday). We finished the convo amicably...turns out she got him this job relatively recently...and from what I could glean, she is DEFINITELY the boss of him (unsurprisingly).

Yesterday, we had a meeting for all staff. One point of interest is that first she was sitting on the complete opposite of the room from me. Once the projector turned on, her seat didn't give her a very good view...so out of all the seats she could have chosen to provide a better view, she chooses the one right next to me. I tempt fate, notice her iphone and ask if she's getting the new one. She opens up like a blooming flower...I cut it in 3 minutes, get up and leave the room. 8-)

Afterwards, my employees that needed something from me shuffled into my office and they got what they needed. Once that all cleared out, guess who saunters up? :mrgreen:

After some small talk (which is unusual for her normally), she gets into it:

Her: So I heard you met the hubbster. *rolls eyes*

BINGO! :twisted:

Now we're getting to the meaning of my title. Prior to me meeting her hubby, she has always been tactically aloof. I know for a FACT this older guy is insecure about his life and that he considers her to be better than him. This means he went home that day and mentioned meeting me in a very insecure manner, I am sure of it...and it is because of his insecurity that she warmed up to me overnight...HIS INSECURITY IS PUSHING HER TOWARDS ME. Piquing her interest, so to speak. :geek:

She then gave me the history...and when women volunteer details about their lives like this, it usually means they wouldn't mind waltzing with you...HORIZONTALLY. ;)

They met when she was 19 and he was 37. From the color of the convo, she now realizes that if she could it all over again, she would have done it differently. She made it sound like she has two kids to take care of (him and their son). I mentioned once that she seems happy (NOT!)...to which she replied, "Well, at least I got my son out of the deal."...totally disenfranchised.

The convo ended soon thereafter and she left. I have no intentions play with THAT fire...but man...human behavior is just so fascinating when you can really read between the lines. 8-)

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:48 pm 
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To the others:
The Kidd!! wrote:
Her: So I heard you met the hubbster. *rolls eyes*

She then gave me the history...

They met when she was 19 and he was 37. From the color of the convo, she now realizes that if she could it all over again, she would have done it differently. She made it sound like she has two kids to take care of (him and their son).
Disccuss.

Note, this is not about ages, or kids.

This is about why she suddenly opened up after Kidd met the significant other and not before.
Note Kidd implies that she told him a lot of personal details and I am sure she said far far more than he has mentioned.. Also that he said far less than her in the conversation.. He sat back and listened as she unloaded on him..

Full disclosure..

Lets see how much attention you all are paying

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:19 pm 
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It may have been a test, how Kidd will react to her husband being insecure and talking about her with him - He was indifferent to it, so he passed and she felt she can "trust" him now and tell him everything as she did
She seems tired of being the mother of her husband and craves a man and sees Kidd as that - She may not act on it (Because her position in workplace is in danger, may not want to risk the marriage, etc), but she can't deny the attraction


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:29 pm 
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fufe wrote:
It may have been a test, how Kidd will react to her husband being insecure and talking about her with him - He was indifferent to it, so he passed and she felt she can "trust" him now and tell him everything as she did
She seems tired of being the mother of her husband and craves a man and sees Kidd as that - She may not act on it (Because her position in workplace is in danger, may not want to risk the marriage, etc), but she can't deny the attraction
No to the first paragraph, yes to the second. :geek:

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:34 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
To the others:
The Kidd!! wrote:
Her: So I heard you met the hubbster. *rolls eyes*

She then gave me the history...

They met when she was 19 and he was 37. From the color of the convo, she now realizes that if she could it all over again, she would have done it differently. She made it sound like she has two kids to take care of (him and their son).
Disccuss.

Note, this is not about ages, or kids.

This is about why she suddenly opened up after Kidd met the significant other and not before.
Note Kidd implies that she told him a lot of personal details and I am sure she said far far more than he has mentioned.. Also that he said far less than her in the conversation.. He sat back and listened as she unloaded on him..

Full disclosure..

Lets see how much attention you all are paying
Simple version : she is testing Kidd to foresee a hubby dumping.

The fact her husband came insecure added her already expending attraction towards her boss, Kidd.

So two things :
If the husband didn't give details, then she was just curious why her husband was insecure.
If he repeated what Kidd said "reel feisty", she's even more curious why he said that, because Kidd possibly indicated an interest with this compliment.

Whatever the case, the fact that Kidd opened her up when she sat next to him made her sufficiently comfortable to indulge in more private conversation about her relationship, to see Kidd's reactions and lay her contract (the kind of pimping that works with her) to make him choose her or not, to see if he's the man she thinks he is.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:37 pm 
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Much better, G. Beezy...MUCH. 8-)

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:41 pm 
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I would love to see zogler's decryption, I so love his style of writing ...

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If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. - Nikola Tesla


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 7:35 pm 
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About the ones in relationship, she and he;
She dunno what she wants/needs, he don´t know what he wants/needs.
(or not clear enough about the difference)

That´s why they´re insecure.

Plus they define "security" externally, that´s dependence.
(security in this case is then outside of their control)

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 7:58 pm 
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The OP is chalk full of such good lessons it's not even funny. Great post Kidd!!
peregrinus wrote:
Disccuss.

Note, this is not about ages, or kids.

This is about why she suddenly opened up after Kidd met the significant other and not before.
Note Kidd implies that she told him a lot of personal details and I am sure she said far far more than he has mentioned.. Also that he said far less than her in the conversation.. He sat back and listened as she unloaded on him..

Full disclosure..

Lets see how much attention you all are paying
She was subconsciously attracted, (aka didn't even realize it herself) to Kidd. With it still being subconscious to her, and the battle between this mysterious deep unrealized pull inside her versus a belief that she is married so she shouldn't be attracted to other men, her way of dealing with it was to actually avoid and be cold toward Kidd (I'm sure 99% of guys would think she had no interest and or hated them, but I bet Kidd's gut and combined with very subtle observations told him very different)

When her husband brought up that he met Kidd, I'm sure with some very insecure follow up questions about her relationship with Kidd, some subtle or maybe not (depending on how insecure this guy was) comments trying to slight The Kidd (yet in actuality only make glaringly obvious his insecurities).

Somewhere inside she's thinking, "hmmm why is my husband so insecure over Kidd?" Whatever he expressed to her out of insecurity tipped her attraction from subconscious to conscious (probably tipped some subconscious negative feelings she had toward her husband to conscious too)

And bam, she can't stay away.

Then of course, Kidd provided the space for her to open up


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 8:26 pm 
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Some quick comments:

The guy's insecurity reminds me of the last posts in this thread, regarding mate guarding and insecurity: viewtopic.php?f=33&t=2502
She was already attracted to Kidd, her boss and a real man at the same time, his insecurity just confirmed Kidd's superiority and that she was attracted to the right guy. He subconsciously pushed her toward him with this pathetic behaviour. I think she was consciously attracted to Kidd, as she consciously tried not to show it (fronting, avoiding eye contact etc.)

Her reference to her kids reminds me of this thread respectively: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2347

She has a 18 years difference with her husband, pointing to Marquee Value Theory.

She willingly volunteered to share with the Kidd the background of her relationship with her hubby and her kids, something that only a real man would make happen, only with his space-giving aura. He let her open up so effortlessly, she could have shared secrets she haven't told anyone before if Kidd wanted to.

Bravo the Kidd for being prudent enough not to mess with these situations. A true laboratory for due dilligence this forum is. :ugeek:

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 8:43 pm 
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Interesting zogler, I think you got it right on the money.

Thinking back to old relationships where I was attracted to another woman, I would display some of those same avoidance/cold behaviors toward them.

I'm still trying to grasp the difference between conscious and subconscious attraction


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 9:17 pm 
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You arent testing her because you dont want accept the challenge?

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 9:18 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
This is about why she suddenly opened up after Kidd met the significant other and not before.
because she respect kidd as a real man, so she did not wanted that kidd asociate her with her husband.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 9:24 pm 
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zogler...man I swear. :D

If my brain could speak to you guys directly, it would sound a lot like zogler. 8-)
Quote:
I'm still trying to grasp the difference between conscious and subconscious attraction...
Honestly, I innately give the benefit of the doubt in almost all circumstances. Sure some of it could be conscious, but because its so subtle it's too easily disputable...keeps things simple. :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:07 pm 
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She's just gonna keep jock'n you harder and harder now man, I guarantee it.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:08 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
zogler...man I swear. :D

If my brain could speak to you guys directly, it would sound a lot like zogler. 8-)
So I guess Zogler would be translator number 2 for you :lol:

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:11 pm 
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Star_Above wrote:
She's just gonna keep jock'n you harder and harder now man, I guarantee it.
Of course, ShitPanther ;)
Quote:
You arent testing her because you dont want accept the challenge?
Sometimes just knowing that there actually IS no challenge is enough. :ugeek:

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:51 pm 
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if Kidd had acted like he was impressed with who the wife was, hubby probably would have gone home feeling elated. which would put the woman in a more pedestalled state ( I know it's not a word :lol: )
when Kidd mentions that he has to know her since he is her superior, Hubby tries to put Kidd on his P's/Q's by telling him that she is feisty.
Kidd confirming that he knows she is "REEL"feisty told him that his wife was displaying weaknesses. I bet because the way Kidd delivered the line it must have totally crushed him.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:41 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
"Well, at least I got my son out of the deal."
The Oedipus complex, a topic that was adequately covered here: http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... w=previous

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 3:21 am 
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I thought I had a strong knowledge of understanding the subtleties in interaction and breaking them down, but this is on a whole different level! Nice work.


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